Confessions of an Army Chef!

[mushroom]

A certain SO2 Catering on Telic, I'll call him Larry the Bastard to preserve his opsec, closed down the HQ complex brew area the day after we moved into Iraq. He said it was dirty and insanitary.

 

[Gundulph]

Good Thread...

Not the easiest of jobs being a young Egg Op thrown out on exercise with a troop of Sappers on your own and probably scared witless you dished out a rotten egg banjo, the Number 5 broke down or you sent out a Norgie of tea that actually tasted of tea and not the all-in stew from the night before

I always thought the job of an Egg Op was a thankless one but looking back am very grateful for the many times the Slop Jockies knocked up a banquet fit for a King from 10 man rats and last weeks' "fresh" rations. I met some top lads and lasses in the Catering Corps down the years and almost all never thought twice about dishing up some Egg Banjo's or french bread throughout the night when on Exercise; you might not have thought it but there was respect from our side (behind all the banter and piss taking!) and we all knew the last person we wanted to piss off was the lone Egg Op...

'Soggy Biscuit' anyone?!

Are there any former ACC who were in 39 Engr Regt in the late 80's who remember the lad on Exercise with 53 Sqn who managed to blow himself (and our breakfast!) up, over in Germany?! If you are an ARRSEr and you are reading this we forgive you as it was a top laugh

For a Thankless Job - Thanks

 

[RCT(V)]

The formation of the RLC (ACC senior officers selling the corps down the swany believing they would get senior jobs in the RLC suckers) didn't affect the quality of the catering, the redundancies at a similar period did where a lot of quality left realizing they could take a good pay off and find a better paid job outside. This resulted in a lot of gaps in the rank structure which were then filled by some of the deadwood left behind.

Regrettably, I suspect the same scenario could also be applied to some of the other "forming Corps"

 

[telecaster]

Who voted for PAYD? Mr One Step Forward, Two Steps Back, no doubt.With the old buying power, utilising Group catering facilities, we got 3 BIG(most of the time) squares a day for approx 3 quid.No profit motive, good quality ingredients, duty cooks in all weathers.Now we're fucked.Thanks.

 

[skintboymike]

Come on then you chefs (RLC need not apply) lets let em have it!

For someone who's never served with RLC you seem to have a lot against them. I joined as RLC in 95 and have served with many ex ACC lads - The standard of chef hasn't dropped at all, trust me.

 

[B00MER]

Banter.... Did RLC chefs lose the sense of humour as well?

 

[skintboymike]

Banter.... Did RLC chefs lose the sense of humour as well?

Nuff said.

 

[B00MER]

This thread was meant to be a bit of fun - confessions of an Army Chef in response to Best / Worst Cookhouses to which 199 people have added their opinions.... And thousands have viewed... Seemingly K2 at St Omer and The dining room in the Falklands camp (I was there 83 so it wasn't built then) seem to have the worst rep....
Surely some chefs out there have had equally funny experiences - without resorting to seasoning the food with your own secretions that is of course.....

 

[fatsplasher]

Whilst serving at Lippstadt early 80s,Paul Collins got promoted to L/cpl.Turned up for cooks PT(football) with chevron through football shirt demanding people to pass the ball to him.SCO the fraudster that was Pete Kingston order Pauls side to play in skins,Paul with shirt off just put chevron through his arm.

 

[Nignoy]

As a boy soldier in St omer we got the chance of supper in the winter nights,most memorable was the hot bitter Cocoa, one evening I happened to comment how nice and sweet it was, and someone had a mistake and put sugar in it, so sorry said sqms Baldwin ,he poured it all away and made a new urn without sugar!!

 

[oldnotbold]

In my regiment the chefs were brilliant, if temperamental at times, but that's the TA on both counts...

In unit standards seemed to fall when catering troop was cut from 20 to about six and we got the dreaded contract staff on weekends in barracks.

The Good
Dinner for Princess Anne in our affiliated livery hall. All done by our chefs, rather than the in house bunch.

Mounds of chilli and rice being doled out in the pouring rain in mid Feb after a night nav, in fact most of the food on exercise was great and dinner nights fell away once contract staff were introduced too.

The Bad
The cooks having a sad when the QM decided that they should spend most of camp as infantry. The rest of the regiment lived off compo which we had to cook. Still, the QM's food was still prepared by the ACC, now in infantry mode, who wreaked their revenge in oh so many ways

Same camp, final act of revenge, was the five pound tin of beans left in the boiler overnight to explode just before we had to handover.

The Ugly
Dougie our master chef. If in a bad mood he'd tell visitors that he looked forward to serving them in civvie street too. Those dim enough to ask found out that he was, indeed, an undertaker

On the regular army side an old SSM told me how when he was with Corps HQ Al Haig (SACEUR in those days) visited and simply didn't belive that the ACC cook house, which was chugging out full breakfasts, had moved in three hours earlier and in the dark

 

[Tremaine]

Five years ago working at Bassingbourne, was appalled . Frozen pies on racks, gash hotplates and fat arrsey clock watching cooks moaning about Tea urns for ranges m(cnuts wouldn't last five minutes in a Hotel). Being as I'd started off cooking and then transferred, it was a wake up call eating in the SNCO's Mess. With a couple of days off , asked the "Head Chef" to give us a go on his day off, to see if I still had it. The cnut left me a fookin long prep list while he swanned off **dicked** basically. 30 portions of profiteroles, same in Consomme (feckin Consomme ) , and a shite load of parmentier spuds besides three crates of fresh veg to blanch and fridge. You Chefs will know what that's about.

Trem' sweated and chopped and cooked and swore. Profiteroles sparrows fart next morning to Sainsburys for lovely fresh ready-mades (on messing account naturally).

In he comes, bigshot knobhead, at nine and expects big f*ck up, no big f*ck up just all done

Army Chefs, you can't beat them. Contractors? My arrse .

 

[B00MER]

"Clock watching" reminded me of when at PMC Arborfield at weekends we only opened one dining hall and most weekends it was only the basic training company that was in camp.
The boy CSM was a legend in his own ego, and of a weekend he was responsible (no perm staff) for marching the lads to breakfast.
This was the Sunday morning after the clocks going forward that night (yes you know whats now coming)... At one minute past 8 I locked the door, breakfast was over. Just as the CSM marches up with 90 starving boys, all text book, fall out etc... splat.... as they crash into the door!...
CSM wasn't happy but I was adamant, you have missed breakfast... live with it!
So I let him form them up before I finally opened the door and called them in...
The relief on his face was classic... Bet he never forgot to pt the clock foward again!

 

[Juan_Ramirez_III]

The formation of the RLC (ACC senior officers selling the corps down the swany believing they would get senior jobs in the RLC suckers) didn't affect the quality of the catering, the redundancies at a similar period did where a lot of quality left realizing they could take a good pay off and find a better paid job outside. This resulted in a lot of gaps in the rank structure which were then filled by some of the deadwood left behind.

Regrettably, I suspect the same scenario could also be applied to some of the other "forming Corps"

Funny that, you mean the ones that are hard at it at the minute as opposed to mincing round the back of beyond waiting for the big push for decades ? Opinions are great when you tip up once a week for a couple of hours and do the odd weekend away arent they ?

 

[Twizzlelehope]

What Regiment did you belong to? Are your loyalties easily transferred? In the early 90's they made loads of ACC redundant, took away our cap badge and consigned our Corps to history. Do you think that might have affected morale for those who stayed? No they didn't forget thier training but the new guys training was dumbed downby the RLC because in the estimation of the Army the ACC were feeding the troops too well and were fighting to keep it that way. The bean counters have been looking to get PAYD for years, some Top Brass visited 9/12th main kitchen when I was there in 1985 and they were discussing it then, they of course did not seek the opinion of anyone simply visiting the kitchen they of course knew exactly everyone opinion by osmosis - we all know the army is not a democracy!

In China it isn't!

 

[Rodney2q]

Had an ACC lad in 2 Queens in NI in 1977 - an absolute nightmare with a gun in his hand (2 NDs in the unloading bay anyone?) but he was a cracking cook and the most welcome sight in the world dishing up steak and chips or egg banjos at odd hours during the night when you got back from a patrol.

I rarely remember any bad meals in the field when the ACC guys were cooking.



Rodney2q

 

[Double_Duck]

Nothing but good memories of back in the late 70's early 80's of meals both in Hohne (lovely "brunches at the weekend) and out and about on the various ranges, they were always a friendly bunch and cooked some outstanding meals when you consider the conditions they had to work in at times, hats off to you boys it was much appreciated.

Didn't enjoy having to do down into the maze of tunnels under the cookhouse to get the bags of cockroach infested spuds back into the kitchens for peeling but always managed to stash some "extras such as tea coffee etc outside to be collected later for sharing round the block ..

 

[Spanish_Dave]

Piggy Palmer was our BK in the late 80s early 90s, when in Canada, the chef caught fire at a BBQ and he meant to pat the fires down with his beret, ha, he was wearing his helmet, the chef thought he was being attacked by a mad man

 

[Tremaine]

I remember two divvy Chefs getting up late for breakfast somewhere in BAOR around '77/78, QRIH exercise. Think of any comedy double act, for effect, with a Benny Hill theme tune playing in the background.

No.1 Burner on full throttle and major flapping . Pump up to 60 and chuck a match at it. Strong breeze blows the flames back on to the petrol tank and the Burner nipple shoots into orbit, before a swift cremation of one Burner.U/S. True story.

Spam sarnies and milk we got, as I remember

 

[The_Snail]

Must stop finding Old Threads.
Must stop finding Old Threads.