Coming to terms with being a cnut.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Jul 15, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Hello chaps!

    Some of you may have noticed that a few users on Arrse refer to me as a cnut, now at first I simple brushed this off as light hearted banter. Surely the fellow in question must be mistaken as I've always believed I was a thoroughly decent, amiable & likeable chap!

    However, recent revelations have made me reflect, I am due to leave my current workplace soon & I've always made a point of chipping in on the leavers card/gift, even if I didn't know the person. But I've only one day left & I honestly believe I won't be getting anything! I'm also terrified no-one will turn up for my leaving drinks. My own team have even organised a day out today but 'forgot' to invite me. Even my one good friend at the company said he wasn't going on a company pish up today, tho yesterday he said he was leaving early & I have now worked that out he is- without me! All this horrid behaviour has made me wonder, could it be that I actually am a cnut? Maybe I've been deluded all these years & I'm really a huge cnut of colossal proportions?

    At first I was deeply hurt, but now I think I may be coming to terms with it. The fantastic thing is that I'm so blissfully unaware, I had genuinely started the job with good intentions & in the space of two years I've managed to unintentionally alienate everyone! That's rather good going in cnut terms.

    So now I'm beginning to accept that I may be a cnut, is there any way to become uncnuted? Should I be a cnut & proud? Are there any other cnuts out there who can give me advice?


    Yours cnutingly,
    ~D.C.
     
  2. Have you considered putting your hand up your arse, getting hold of the root of your tongue, and pulling yourself inside out?
     
  3. wha!!!

    attention seeking cnut
     
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    You haven't even the saving grace of actually being a proper cnut. You're barely even a cnut-walt.

    Hope this helps.
     
  5. also a cunt is useful............
     
  6. Sad very sad
     
  7. If you were a proper cunt you'd shit in his draw.
     
  8. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Don't worry about it, I came to terms with you being a cunt years ago.
     
  9. Best to bow out quietly. Do you really want to be formally presented with your P45 amid celebratory cheering?
     
  10. You'll live. Unfortunately.
     
  11. I think this just proves the point that if you don't know who the office / Regiment / Battalion cunt is, then look no further than yourself................................
     
  12. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    If you are going to take Jarrod's advice may I suggest a novel method?

    Use a piano wire noose to hang yourself, after placing the noose around your neck, superglue your hands to your head. Imagine the bafflement of the police when they attend the scene and it appears that you have ripped your own head off.
     
  13. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Another nice alternative would be to attach a 9mm pistol to some bungey cord then attach the other end to a fixing high up inside your chimney. When you blow your brains out the pistol will disappear up the chimney to the bafflement of the police/your relatives.

    For extra cnut points you could invite a mate over for drinks a few hours before, so that your gaff is full of his fingerprints and DNA.
     
  14. What's a cnut?...... Only a cunt wouldn't realise that the swear filter has now been removed.

    You are that cunt, yes indeedy, what a cunt you are...cunt cunt cunt cunty cunty cunt cunt.

    Hope that helps you to come to terms with being a cunt. I must admit that you've made me feel a bit better for that.
     
  15. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Really!?

    I better learn to spell all those rudey words that my mum says I'm not allowed to use.