Competition: Daftest Recruiting Question?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bushmills, Oct 3, 2011.

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  1. Who can think of the most purile and stupid recruiting question?

    We have all read recruiting queries on this site along the lines of:

    -"I want to join the paras but:

    a) I have just got out of jail for unlawful posession of unregistered firearms
    b) my mum/girlfriend/wife won't let me
    c) I am a pacifist
    d) I is well 'ard but have anger management issues and problems with authority figures shouting at me
    e) I have one leg and poor self esteem
    f) I have asparagus syndrome (for my tea?)
    g) I have a pathological fear of heights
    h) I have a BMI of 50
    i) I am 12 years old or turn 70 next week
    j) green clothes don't match my eyes
    k) I have a tattoo of a swastika on my forehead and like to torture small animals
    l) I have flat feet, asthma, chronic myopia etc
    m) I am currently living in outer mongolia
    n) I am youth secretary of the BNP/EDL/Communist Party/AQ/PIRA/RIRA/Monster Raving Loony Party
    o) I don't own a shed
    p) I like my civy job as a brain surgeon/rock star/beer taster/airline pilot/rocket scientist/EPL striker/director of merchant bank/MI6 Officer but don't find it a challenge.
    q) I don't like my uni course but my mam will tell me off if I jack it in
    r) my doggy will miss me
    s) The Army Careers Office is on the other side of a busy road and mummy says that I must not cross it unaided
    t) I was discharged dishonourably by a GCM for the ABH/Rape/Manslaughter of the RSM (but I have grown up now and improved my attitude)
    u) I failed the BARB test for the Pioneer Corps
    v) I have attempted suicide six times as I don't react well to pressure or stress
    w) I was bullied at school (by the school nurse)
    x) I was abducted by aliens and the library has run out of colouring in books
    y) I support Osama Bin Laden
    z) I am the reincarnation of Osama Bin Laden ;

    will they take me?";

    -"I want to join the Household Cavalry but don't like horses, tanks or scout cars; what should I do?"

    -"i is a chav wiv no quals wot r my chances of a comishon in da green jakets m8?"

    - "Should I join the Paras, the Marines, SAS, SBS or the RAF Reg't; should I join the AGC first to get me ready for selection?"

    -" I think SA80's look gay, can I have an Uzi instead?

    -" Can I take my gun/tank home with me on leave?'

    -"Will I be excused boots?"; or the classic

    -"If I join the RMP/ RP's, will I be a popular bloke?

    I therefore think that we should have a competition to establish the daftest recruiting question that can be used as a resource for future daft enquiries.In other words, who can anticipate the most stupid question that could possibly be asked?
    • Like Like x 5
  2. "Will I have to go oversea's and fight?"
  3. Are Army tampons camouflaged?
  4. I wonder what BBs excuse is.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. 'Will I have to kill anyone?'

    Not actually a common question, as plenty of ADF applicants don't even consider the prospect before enquiring.

    So now the recruiters have to point out that YOU. MAY. HAVE. TO. KILL. SOMEONE. (you woolly-headed civvy halfwit, where the fuck do we get 'em from, sir? Look at that one with the dreadlocks, he looks like a sheep's arse, fucking idiot)
    • Like Like x 1
  6. I thought it was an integrity question, so I answered with the tru.....err.....lies, all lies I tells ya!
  7. Sort of on the same lines. Had a bloke apply to join my old chocko bn. Ex Rhodesian snco. Combat exp. Moved to Oz has nice family successful business,ect. The psych knobbers knocked him back because " he was capable of killing someone".

    Poor cunt could've run a fucking riflemans course ffs.
  8. "I have failed my medical because I am dead; should I appeal the decision?"
    • Like Like x 1
  9. 'I was a heroin addict, but not any more; can I join?' Someone did ask that a few weeks back.
  10. Should sign him up as a Liaison Officer to the ANA.
  11. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    "When do I get paid this month?"
    • Like Like x 3
  12. wedge_cadman

    wedge_cadman War Hero Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Will my asthma be an issue? I haven't had an attack in years, I still carry my inhaler around but I keep them within arms reach on the back of my wheelchair. Can I upgrade to and Electric one?
  13. What's all this about equality and diversity? I own a Chubby Brown DVD. Do I need to declare it?
  14. I'm a skilled chef, who insists on dishing out at least two sausages at breakfast, and I'm always cheerful and friendly - can i join the Army Catering Corps?
    • Like Like x 4
  15. Will I still get an entitlement each year for sick days? Can I keep facial hair once I'm old enough to grow it?