Walked across a graveyard last night and could hear Imagine by John Lennon being played, just thought it a bit strange so walked back across a bit later on and could hear Thriller by Micheal Jackson being played, back a again and it was Back to Black Amy Winehouse.

This just got the better of me so went and knocked on the vicarage door and asked why every time I walk across the graveyard I can hear famous tunes being played Oh he said that's because this is the graveyard where all the famous Composers are buried you can hear Beethoven, Handel all off 'em from time to time, they just like to play on in the after life. Of I went happy at the answer.

Thought I would take on last walk across the graveyard to hear a tune and all I heard was a load of jumbled up notes, but happened to see the Vicar on the way out of the graveyard and said to him, why the jumbled up notes,

Oh he says that's just Robin Gibb de-composing
Mr and Mrs Hill were a happy couple and it was indeed a shock to friends and family when they were tragically killed in a car accident. More shocking still, at their funeral service , as the first hymn started being played the lids came off their coffins and they began to clamber out. Oh no, said the vicar, The Hills are alive to the sound of music.

Coat? And can I have a head start before you let the hounds off the leash ?
a guy was walking through a grave yard and saw a head stone had fallen over, so he got a piece of wire and secured it on a nearby tree. a couple of days later a couple of mates of the deceased were pissed up walking past the head stone, one said to the other "I see billy is doing well, look he's had a phone put in"..............
Drunk squaddie takes a shortcut through a graveyard and tumbles into a newly dug but empty grave. Being quite cosy down there he decides to stay and have a snooze. Just as he is dropping off he hears a bit of clanking and groaning and, pearing over the edge of the grave, sees a skeleton rising out of an adjacent grave. With the hair on the back of his neck rising he watches as the skeleton heads off in the direction of the graveyard gates.

Drunk squaddie, now sobering up, decides to offskie sharpish and is just about to vacate the grave when the skeleton arrives back, mumbling and moaning and proceeds to wrest his grave stone out of the ground and heave it onto his shoulder.

The now sober squaddie cant resist asking the skeleton why he has pulled his gravestone out of the ground, to which the skeleton replies.

The cunt on the gate wont let me out without my ID card.

Cyclo Oi!
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