Comic medical songs

Discussion in 'Professionally Qualified, RAMC and QARANC' started by Neuroleptic, Nov 7, 2006.

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  1. I've been spammed to put together a 'life and times' scrapbook for a colleague who is leaving the DMS after a long and dishonourable career.

    I'd like to put a few funnies in, including some of the songs that we used to sing to keep our spirits up. Trouble is, its so long ago and I'm so befuddled, I can't remember the words.

    The two in particular I'm thinking of-

    "Gonorrhoea". Sung to the tune of 'The British Grenadier' and starting (I think)-

    "Some die from drinking whiskey,
    Some die from taking beer..."


    "We're all going for a Sigmoidoscopy" sung to the tune of "Summer Holiday" by Cliff Richard.

    Can any of the old and bold help out?
  2. Due to it being late (and the consumption of Rum) I can only think of Monty Pythons 'Medical Love song' and I'd need to look up the words to that one.
  3. Apropos the above, to the tune of, "The British Grenadier":

    Some die of masturbation,
    And some of drinking beer.

    Some die of constipation.
    And some of diarrhoea.

    But of all diseases in this world.
    There's none that can compare.

    With the drip, drip, drip,
    Of the syphilis prick,
    Or the smell of gonorrhoea.
  4. One from the West Mid Hospital Christmas Review many years ago...

    "Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
    Now he's lieing dead on a casualty bed, his aorta had a hole,
    Frosty the snowman had an aneurysm they say,
    And he'd been on the waiting list a year and a day.

    We wanted to rescus him but the house officer said no,
    "His liver's gone, his kidneys f*cked and his blood-pressure is low"
    Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
    Now he's lieing dead on a casualty bed
    God bless him rest his soul"

    Quite seasonal, you'll agree?
  5. The version I used to know was

    "We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
    We're all hoping for a better view,
    We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
    why don't you come too,
    we can do it to you.

    We're hoping that the light shines brightly,
    we're hoping that the prep has gone through,
    the nurse said she did a washout,
    so lets see if it's true.

    We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy (etc.)"

    That's in the ballpark, anyway!

    Hope it helps
  6. you need to look here clicky!

    buy it for him, its worth the tenner to charity and he will pish himself laughing!
  7. A bit more:

    We're going where the light shines brightly,
    We're going where the veins are blue.
    We've seen it on the x-rays,
    Now let's see if it's true.

    I can't remember all of the next verse:

    We're going where the light shines brightly,
    Up your rectum for a foot or two...


    I also remember a bit of another song, to the tune of 'Close to you'

    Why do turds suddenly appear,
    From my front, not my rear?
    Just like you, they long to be, colostomy...
  8. Monty Python's love song goes:
    Edited to add:
  9. Cheers Chaps. This stuffs gold dust. Keep it coming!
  10. All I can remember is...

    'We're going where the light shines brightly,
    There's going to be an interesting view,
    You tell us that you have bleeding problems,
    Now let's see if it's true...'

    'We're all going on a sigmoidoscopy,
    to find why you've been bleeding in the pan,'

    and then it ends with something about,

    'All your stools are just like jam, all your stools are like jam, etc...'

    There was also one about 'The London Rubber Company' but I can't remember any of it at all. Maybe someone out there might remember? If anyone was at QEMH in 86/7 it was part of the Xmas review we did. Those where the days...5 to 1 club anyone?
  11. Poss second verse?

    The doctors of the GUI
    n'ver saw such balls at all
    nor a case of hurpees that would not disapear

    They poke'd him and they proded him
    to look for haematuria
    But now they are unsure of how to proceed without a garden sheer.
  12. I'll vote for the amateur transplants. Lyrics like:

    'How could you just walk away from here
    How rude can a doctor be
    Your the orthopaedic registrar
    And we've been here since three
    You're the only one that we've been waiting for

    Take a look at me Nan
    We think she's got a broken hip
    we found her in the bathroom on the floor
    You know I think she must have slipped

    Take a look at me Nan
    the casualty doctor stated
    that one leg was shorter than the other
    and externally rotated
    And if you can't fix her then DNR
    and can we have her cremated'

    The whole album is great and for charity too. Everyone's a winner.
  13. just dont try playing it in a civi orthopaedic theatre!
  14. How many Orthopaedic Surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?