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Coming to terms with being a cnut.

#1
Hello chaps!

Some of you may have noticed that a few users on Arrse refer to me as a cnut, now at first I simple brushed this off as light hearted banter. Surely the fellow in question must be mistaken as I've always believed I was a thoroughly decent, amiable & likeable chap!

However, recent revelations have made me reflect, I am due to leave my current workplace soon & I've always made a point of chipping in on the leavers card/gift, even if I didn't know the person. But I've only one day left & I honestly believe I won't be getting anything! I'm also terrified no-one will turn up for my leaving drinks. My own team have even organised a day out today but 'forgot' to invite me. Even my one good friend at the company said he wasn't going on a company pish up today, tho yesterday he said he was leaving early & I have now worked that out he is- without me! All this horrid behaviour has made me wonder, could it be that I actually am a cnut? Maybe I've been deluded all these years & I'm really a huge cnut of colossal proportions?

At first I was deeply hurt, but now I think I may be coming to terms with it. The fantastic thing is that I'm so blissfully unaware, I had genuinely started the job with good intentions & in the space of two years I've managed to unintentionally alienate everyone! That's rather good going in cnut terms.

So now I'm beginning to accept that I may be a cnut, is there any way to become uncnuted? Should I be a cnut & proud? Are there any other cnuts out there who can give me advice?


Yours cnutingly,
~D.C.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
You haven't even the saving grace of actually being a proper cnut. You're barely even a cnut-walt.

Hope this helps.
 
#11
I think this just proves the point that if you don't know who the office / Regiment / Battalion cunt is, then look no further than yourself................................
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#12
I'm afraid suicide is the only option, goodbye.
If you are going to take Jarrod's advice may I suggest a novel method?

Use a piano wire noose to hang yourself, after placing the noose around your neck, superglue your hands to your head. Imagine the bafflement of the police when they attend the scene and it appears that you have ripped your own head off.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#13
Another nice alternative would be to attach a 9mm pistol to some bungey cord then attach the other end to a fixing high up inside your chimney. When you blow your brains out the pistol will disappear up the chimney to the bafflement of the police/your relatives.

For extra cnut points you could invite a mate over for drinks a few hours before, so that your gaff is full of his fingerprints and DNA.
 
#14
What's a cnut?...... Only a cunt wouldn't realise that the swear filter has now been removed.

You are that cunt, yes indeedy, what a cunt you are...cunt cunt cunt cunty cunty cunt cunt.

Hope that helps you to come to terms with being a cunt. I must admit that you've made me feel a bit better for that.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#16
Another nice alternative would be to attach a 9mm pistol to some bungey cord then attach the other end to a fixing high up inside your chimney. When you blow your brains out the pistol will disappear up the chimney to the bafflement of the police/your relatives.

For extra cnut points you could invite a mate over for drinks a few hours before, so that your gaff is full of his fingerprints and DNA.
Will you please pay attention - he is Billy-No-Mates, how can he invite nobody over?
 
#17
Hello chaps!

Some of you may have noticed that a few users on Arrse refer to me as a cnut, now at first I simple brushed this off as light hearted banter. Surely the fellow in question must be mistaken as I've always believed I was a thoroughly decent, amiable & likeable chap!

However, recent revelations have made me reflect, I am due to leave my current workplace soon & I've always made a point of chipping in on the leavers card/gift, even if I didn't know the person. But I've only one day left & I honestly believe I won't be getting anything! I'm also terrified no-one will turn up for my leaving drinks. My own team have even organised a day out today but 'forgot' to invite me. Even my one good friend at the company said he wasn't going on a company pish up today, tho yesterday he said he was leaving early & I have now worked that out he is- without me! All this horrid behaviour has made me wonder, could it be that I actually am a cnut? Maybe I've been deluded all these years & I'm really a huge cnut of colossal proportions?

At first I was deeply hurt, but now I think I may be coming to terms with it. The fantastic thing is that I'm so blissfully unaware, I had genuinely started the job with good intentions & in the space of two years I've managed to unintentionally alienate everyone! That's rather good going in cnut terms.

So now I'm beginning to accept that I may be a cnut, is there any way to become uncnuted? Should I be a cnut & proud? Are there any other cnuts out there who can give me advice?


Yours cnutingly,
~D.C.
I can't believe I wasted seconds of my life reading that, what a cunt.
 
#19
Ok, clearly this cunt is a total cunt but what is it that makes him a cunt? DC, you need to have a long hard look at yourself. Try to work out what it is that makes you stand out as a colossal cunt............and then disembowel yourself with a metal ruler.
 

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