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Completely stupid things you have done involving motors

#61
Yes. Nearly half the cursed Regiment was set to leave Canada and fight AGAINST us for Quebec in the leadup to our precious Unity referendum.AKA pull a Croatia.The threat was deemed to be so real that our rapid response forces at CFB Petawawa (across the river from Quebec, were put on standby to invade CFB Valcartier and other in order to secure our Leopards and CF18s so as not to have them used against us.During the Canadian Airborne Regiment scandal (and subsequent disbandment) it was found that the Vandoo and 1 CAR (supplied by the Vandoo) were heavily infiltrated by the Hell's Angels. This continues to this day with Vandoo soldiers being widely known to supply the Hells Angels with hash and heroin smuggled back from Afgh. Only this month there was an expose in the National press about Quebec separatistes, from the Vandoo and affilliated Reserve units, who have formed a selfproclaimed Uhmayrikin- style militia, whose goal it is to fight Canadian Forces in the event of a further separatist split.
They are utter pieces of shit, and in my opinion need to be disbanded and put under command of Ontario- based Regiments, many of which have a strong Franco-Ontarien (read;loyal French from Ontario), and all the crims/terrorists rooted out and jailed. This would apply to their Armoured counterparts, 12e RBC, as well. Dunno why the govt. continues to trust these fucks with heavy ordnance. They should be limited to small arms, if any. And we shouldnt trust them with codes.
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#62
I fear it may have fallen into the hands of the criminal classes.
Is that a new P.C. picture the coach driver was black.

Went through the windscreen of a wagon stood up and almost got ran over by an Astra who'd swerved to miss the wagon.(I wasn't driving I add)
Rolled an MX 5 with the roof down at speed.
 
#64
No to do with actual crashing of vehicle, but it could have resulted in that. Or a lot worse, like being shot by coppers. In the gear-up for the much vaunted Y2K non-event, I had my car packed up, and an exit plan to go up to the cottage and wait out the apocalypse. I wasn't stupid enough to carry firearms around until the actual planned crash-out, but I did have all my survival kit, and a recurved bow plus 3 dozen arrows w/ razor tips for deer. Well the event never ended up happening, and me being the lazy **** I was, I failed to unpack my kit for a couple of weeks. Cue my mates coming home on leave. After a grand pissup, we decided to go for a drive, with the soberest of us (not me) driving my car. After about 1/2 an hour I remembered said bow in trunk. You know how people decorate their lawns with those plywood cutouts of Dasher, Dancer, and Donner roundabout XMas time? Well, we went hunting. I ended up hanging out the passengerside window, carelessly thwocking arrows through said reindeer in a residential neighbourhood at 0330 hrs in classic gangsta driveby style. Made the morning papers, complete with photos of Prancer stuck through with a perfect chest-shot. LMAO. Could have resulted in a plod-involved shooting, had we been caught. Oh the fun...!
 
#65
Phone call from HQ 33 EOD.

"Your new car is ready, please collect asap".

Appear at Chattenden to be given a shiny new car with black with red wings and a blue light, wait for it. A Vauxhall shuvvit.

To be fair, the two tone horns were world class. When I used them we got claims for hearing damage from the great unwashed as we passed by.

But honestly, a shuvitt. I ask you.

Never mind, the (Col) QM said. When you need to go somewhere in a hurry, you can grab one of the Range Rovers.

Hmmmmm.

The Shuvitt was a magnet for boy racers. Every one wanted to out do it. And most did.

So much so that coming back from Wales one day and having lost yet another race against some spotty faced youth in a Hillman Imp, I rather savagely rammed the thing from 4th to 2nd gear.

It didn't like it.

There was a bang. Then a graunching noise. I drifted onto the hard shoulder and used the (secret) radio (who said that) to call base.

No drama said the ops blerk, stay put, you are a priority Zulu call sign and will be recovered within minutes.

Nine hours later some twat in a transit van pulled up behind me. "Local recovery, mate, REME local contract from Reading, whassup?" Followed by: " Recover you to Farnborough? Nah, sorry mate. Can only tow you to our depot in Reading. REME have to pick you up from there".

Eventually got back to F'borough. 56 Mt Sqn Church Crookham unable to repair; Reme Wksps Aldershot unable to comply with requirement for immediate repair of emergency vehicle. Open ticket for repair at Vauxhall main dealer in 'shot.

Vehicle delivered. Phone call thereafter: "Sorry sir but we have no standard engines in stock and your car needs a new engine, if we put in the engine we have in stock we will also have to also replace the gear box and back axle"

Do it!

Several days later I got the shuvitt back with a 1300cc high compression engine fitted with matching gear box and back axle. It had to be fed 4 star juice.

It went like shit off a stick (relatively speaking).

A bit more like it.

However getting up to high speed a bit quicker didn't mean stopping any quicker. Getting the thing up to a decent speed in London traffic was exciting. Trying to avoid ramming a B division traffic pursuit escort car up the arrse when it slowed or stopped was terrifying.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#66
My cousin deserves an honourable mention for nearly ******* killing the pair of us. He had a Sierra Cosworth and loved doing Cossy turns. This is like a handbrake turn but you do what eodmat did. Drop it from 4th into second, pop the clutch, the back wheels lock up and you spin the car, flooring it as you line up in the opposite direction to where you were going and shoot off. So he gets a new super beast of a Cossy. And we're out in it and he decides to do one of his famous turns. Completely neglecting the fact that the new motor is 4x4. All 4 wheels lock up and we hurtle sideways into a pine tree just off the A696 Otterburn road. ****.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#67
My cousin deserves an honourable mention

Since we are now bringing cousins into the equation, my twat of a cousin is a bit of a wheeler dealer who buys and sells cars for a living, he usually deals in decent stuff, Ferraris and what not, but he's no stranger to making a tenner here and there on old shit at the auctions. I mentioned him in an earlier thread about his Citroen that ran on Thai food.

Anyway, one afternoon, him and I were blasting along in a Maserati Ghibli near Plymouth, a bike overtook us on a roundabout and my cousin decided to race him. Now a Ghibli is quite a quick motor but it's no match for a bike and all my cousin ended up doing was antagonising and winding up the biker, after a minute or two of pissing the bloke off, the biker decided enough was enough and sped off giving us the finger, oh how we laughed as the bike went straight into the car in front catapulting the rider 100 metres through the air as the bike smacked into the armco and burst into flames.

We stopped and gave the bloke first aid, (turns out he was a matelot), despite being unable to walk and with his new bike now looking like a melted welly, he was quite good natured about the whole thing.

Another time me and 'the cuz', were in a mate's Testarossa that he was 'looking after.' On the A38 there is a right turn off the dual carriageway. Wanting to turn around and head in the other direction, my cousin waited until the coast was almost clear and floored the accelerator in order to do a cheeky 180 into the opposite carriageway and hopefully drive off gracefully. Unfortunately he under estimated the power of the flat 12 engine that sat behind us and ended up doing a 360 instead.

It's actually pretty ******* scary facing the wrong way on a dual carriageway with cars coming towards you at 80.
 
#68
I was going to have a little laugh at the expense of one of the company's drivers.
He drove his 4-Tonner to us to deliver coffee and food and in return we used about two dozen tie rips to tie his canopy to a tree.

It was dark, rainy and he didn't notice. So when he drove off he ripped most of the canopy, including its tubing right off. I didn't see how it finished because somehow we were suddenly speedmarching and I never saw any of that coffee...
 

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