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Confessions of an Army Chef!

Since the ACC was scrapped in 93 in favour of RLC have standards dropped?


  • Total voters
    63

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
So the training the chefs recieved in 94 was dumbed down to what those recieved in 93 then?
Even though it was the same instructors and all were being trained at NVQ and B-Tech standards. How is that dumbed down, or were military chefs (all 3 services trained at St Omer at that time) trained better than there civilian counterparts (probably, but I'm biased)?

Because of the civilian qualifications (NVQ & B-Tech) all training is standardised(sp). If anything, I would say training is probably more in depth now, as chefs have to learn about diet (calories/sugars/fats) as well as learning how to cook. Plus they need to have a basic understanding of COSHH.

From your argument, pretty much every chef from Sgt downwards that is serving at the moment, isn't as good as any chef before, because they were not ACC. So I take it by your argument all the Scottish regts are not as good any more as they have all been placed into one large unit.

Get a life.
An essential part of army apprentice chef education in1958 was Catering science which covers the breakdown and calorific values of foodstuffs, and all forms of dietary calculations (who you think ran the diet kitchens in BMH,s all over the world, also acc chefs were trained butchers and bakers as well,By the 90,s there were no continental civilian chefs teaching at the school!!in the 50,s 60,s and 70,s 24 of the top European jewish Chefs and Confectioners were teaching in the school!! As some of us experienced personally arriving at the ******** of nowhere, build a kitchen from oil drums bricks and mud, chip the 30 coats of regimental paint of the ******* No1 Burners(REME Storemans Rule number1 Don't Clean it fuckin PAINT IT!!!) and then if you 5 loaves and 2 tins of bully you could feed the 5000, see real acc tradesmen, could be put anywhere and would try their best to feed the lads, was on recovery camp with REC Sgt Paddy DALY sept 1996, I was off to an armoured unit kitchen on the scrounge , no vehicle available, if you can find one you can start take it were Daly,s words, Cpl Mohamet Saleh waved me over and took me to the Centurion ARV ,in we hopped and off we went 3 hours and a few paderborners later we arrived back to a red in the face screaming Irishman, who could not do athing, most cooks on ex had to live on their wits and iniative, in the field the lads don't want to and shouldn't eat crap, good chefs were appreciated by their units, sadly the training seemed to slip a bit from 85 onwards!!
 
There was a certain Chief Slop Jockey I know that had a brilliant plan for earning himself a bit of extra cash over the Christmas lunacy in various Messes etc. He wanders round to the PMC's etc with a shiny shiny portfolio showing the amazingly presented items he can provide for buffet meals at a really sensible price, the centrepiece of which is a whole roast sucking pig. He gets a shed load of orders, 'natch and go's on to produce said buffets. The fiddle was that he'd charge each Mess for a new sucking pig each time - the pig being removed from the buffet after the "oos and ahh's" in order to be carved . In fact it was chucked in the cold room and slices of roast pork shoulder served on flats. No complaints from anyone thus far. The pig was getting a bit high so he kept on applying new coats of a hyper - salty gelatine and treacle glaze in order to minimize the stench of rotting meat and, to be fair he did change the decoration/.garnish in order to disguise it a little. Then came the problem in the form of a certain Majors wife who had a background in the hotel trade and had sussed a fiddle as she had been to three Mess bashes and recognised the pig by its ears (apparently). So then, she flounces up to the Sloppo and demands a slice from the leg. Sloppo trys the usual " back to the kitchen to carve" bollocks but she stands her ground. This exchange has caught the eyes/ears of many and there was a decent crowd milling around. Sloppo sighs to himself , picks up carving knife, takes a slice through the top of a rear leg and plates it up for her. The meat was green, slimy, and stunk so much that the buffet and the ante room in which it was being served was abandoned.
Sloppo has a series of very interesting interviews over the next few days. Dunno, perhaps this should have gone into the Emperor Mong's Pronouncements" thread.
 
There was a certain Chief Slop Jockey I know that had a brilliant plan for earning himself a bit of extra cash over the Christmas lunacy in various Messes etc. He wanders round to the PMC's etc with a shiny shiny portfolio showing the amazingly presented items he can provide for buffet meals at a really sensible price, the centrepiece of which is a whole roast sucking pig. He gets a shed load of orders, 'natch and go's on to produce said buffets. The fiddle was that he'd charge each Mess for a new sucking pig each time

Unless your name is Sustainer, you're a fibber. That story was told in BAR over two decades ago...
 

napier

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
The RLC chefs attached to 1 RGBW (-) in Gorazde in 94/95 did a fantastic job. Under canvas in scorching summer and arctic winter, and frequently working with minimal rations due to the Serb habit of cutting off the only route in, they produced excellent meals throughout the tour. Hats off to the chefs, and boo to PAYD and the rise of contractors.
 

Drivers_lag

On ROPS
On ROPs
The RLC chefs attached to 1 RGBW (-) in Gorazde in 94/95 did a fantastic job. Under canvas in scorching summer and arctic winter, and frequently working with minimal rations due to the Serb habit of cutting off the only route in, they produced excellent meals throughout the tour. Hats off to the chefs, and boo to PAYD and the rise of contractors.

Yeah, I always remember having good scoff in Bos - and plenty of it.
 
mess buffets were a nightmare for chefs especially Sgts mess, senior ranks wives bring kin huge bags with them as soon as the buffet is declared open, hams and chickens in aspic ,salmon, barons of beef nothing is to big,I got pissed off with this at 11 inf REME sgts mess canalufer strasse in minden, when at the Christmas dance a centrepiece of 2 x 35lb baked wildboar hams and 4 spanferkel(roast piglet) disappeared without a chance of any one carving them!! So I planned a little surprise for the Valentines dance, The centrepiece of the buffet was a huge pink heart shaped cake covered in red roses,this cake was made out of mashed potato powder laced with tabasco sauce, paprika and dried chillies, and lots of syrup of figs,of course a few tots of rum to cover the smell, I put a label on it not to be eaten , contains non edible contents, it seemed to work but as the evening went on the ladies just could not help themselves, the whole cake disappeared, over the next few days multiple cases of explosive diarrhea were reported among the pads female population, I was given a severe talking to by Dixy Dean who was adjutant at that time but as I was up for demob not a lot could be done!!, ,
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
mess buffets were a nightmare for chefs especially Sgts mess, senior ranks wives bring kin huge bags with them as soon as the buffet is declared open, hams and chickens in aspic ,salmon, barons of beef nothing is to big,I got pissed off with this at 11 inf REME sgts mess canalufer strasse in minden, when at the Christmas dance a centrepiece of 2 x 35lb baked wildboar hams and 4 spanferkel(roast piglet) disappeared without a chance of any one carving them!! So I planned a little surprise for the Valentines dance, The centrepiece of the buffet was a huge pink heart shaped cake covered in red roses,this cake was made out of mashed potato powder laced with tabasco sauce, paprika and dried chillies, and lots of syrup of figs,of course a few tots of rum to cover the smell, I put a label on it not to be eaten , contains non edible contents, it seemed to work but as the evening went on the ladies just could not help themselves, the whole cake disappeared, over the next few days multiple cases of explosive diarrhea were reported among the pads female population, I was given a severe talking to by Dixy Dean who was adjutant at that time but as I was up for demob not a lot could be done!!, ,

Fkin behave, how TF does someone make off with a 35lb ham or a roast suckling pig without a fkin bergan on their back???

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
 
Fkin behave, how TF does someone make off with a 35lb ham or a roast suckling pig without a fkin bergan on their back???

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)

I normally used the Duty Driver.....
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
There was a certain Chief Slop Jockey I know that had a brilliant plan for earning himself a bit of extra cash over the Christmas lunacy in various Messes etc. He wanders round to the PMC's etc with a shiny shiny portfolio showing the amazingly presented items he can provide for buffet meals at a really sensible price, the centrepiece of which is a whole roast sucking pig. He gets a shed load of orders, 'natch and go's on to produce said buffets. The fiddle was that he'd charge each Mess for a new sucking pig each time - the pig being removed from the buffet after the "oos and ahh's" in order to be carved . In fact it was chucked in the cold room and slices of roast pork shoulder served on flats. No complaints from anyone thus far. The pig was getting a bit high so he kept on applying new coats of a hyper - salty gelatine and treacle glaze in order to minimize the stench of rotting meat and, to be fair he did change the decoration/.garnish in order to disguise it a little. Then came the problem in the form of a certain Majors wife who had a background in the hotel trade and had sussed a fiddle as she had been to three Mess bashes and recognised the pig by its ears (apparently). So then, she flounces up to the Sloppo and demands a slice from the leg. Sloppo trys the usual " back to the kitchen to carve" bollocks but she stands her ground. This exchange has caught the eyes/ears of many and there was a decent crowd milling around. Sloppo sighs to himself , picks up carving knife, takes a slice through the top of a rear leg and plates it up for her. The meat was green, slimy, and stunk so much that the buffet and the ante room in which it was being served was abandoned.
Sloppo has a series of very interesting interviews over the next few days. Dunno, perhaps this should have gone into the Emperor Mong's Pronouncements" thread.
Funny I remember the exact same story published in iirc Soldier Magazine during my time (75-89) except that it was a whole salmon and it was the CO's wife. (Because the Officers chose the weekend for their Christmas do as near Chrimbo as possible, then the Sergeants, then the Corporals then the Toms, some time in November.
 
Fkin behave, how TF does someone make off with a 35lb ham or a roast suckling pig without a fkin bergan on their back???

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
It's one of Nignoy's "parallel universe" fantasy stories. He does it quite a lot, on a variety of themes and topics.

I heard it said that it was on Nignoy that Dougal's character (Father Ted) was modelled.

Suspend belief when you read them, and just enjoy the serendipity of outrageous imagination.
 
Fkin behave, how TF does someone make off with a 35lb ham or a roast suckling pig without a fkin bergan on their back???

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
At the time it puzzled us too! the spanferkeln which are not pigs but 12lb piglets, but I,m sure there must be some old and bold 11inf survivors who rememember the incident mess sgt at the time was Ex arborfield apprentice James Campbell, who also served at middlewallop , I couldjust as well ask ,how do 4 Kingo,s get caught pushing the Clifton bcks naafi jukebox halfway up portastrasse on a Saturday night!!
 
Ground hog evening......
 

Stumpy4154

LE
Book Reviewer
I've got to tip my hat to all sloppo's for what I now know to be a bloody difficult job at times. Thinking back with my occasional sensible head on I must say that the meals I had were really quite good. I tried my hand at cooking for the lads on Mount Campito (FI 92) for about 12 - 15 blokes for a fortnight, and coming up with decent and tasty grub with no repetition was ******* difficult, so God alone knows what it was like for a hundred times more than that on a daily basis. To all hotplate commandos, I take back all the abuse we ever gave you.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I normally used the Duty Driver.....
Not a lot of wives-of had recourse to a duty driver and that's who Nignoy was on about. I've seen wives at Mess Dos try and nick anything that wasn't nailed down before, that's why we made them pastillage caskets to hold their petit fours, so they could get a souvenir, but whole hams and suckling pigs just kicks the arse out of it.
(yeah, I know it's taken a year to give a reply, so fcuk off)
 

Block Damages

Old-Salt
I loved army food; especially cooked breakfasts and hangover brunches. Filled my boots at every meal.

The chefs were as sound as **** - even if they were fat gopping slop jockeys of dubious personal hygiene, chronic alcoholism, and a reputation for engaging in squalid sexual encounters with bandsmen...

PAYD sounds like a miserable option.
 
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