Confessions of a Squaddie


War Hero
We are forever slagging off each other, other cap badges, "celebrity" servicemen, Walts and Ruperts especially the Crabs.

So what have we done that show's we are human too?

I'll start the ball rolling here.....

We once had a CO's inspection of all company kit just before a major exercise. It was only an hour before we left when we got the ok, so, as the signals det commander I packed all the radio ancills ready to be issued in the field - only to find out that in my haste I'd left all the antennas back in the stores.

Neddless to say it took a lot of grovelling with the other det commanders to get a loan of their spares!


War Hero
sh9t myself on foot patrol in NI!

(through a case of Dehli Belly as opposed to fear I hasten to add)
spent a 2 week exercise with the gpmg spare barrel wedged in the cradle poking out of the turret cos I forgot to draw the gpmg from the armoury.


Lost count of how many times,Taking a BFT/CFT i managed to forget to start the stop watch, Also somehow stoping it halfway round the route, Still a lot of lads took 30 seconds off their time which in my coy was the difference of having a weekend or not!

Obviously it went the other way aswell, As they say "smile cos press up's are good for you"


One time in band camp ........ I was caught in a rather daring position with the Swedish consulates daughter to Hong Kong at his residence on The Peak.

Gladly the Ambassador was away and it was only the security staff so I managed to poke her a few more times before she went back home and he returned !!!!


gizmodnd said:
Lost count of how many times,Taking a BFT/CFT i managed to forget to start the stop watch, quote]

Yeah cheers Giz, I think I stiil owe you a beer


Pulled the quick release on my container once, watched it whistle in from about 200ft, one flucked up SA80 Later and a visit to the nick when back to the Shot :oops:
I really skiffed my wifes old flat mate by accident once. We were lying in bed one evening when we heard a scream from the kitchen. I got dressed and walked in. Tanya (the flat mate) had just washed up her lunch box and was draining the water when she caught sight of a used condom in the sink where she had just cleaned all her stuff! Tanya was not very happy with either me or Mrs P_L for quite some time.
On a FIBUA ex at Longmoor a few years back we were holding a room and got counter-attacked. I look around and see my mates gat in bits.
"I was giving it a quick clean."
He quickly puts it back together and we bug out the back, live to fight another day an all that.

As we get together to take another biulding I notice his weapon looks funny.
"I lost the cocking handle so I just lodged a twig in there for now." (It was the old A1 so luckly the twig worked better.)

This bloke is a legend in my unit, he has some cracking stories, all of which he says never happened.
Driving a 1 tonner with trailer on milan cadre. Went out to pick up exersizing troops, got there minus trailer. It managed to drop off at one of the cattle grids and went for a trip into a ditch. Obviously I did insert the retainig pin in the trailer hitch! (No I didn't, I rammed a bit of 12 guage wire in, that snapped) And I wasn't speeding (my arse). Managed to drag it out, but had a bugger of a job explaining the rather sorry looking electrical connection.
I shot a shermoolie at a house with some paras in it in Imber village. It bounced off the roof and set fire to a strategically placed cornfield.


Burnt a german mobile home to the ground at the southern edge "Dorbaum" Trg Area nr Munster. Lots of interviews with SIB.


the_butler said:
spent a 2 week exercise with the gpmg spare barrel wedged in the cradle poking out of the turret cos I forgot to draw the gpmg from the armoury.

A lot of us did that. :oops:

I got my SMG wedged in the turret for a whole exercise, I kept liberating other peoples when I had to go for briefings.Remember a loader got in the sh*t for turning up for stag without his gat cos i had pinched it for a few a while. He covered for me though, bless him, what a decent chap. He nearly got OCs orders for that one !!
I blew the wrong car up in Belfast.
RUC tasked me to a suspect red Cortina,
For reasons that have always escaped me, a blue Skoda got the lot.
Made a manual approach to the defused Skoda and pronounced it clear, the Police said 'Yeah we already know, what you gonna do about the bomb in the Ford?'
i once heard a story of 2 guys who came down from a watchtower in south armagh went into a certain village,to a players house and raided all his washing off his line and wrote some nasty stuff all over his outside walls!what a shame that was.........but no names will be divulged! :twisted:


You all must have had a charmed life, having thought about it, I could do an A to Z of my dropped one's while I was in....... lol.