Confessional -Confess Your Sins Here and Receive Arrsolution

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, Dec 5, 2007.

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  1. OK I'll get the ball rolling.

    Tiffy Ged B_tt_r_o_th in Lippstadt at 49 Fd 1986. You made many in depth enquiries as to who put a half a pound of anchor butter in you respirator during hot weather two days before the NBC phase started.

    Look no further for it was I, then LCpl Cernunnos. The image of your repeated attempts to mask up, standing in a dense cloud of CS, will go with me to my grave. I particularly enjoyed the way the greasy S6 straps repeatedly shot back over your head with a smart soldier like snap.

    The rancid butter rammed up your nostrils was also a nice touch!

    I beg ARRSE readers for arrsolution for this mortal sin!
  2. You, sir, are a genius..... :D
  3. Tidders, late 80s.

    Sir, for having a poofters car, it was I that popped the lock, covered the seats and carpets with water followed by a shed load of watercress seeds to be left in the hot summer sun while you were on leave...

    Ever seen seen a seat needing a haircut (and you thought it was your fellow subbies, throbber!)!

  4. Oh Christ, where to start?

    To the German Luchs crew which received my carefully made pilchard bomb (tin of pilchards in tom sauce, inserted thunderflash without cardboard handle, resealing lid and gaffer tape):

    a. you should have been awake; but
    b. I'm nearly quite sorry. It must have taken weeks to get the atomised film of pilchards out of the vehicle.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Similar thing happened to a 17/21L subaltern in Tidworth in the early 90's who locked his room in the Mess and went away on a course. Sounds like you provided some inspiration.

    (Not I that time)
  6. The watercressing of someone's room is something of an old favourite. For instance, I take this opportunity to beg arrsolution from an old friend from Kings College London in '95 who returned from summer hols to find not only his carpet, bed and armchair sporting a lush growth of mustard seed, but also a pot plant firmly rooted in his sink and a hanging basket in place of a lightshade.

  7. To
    The Completely Bald QM type B**** W***h Werl 1980.
    Sir, I went as a relief driver for a local Army Girls school on a trip and therupon I confess I did not know who you were so I proceeded to stick my jong in yer ****. She was gagging for it too. I spent the rest of my tour Shiiteing myself that you would find out.
  8. 1988ish summer deepest Germany. Then ASM later Major Mick S_v_ge. It no no trick of fate that the harry maskered thunderflash, buried deep in the overflowing Munsterlager South 4 seater thunderbox, should have exploded while you were sitting on it.

    Had DNA evidence been availlable from the Don 10 cable, leading from the flash bulb igniter, to the Bedford 4T battery tray, two individuals would have been banged to rights, both LCpls well known to you.

    The brown fog rolling out of the door and the little blue tatters of German Army bog roll in your hair, will haunt me for ever.

    Hats off to all the Gunners of 127 Battery, who saw it all, but saw nothing!
  9. Well, its only OTC but you have to start somewhere.

    Sorry indeed to the self styled "Capt Sandhurst" of Exeter OTC induction 2005. Chopper of the highest order who maneged to have;
    the mild-mannered CO think you were a cock after 2 minutes,
    the DS want to hurt you 1 minute into your lecturette about Sandhurst, we fellow would-be Ocdt's wanting to be beat you to death with your own arms after hearing 'when i was at sandhurst' for the 20th time on the bus to camp.
    aside from all that, you may not have deserved to have your sleeping bag filled with:
    2x tubes of shaving foam,
    1 DS load of wee,
    1 tin of hair gel,
    and then I possibly shouldn;t have helped you into it while you were nearly paralytic.

  10. Talking of 'old favs', I confess to popping the locks on a certain soap shy lady's car, removing vent grills, inserting kippers and retiring to a safe distance!

    As it was a cold winter, it was hard to tell who smelt worse, her or the car!
  11. To S*** J*****,
    You invited me and some other TAs to your 21st at your father's country seat- quite impressive it was too.
    After the party you wanted to know who threw up red wine on the flag-stones leading to the downstairs lav. I must now confess it was me. You see, as I legged it out of the study (where I was sleeping) I did not know that someone was already using the lav for the correct purpose. I tried to enter it FIBUA style but old houses have good, solid doors and locks. I had no choice. I passed out at that point, intending to clear up in the AM but never did. By the time I woke up I simply forgot what I had done and was only reminded when you came in on the next drill night demanding to know who it was. Like a coward I denied all knowledge.
  12. Say ten hail Clarksons and you'll be forgiven my son!
  13. Sounds typical deco for those that went to the Strand Poly :wink:
  14. Cerrunos, absolution will surely follow WHEN YOU UPDATE THE LEZZERS THREAD!
  15. This was no sin, it was natural justice towards a throbber!