Compulsory call up of mature personnel

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by mwl946, Oct 8, 2009.

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  1. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    Apologies if this has been posted before.....................

    Drafting Guys over 60----this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier-

    New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!



    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

    For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB....

    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real stretch.

    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

    These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

    ***How about recruiting Women over 50 .....menopausal ones !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my Lord!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol.....we will have it secured the first night!
     
  2. don't apologise - thundering good read. I'm standing by for the envelope to drop through the door...... unfortunately, the only bit of my old kit that still fits are my boots............
     
  3. Good times! Get it done.
     
  4. Free beers for life if you pushed that one through - it'd certainly make my life more livable :D
     
  5. Wash putees at 40 degrees or dry clean them.What do you suggest?
     
  6. Call up the over sixties, is that instead of giving them a pension?
    :wink:
     
  7. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    May I pass on the beers and have red wine instead????...........................
    ................I need something to wash down my HRT! :roll:
     
  8. Does your HRT make you horny......... serious question.
     
  9. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)


    Probably a question better answered in PM rather than in an open forum :oops:

    HRT has many effects including increased libido, normalisation of vaginal secretions, fewer mood swings (well, we are women after all, and cant put everything down to hormones), more youthful skin, increase in breast size and firmness, decrease in or absence of night sweats/hot flushes etc..

    Sufficiently serious answer?? :D
     
  10. This is a no go. The smell of piss and cabbage in the accn block would be unbearable.....
     
  11. But the smell of Dabitoff...bet you don't remember that? would cover it...mmm niice :)
     
  12. could you imagine trying to do whisper comms...

    'hello zero alpha this is zero'

    'WHO?? DID YOU HEAR THAT??'

    'oh dear....'

    And the sandbag stories would last more then twice the length of the lessons they would be teaching to the youth however you'd never need REME as my grandad could fix anything with the weirdest ever off-cut of metal!!

    Imagine the abuse kit would get..1980's bedford breaks down and all you get is 'this'd never happen in the fifties!!'
     
  13. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Can you imagine a "Stand-To"?...You'd have to do a "Pre Stand-To" 30 minutes before the real thing to allow the oldies to get up to speed!
     
  14. I recall washing them in cold water - otherwise they frizzed.

    Nothing worse than a pair of frizzed puttees...

    Litotes
     
  15. Just let me and all the other 'Ring & Ride Rambos' at 'em.The smell of p*ss would make them think we were related-that moment's hesitation would be the death of them, as long as we could spray unlimited ammo in their general direction!We'd be cheap,as well.Amstel & incontinence pads! :D