Confessions - tell us something no one knows about you...

#1
I will start

When I was 16 I worked in S*** in Garston Liverpool

I was told I was getting the sack later that day so sneaked into the main staff room where all the bosses had thier Tea/Coffee and took a dump in thier water boiler. Like one of these below :)



Oh how we all pissed ourselves laughing when I watched all the managers sipping thier coffe and tea and making pot noodles and stuff with my shitty pooh'd up water...

Funny as it is I didnt get the sack.
 
#2
I once left a mackerel inside , but behind the desk drawer of a previous adjutant who took a dislike to me. I hope his office reeked.

As a form of justice, Someone who lived in a married quarter before I did, left prawns dotted around the house behind the picture rails. I found them eventually but not until I had spent a kings ransom on air fresheners.
 
#3
I was also about 16. i was working as a wine waiter and escorted some people to their table. One of the men was extremely rude to me and left me thinking how to get my own back. I took their drinks order, remembering which he had ordered so i could do something horrible to his drink. I went to the bar and told the head barman about this arrsehole. he asked me what the arrsehole had ordered. he thought it would be funny to give this guy his orange juice and lemonade with a shot of his p*ss. He did the business behind the bar and poured it in the drink.

I took the drinks down to the table and handed the guy his oj + lemonade +p*ss and to my horror he passed it over to his wife and took a different drink. His wife in contrast, was really nice to me throughoutv the whole evening. i felt very guilty but needless to say still laughed about it and laugh about it to this day. The worst thing was it didnt smell of orange juice at all, it smelled really strongly of p*ss.
 
#5
not really a secret as my whole plt knows but a good story.
on my rtt training i was in a shell scrape with a wannabe squaddiette and i thought why not (she maybe fugly but anyholes a goal!) so after about an hour of my best chat up lines WOOHOO anyway just as i was approching my vinegar stroke and the dawn attack begins so the order to BUG OUT gets called so im trying to shag doris fire my rifle and pack my burgen. Fun i know, untill im running through the woods with spunk down my leg, kit flying all over the place all in all a right mess and you try explaining that to the ncos so i took the ear bashing and extra duties for being a mong (i didnt say about the shagging just the leaving half my kit down along the route out).
thinking thats the end ..... well no not having dunkie machines on the training area i now have a 6 year old daughterl. im not looking forward to explaining how mummy and daddy met i can tell you!
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
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#6
stet said:
not really a secret as my whole plt knows but a good story.
on my rtt training i was in a shell scrape with a wannabe squaddiette and i thought why not (she maybe fugly but anyholes a goal!) so after about an hour of my best chat up lines WOOHOO anyway just as i was approching my vinegar stroke and the dawn attack begins so the order to BUG OUT gets called so im trying to shag doris fire my rifle and pack my burgen. Fun i know, untill im running through the woods with spunk down my leg, kit flying all over the place all in all a right mess and you try explaining that to the ncos so i took the ear bashing and extra duties for being a mong (i didnt say about the shagging just the leaving half my kit down along the route out).
thinking thats the end ..... well no not having dunkie machines on the training area i now have a 6 year old daughterl. im not looking forward to explaining how mummy and daddy met i can tell you!
So in line with the royal Beckhams, what name did you give said babe:

Sennelager,
Sennybrige
Thetford
Altcar
Salisbury Plain
Imber
.....................................? :wink:
 
#8
stet said:
not really a secret as my whole plt knows but a good story.
on my rtt training i was in a shell scrape with a wannabe squaddiette and i thought why not (she maybe fugly but anyholes a goal!) so after about an hour of my best chat up lines WOOHOO anyway just as i was approching my vinegar stroke and the dawn attack begins so the order to BUG OUT gets called so im trying to shag doris fire my rifle and pack my burgen. Fun i know, untill im running through the woods with spunk down my leg, kit flying all over the place all in all a right mess and you try explaining that to the ncos so i took the ear bashing and extra duties for being a mong (i didnt say about the shagging just the leaving half my kit down along the route out).
thinking thats the end ..... well no not having dunkie machines on the training area i now have a 6 year old daughterl. im not looking forward to explaining how mummy and daddy met i can tell you!
mmmh...could she have not covered the arcs of fire whilst you did the deed........buddy buddy system and all that!!!
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
charliecharlieone said:
mmmh...could she have not covered the arcs of fire whilst you did the deed........buddy buddy system and all that!!!
Only if he was doing her up the wrong un.

Anyway, MiB had an instructor who was a jumped up pratt. He went on leave for a week so I ( and an assistant) picked the cheap padlock and filled up the top drawer of his desk with maggots from the local fishing tackle shop.

The following Monday he arrived at 8.00am and released two hundred big fat bluebottles into the room.
 
#12
In canada, on the ranges Target shooting. Ive pulled butt duty and am on the lane next to the range office who happens to be a young Canadian lady subbie, not the most beautiful creature in the world, but i try to forget that. Anyway, i spend thhe day doing some serious flirting with her and that night things continued in the canadian version of a 12x12 and fun was had by all. The next day our boss calls us together and gives us the daily news and then we have a chat and the boss lets it slip that he wold like to give said lady a good stuffing like the good sl*g she is etc etc. I get all offended (i had morals then, i was young) but don't say anything. He wants a brew, i volenteered to make, and he gets the oneshot verson of a latte. Of course looking back i was immature, but then again, he was a t*at and would have deserved it anyway!
 
#14
I nailed a Navy writer on the unloading bay that used to be at the rear of Moscow Camp one night after coming back from the New Forge disco, not really a secret as most of those on guard watched on the cameras.
 
#15
When I was 15yrs old, I knew a girl who was a complete psycho b1tch! Believe me, this girl was cookoo to the limit.

She would tell my mum that I was bulimic, had a coke addiction, you name it she would do it. None of what she said was true.

Then one day, I was walking over the bridge at the local train station and she had written all over the walls that my mum was a wh0re and that I was an inbred dog and a lot more!

Well, lets say later that week, police raided her house, a lot h of drugs were found and well she was quickly booted out her house! Booted out of school and disowned.

Karma has it’s come backs!

(There were many people she crossed, who ever grassed, we will never know :wink: )
 
#16
To anyone who was at an all night party in the Tom Crocker at Bigbury in 1987, yes that WAS me with a holidaymaker in the middle of the beach @ 3am. To Becky from Reading's Mum, her nickname Sandy had nothing at all to do with her doing Oliva Newton John impressions on karaoke that week she was on holiday at Bigbury.
 
#17
The Ex Mother in Law always made me get her a brew when I got in from work.

Didn't mind this apart from the fact that she got in an hour earlier than me.

Needless to say I came up with the idea that if her daughter liked the taste of my man paste, then so would she.

'Ave it!
 
#18
The_Monocled_Mutineer said:
The Ex Mother in Law always made me get her a brew when I got in from work.

Didn't mind this apart from the fact that she got in an hour earlier than me.

Needless to say I came up with the idea that if her daughter liked the taste of my man paste, then so would she.

'Ave it!
will do that meself :)
 
#19
The_Monocled_Mutineer said:
The Ex Mother in Law always made me get her a brew when I got in from work.

Didn't mind this apart from the fact that she got in an hour earlier than me.

Needless to say I came up with the idea that if her daughter liked the taste of my man paste, then so would she.

'Ave it!
Didn't she spot it? Or did you 'stir it well'!!?!?
 
#20
flowers said:
I really fancy StabTiffy2B and I want to have his babies.
The thread says something that no one knows about you. We all knew that :wink:
 
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