Confessions of a Walt

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Markintime, May 13, 2009.

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  1. With all the civilian walt warriors on the site these days, I suppose it inevitable that my past Walting is going to be found out, so I’ve decided to “come clean”.
    I once attended a mess function in the uniform of a clergyman of the Anglican faith. I don’t know what made me do it, perhaps it was the glory, the fact that you chaps always get the birds with your tales of redemption and forgiveness. I’ve always wanted to be a vicar but just didn’t have the balls to apply for selection.I did attend a B3 Bishop’s Course at Wuppertal but I have never completed the full wings course and become ordained into the Church of England.
    On that fateful night in question I was accompanied by a QARANC NCO who was Walting as a prostitute (well I assume she was Walting) and had come dressed in a very low cut blouse which showed much of her quivering bosom and just gave the slightest hint of aureole and the suggestion that a little pink puppy's nose was going to come into view at any minute. She was also wearing a black leather mini skirt, so short that it was very easy to see the dark area around her stocking welts. When she sat down one could see a perfect stocking top held in place by a metal suspender clasp (it was the use of the more durable ‘field’ metal clasp which made me suspect she may not be a Walt) at the end of a lacy black strap. On her feet she wore knee length black leather boots with a 5” stiletto heal (standard QA issue, I’m assured).
    Walting should not be rewarded and I’m ashamed to say that the end of the night saw me trying to count her vertebra from the inside with my Holy rod. There was much laying-on of hands and I did take a wander into her wilderness before riding her ass. Fortunately, after three weeks, her cave was still empty. I now feel so guilty at the amount of ‘sunk to the nuts in guts’ pleasure I only gained because she thought I was a bone fide sky pilot.
     
  2. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I once pretended to be my dad while talking to one of my school teachers on the phone. Please don't tell the waltenkommando or they might bully me in the walts and wannabes thread.
     
  3. I forgive you my son,
    love and hugs,
    The Arrse Bishop of Cantebury
     
  4. I'm ashamed to admit that often, about 24-25 years ago, I would put on a dpm jacket and pick up my rambo plastic M60 (with suction dart launcher and 'real' belt feed) and run around the neighbourhood with others with the same interests, fighting such epic battles as the siege of the climbing frame and the massacre at see-saw ridge. This sickening insult to our fighting men shames me to this day, and I feel almost castleshort-esque in my walthood...
     
  5. I once pretended to a Parisien girl of impeccable breeding and dubious intelligence, that I was the Saxophonist for 'Sting'. Shagged her as a result, and all was going well until I met her brother; the world's biggest fan of Sting. Well busted!
     
  6. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Where you there at the paddling pool insurgency? I think we may have served together, I was the officer with the Thundercats sword and the spud gun.
     
  7. I think you're a walt-walt mate, those who were there at the paddling pool don't talk about it ;-)!
     
  8. I was the first through the sprinkler :D
     
  9. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I once pretended to be a Parisian girl, and had impeccable breeding until I met some guy who told me he was a saxophone player with Sting. Turned out he wasn't. I should have known from his very poor fingering and tongue control.
     
  10. Where you there at the paddling pool insurgency? I think we may have served together, I was the officer with the Thundercats sword and the spud gun.[/quote]

    If you really were at the paddling pool insurgency, What colour is the waterslide????
     
  11. Is that you Ken?- I had a funny feeling about the name at the time. Rather regret sucking your massive clitoris now 8O
     
  12. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Well, it wasn't an especially great job you did, but it did help clear my kidney infection.
     
  13. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    If you really were at the paddling pool insurgency, What colour is the waterslide????[/quote]

    I don't have to prove myself to you. Those who were there will know me. :D
     
  14. I walted as the guitarist from a band called "The Jennifer Suggestion". There was no band. there was no guitar. For this I am truly sorry.
     
  15. The horror. The horror.