Confessional (Dave Allen style)

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by General_Layabout, Apr 26, 2013.

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  1. An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

    Inside he finds a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall there's a row of

    decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a

    dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

    Then the priest comes in.

    "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I

    must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

    The priest replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side”.
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  2. Father 'Allen' walks down the aisle dressed only in his night-shirt and black three pointed hat thingy (on crooked), lit fag hanging out of the side of his mouth, gives a smokers cough and enters the confessional and draws the curtain. Silence ensues for thirty seconds or so, then comes the sound of a flushing toilet!

    There must have been a hundred of these sketches, and this is the one that sticks in my mind thirty odd years later. R.I.P. Dave Allen you funny bastard.
  3. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    paddy go into the confession box at the Church and says " forgive me father, for I have sinned." The Priest says " confess your sins, my son. " the man says " Before I confess, do you promise that you won't throw me out of Church?" The Priest says " Of course I won't, confess your sins." The man says " On Saturday as my wife was leaning over the freezer, I got this sudden urge to make love to her over the freezer, So I lifted her skirt, pulled down her knickers and make love to her over the freezer. Now you promise you won't kick me out of Church. " The Priest says " You did nothing Illegal or Immoral. " The man says " No Father" The Priest says " She is your wife" The man says " yes Father " The Priest says " Then why should I kick you out of Church then " The man says " well, they kicked us out of Iceland."
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  4. BuggerAll

    BuggerAll LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Watched 'Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian' on BBC last night, brilliant iPlayer: BBC Two - Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian

    It included one of my all time favorite sketches. I won't run through it so as not to ruin the punchline.
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  5. Good catch...just spent the last hour watching that. Great memories.