Come On Lads, Lets Have Some Jokers

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by stretchrgj, Jun 28, 2006.

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  1. Look lads we've all been there - you're on the range waiting to shoot, or your stood outside the armoury waiting to get in, or you're waiting on an officer to arrive, and you feel like shit, so you need a bit of army humour to get you going.

    How about we just compile a big load of army cracks right here, so we can all learn each others and raise the morale of the British Army.

    Here's a couple to get you started:

    Q: What should Saddam get for his country's defence system next?
    A: A refund

    An infantry section returns from a day's fighting in the south of Basrah. The sergeant approaches the company OC and says "I've just knocked out all of your enemies in the south of Basrah". The OC says "i don't have any enemies in the south of basrah". The sergeant says "you do now"

    A soldier walks into a sex shop and says " i want an inflatable sex doll to take to Afghan with me"
    The sex shop owner says "no should it be a British doll for £10, or the iraqi doll for £100"?
    The soldier says "why is the iraqi more expensive"
    The sex shop owner says "cos it blows itself up"

    Two paras and a green jacket in the office of the selection board for the SAS.
    The OC says "ok - this is it. The final stage. You must now decide who you love more - you're wife or your country."
    He approaches the first para and says to him "morning corporal! have you made a decision?"
    The Cpl says "yes sir, i love my wife more."
    The OC says "i'm afraid this job is not for you. get out"
    The OC walks to the Sgt, and says "now Sgt, who do you love more, your country or your wife?"
    The Sgt says "oh.. my country sir!!!"
    The OC says "look, here's a machine gun, your wifes in the room next door. Go an shoot her to prove it"
    The Sgt goes in, then 2 mins later comes out and says: "Sorry sir, i can't do it"
    The OC says "GET OUT NOW!!!"
    The OC then walks up to the green jacket and says "now, who do you love more, your country or your wife?"
    The RGJ says "my country sir"
    The OC says "look, here's a Gimpy. your wifes next door. prove it by shooting her."
    The RGJ goes next door. The OC hears BANG! BANG! BANG!..................WhACK! WhACK! WhACK!
    The OC runs in and shouts "What's going on? What's going on?"
    The RGJ turns around and says "Some fucking idiot put blanks in the gun so i had to club her with the chair!!!"

    Come on boys, you can beat those, give me some more!!!
  2. Jokes.......Lamp and Sandbag......Huge Sticky Threads........GO!