Having lurked for a while, itâs about time I stood up to be accounted for! This is a first post, and may well be the last if it is not found to meet the stringent ARRSE requirements (sex, flatulence and higher-ranks making d**ks of themselves). A word before I begin: I met some cracking blokes in my time, but they sonât make funny stories like the w@nkers do!) The Location: Army unit, RAF camp, BAOR, 70âs The Cast: Lt.Col. Pussy-Whipped. Known as âThe COâs Husbandâ. This was before there were women in the army, so work it out for yourself. âThe COâ â If you crossed a witch with a scarecrow, and gave it the personality of a Gremlin, you would approximate to this woman. Can only suppose âThe COâs Husbandâ married her was because she ordered him to do it. 2Lt. Joe 90 : A long streak of p**s. Was having a NAAFI break when God handed out talent. But had finished his pork pie, and was first in line when God gave man the gift of running. And could this guy run. The COâs Husband loved this guy so much, he would have kissed him where the sun seldom shines, if it wasnât for the fact that the CO was already there, up to her elbow. Flt.Lt. Stunning Wife. A Flt.Lt. with a, well um, stunning wife. Miss German. Female youth worker, lived in the teachers bloke. Miss Chubby. Female teacher, scorable. JenJen. Goddess of a teacher. Tall, slim, beautiful and stupid. 2Lt . Joe90 and JenJen were a pair believe it or not. They were together whenever they could during the daylight hours. Because you see, 2Lt. Joe90 had the day shift. Who had the night shift then? It was Flt.Lt. Stunning Wife. Please do not ask how he swung it, but he did. The arrangement seemed to suit all parties, especially onlookers. Well if 2Lt.Joe 90 was at least sniffing around someones honeypot, why shouldnât 2Lt. yours truly? But who to target? No FFOâs at that time (Forward Female Observers). The choice fell on Miss German : I had helped her at the youth club a few times, and had a foot in the door â I was anyway in her room quite regularly. One the decision was made, H-hour sat and the start line crossed, it was all over bar the banging â or so I thought. Well into a kiss and cuddle session I tried to land base 2. âoh no, sorry I canât â Iâm in a relationshipâ. Great, just what I wanted to hear. âOK, says I, who is it?â Good reader you have already guess that it was Flt.Lt. Stunning Wife. I wish I could say that this part of the story ends with me in a compromising positions with Mrs. Flt.Lt. Stunning Wife, but it doesnât. This part of the story ends with grope with Miss German before making an embarrassed exit to lick my wounds. Alright, have a pint and forget about the whole thing. Next weekend, pretty p***ed off at not having any real action of the other sex variety, took a trip into nearest town. At some stage of the evening contact was made with a teutonic strand of the species. Not particularly attractive (but on the other hand she was talking to me), not particularly slim (but on the other hand she was smiling to me), not particularly good English (but there again she was drinking, and so was I) â so we end up back at hers. Details are not necessary to the story. I wake up in the early hours to point Percy at the porcelain, and before getting back to bed look at what has ended up in my net. Oops! Gets kit back on and scarpers back to camp. Back in the comfort of my own room, begin to feel pleased with myself. Perhaps the losing streak is over? Begin to feel a little bit randy again, as well as pleased. Award myself a hand-shandy for a good evenings effort. Having just finished, and dried up etc. there is a careful knock on my door. Oh my God â who can that be? Didnât I cover my trail ? A little voice through the keyhole says she is upset and wants to come in. Open door, and there stands miss Chubby. She comes in, explains that she has been out all evening (???? Its now about 04:00!) with someone she didnât really like, and would like some âcomfortâ. Oh my God. Scored once, w@nked once, and now a bint who wants a seeing to. I was seriously doubtful of my prowess, and details are unnecessary other than the deed was done. Next evening Iâm lying in bed, thinking about the evening before and chuckling. Loser streak over and out. Begin to get a bit randy again thinking about the evening before. Decide that if I ever deserved to play solo on the trouser snake it was now. Had JUST finished when there came a careful knocking at the door â Miss Chubby wants some more comfort. What do I do? I now donât want to, but the lass has taken a shine. What did I do? I did what any gentleman would have down â I told her to feck off and wasnât bothered again. Epitath: Miss Chubby married a Captain. I just love it when girls I have seen to marry someone I know. The COâs husband didnât get a mention, why not? He is the star of another story, coming to your forum soon.