Comment the BBC couldnt publish on their website

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by msr, Oct 5, 2006.

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  1. msr

    msr LE


    Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes
    this summer, Which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports
    personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation
    with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never
    shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt

    The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of
    heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living
    too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish
    they'd make their minds up. John

    'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
    Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colum Hill

    I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a
    mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail loose
    around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I
    would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme.
    She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London

    The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD
    pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make
    from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they
    stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway

    Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
    like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
    m!nge, He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P, Leeds

    It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as
    well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way,
    such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door
    with a belt. Paul Mulraney, Belfast

    On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach
    the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a
    correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy
    Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied '*unt'. Not only was I
    told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to
    leave the premises immediately. Has anyone else experienced such
    appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family? Noel, Leeds

    My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board
    cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to
    make than this? Alun Daniel

    I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started
    wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked
    it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
    Alan Thakray

    Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of
    Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

    On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in
    Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've
    obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
    Alan J., London

    Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's
    Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing
    into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some
    faster cars. T Barnham, London

    COULD the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris
    patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric,
    Abu Hamsa. Les, Barnsley

    HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million
    selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
    footbal match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law
    for the rich and another for the poor. Reg Ashcroft, Bradford

    The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in
    Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just
    me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the
    poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail

    Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What
    about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about
    galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike
    Woods, e-mail

    With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers
    try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of
    Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last
    time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, Email

    Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with
    the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I
    hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid
    sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond

    I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David
    Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but
    isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? Dave Owen, Edinburgh

    I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But
    I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous
    Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his
    final breaths. Tripod

    I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is
    Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.

    What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
    world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J
  2. Outstanding,

    Especially love the "N" word and the Richard whitley oh and Petre Andre.

  3. Ah, you're bored aren't you ?????

    Good post all the same!!!