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Comic medical songs

#1
I've been spammed to put together a 'life and times' scrapbook for a colleague who is leaving the DMS after a long and dishonourable career.

I'd like to put a few funnies in, including some of the songs that we used to sing to keep our spirits up. Trouble is, its so long ago and I'm so befuddled, I can't remember the words.

The two in particular I'm thinking of-

"Gonorrhoea". Sung to the tune of 'The British Grenadier' and starting (I think)-

"Some die from drinking whiskey,
Some die from taking beer..."

also

"We're all going for a Sigmoidoscopy" sung to the tune of "Summer Holiday" by Cliff Richard.

Can any of the old and bold help out?
 
#3
Apropos the above, to the tune of, "The British Grenadier":

Some die of masturbation,
And some of drinking beer.

Some die of constipation.
And some of diarrhoea.

But of all diseases in this world.
There's none that can compare.

With the drip, drip, drip,
Of the syphilis prick,
Or the smell of gonorrhoea.
 
#4
One from the West Mid Hospital Christmas Review many years ago...

"Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
Now he's lieing dead on a casualty bed, his aorta had a hole,
Frosty the snowman had an aneurysm they say,
And he'd been on the waiting list a year and a day.

We wanted to rescus him but the house officer said no,
"His liver's gone, his kidneys f*cked and his blood-pressure is low"
Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
Now he's lieing dead on a casualty bed
God bless him rest his soul"

Quite seasonal, you'll agree?
 
#5
The version I used to know was

"We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
We're all hoping for a better view,
We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
why don't you come too,
we can do it to you.

We're hoping that the light shines brightly,
we're hoping that the prep has gone through,
the nurse said she did a washout,
so lets see if it's true.

We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy (etc.)"

That's in the ballpark, anyway!

Hope it helps
 
#7
flamingo said:
The version I used to know was

"We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
We're all hoping for a better view,
We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
why don't you come too,
we can do it to you.

We're hoping that the light shines brightly,
we're hoping that the prep has gone through,
the nurse said she did a washout,
so lets see if it's true.

We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy (etc.)"

That's in the ballpark, anyway!

Hope it helps
A bit more:

We're going where the light shines brightly,
We're going where the veins are blue.
We've seen it on the x-rays,
Now let's see if it's true.


I can't remember all of the next verse:

We're going where the light shines brightly,
Up your rectum for a foot or two...

Anyone?


I also remember a bit of another song, to the tune of 'Close to you'

Why do turds suddenly appear,
From my front, not my rear?
Just like you, they long to be, colostomy...
 
#8
Monty Python's love song goes:
Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile.
I've had ballanital shancroids for quite a little while.
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June.
I ache for you my darling, and I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herpes,
My syphilitic sores,
Your monenelial infection, how I miss you more and more.
Your dhobis itch,
My scrubpox,
Our lovely gonorrhoea.
At least we both were lying when we said that we were clear.

Our syphilic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst.
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist.
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine.
I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochaetes met mine.

Gonococcal urethritis,
streptococcal balinitis,
Meningomyelitis,
Diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis,
interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior ureitis.

My clapped-out genitalia is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen.
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender,
Though my parts are awful raw.
You might have been infected, but you never were a bore.
I'm dying of your love, my love,
I'm your spirochaetal clown.
I've left my body to science,
But I'm afraid they turned it down.

Gonococcal urethritis,
streptococcal balinitis,
Meningomyelitis,
Diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis,
interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior ureitis.
Edited to add:
Some die from drinking Whisky,
some die from drinking Beer.
Some die from Emphasemia,
and some from being queer.
But of all the great diseases there are none that can compare,
with the drip drip drip of a syphylitic prick and the loss of pubic hair......
 
#10
ViroBono said:
flamingo said:
The version I used to know was

"We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
We're all hoping for a better view,
We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy,
why don't you come too,
we can do it to you.

We're hoping that the light shines brightly,
we're hoping that the prep has gone through,
the nurse said she did a washout,
so lets see if it's true.

We're all going for a sigmoidoscopy (etc.)"

That's in the ballpark, anyway!

Hope it helps
A bit more:

We're going where the light shines brightly,
We're going where the veins are blue.
We've seen it on the x-rays,
Now let's see if it's true.


I can't remember all of the next verse:

We're going where the light shines brightly,
Up your rectum for a foot or two...

Anyone?


I also remember a bit of another song, to the tune of 'Close to you'

Why do turds suddenly appear,
From my front, not my rear?
Just like you, they long to be, colostomy...
All I can remember is...

'We're going where the light shines brightly,
There's going to be an interesting view,
You tell us that you have bleeding problems,
Now let's see if it's true...'

'We're all going on a sigmoidoscopy,
to find why you've been bleeding in the pan,'

and then it ends with something about,

'All your stools are just like jam, all your stools are like jam, etc...'

There was also one about 'The London Rubber Company' but I can't remember any of it at all. Maybe someone out there might remember? If anyone was at QEMH in 86/7 it was part of the Xmas review we did. Those where the days...5 to 1 club anyone?
 
#12
Mangonel said:
Apropos the above, to the tune of, "The British Grenadier":

Some die of masturbation,
And some of drinking beer.

Some die of constipation.
And some of diarrhoea.

But of all diseases in this world.
There's none that can compare.

With the drip, drip, drip,
Of the syphilis prick,
Or the smell of gonorrhoea.
Poss second verse?

The doctors of the GUI
n'ver saw such balls at all
nor a case of hurpees that would not disapear

They poke'd him and they proded him
to look for haematuria
But now they are unsure of how to proceed without a garden sheer.
 
#13
I'll vote for the amateur transplants. Lyrics like:

'How could you just walk away from here
How rude can a doctor be
Your the orthopaedic registrar
And we've been here since three
You're the only one that we've been waiting for

Take a look at me Nan
We think she's got a broken hip
we found her in the bathroom on the floor
You know I think she must have slipped

Take a look at me Nan
the casualty doctor stated
that one leg was shorter than the other
and externally rotated
And if you can't fix her then DNR
and can we have her cremated'

The whole album is great and for charity too. Everyone's a winner.
 
#16
What's the difference between an Orthopaedic Surgeon and a carpenter?

A Carpenter probabally knows the name of more than one antibiotic!
 
#17
If you listen to the Drugs Song at the end it goes

"You must remember all these drugs, the names of which you've lernt from me....or fcuk it all and get a job in Orthopaedic surgery!"
:)
 

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