Confessional (Dave Allen style)

#1
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

Inside he finds a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall there's a row of

decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a

dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I

must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side”.
 
#2
Father 'Allen' walks down the aisle dressed only in his night-shirt and black three pointed hat thingy (on crooked), lit fag hanging out of the side of his mouth, gives a smokers cough and enters the confessional and draws the curtain. Silence ensues for thirty seconds or so, then comes the sound of a flushing toilet!

There must have been a hundred of these sketches, and this is the one that sticks in my mind thirty odd years later. R.I.P. Dave Allen you funny bastard.
 

phil245

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
paddy go into the confession box at the Church and says " forgive me father, for I have sinned." The Priest says " confess your sins, my son. " the man says " Before I confess, do you promise that you won't throw me out of Church?" The Priest says " Of course I won't, confess your sins." The man says " On Saturday as my wife was leaning over the freezer, I got this sudden urge to make love to her over the freezer, So I lifted her skirt, pulled down her knickers and make love to her over the freezer. Now you promise you won't kick me out of Church. " The Priest says " You did nothing Illegal or Immoral. " The man says " No Father" The Priest says " She is your wife" The man says " yes Father " The Priest says " Then why should I kick you out of Church then " The man says " well, they kicked us out of Iceland."
 

BuggerAll

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#4
Watched 'Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian' on BBC last night, brilliant iPlayer: BBC Two - Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian

It included one of my all time favorite sketches. I won't run through it so as not to ruin the punchline.
 
#5

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