Combat Chefs.

What are you having for breakfast?

Boiled eggs, because you can't get your fingers in those!
We had a shite S/SGT master chef at Duss who would stand back and let the German mongs from camp pile their plates sky high and tell yo no more left.....thanks for that you skiny weasel like cunt
They had a parade here in Aldershot yesterday as they're pulling down the tower block in St Omer Barracks, the ex home of the Aldershot Concrete Company.


Are they/were they so bad after all? Our cooks were first up and last to bed, always delivering the goods, often with the cheap and nasty rubbish they were given as "fresh". Any SQ knows from those days b4 civvy contractors that cooks did the best (not always mind) with what they got.

And Yes there were horrors too. And a lot of funnies, maybe we could recall some of the laughs about ACC here?
Don't know about the funny stories but the advertising banner that's popped up on this thread is for gay military dating! Do they know something we don't?!


BAOR seems to have been one big p*ss up actually. we spent most of our days on exercise in farmers barns or in schuetzenfest halls at the weekend bcoz we couldnt put heavy vehicles on the German roads.. lots of opportunities for balls ups and comedy as I remember. ACC Cooks may not have been your celeb chefs, but they were aforce all on their own. remember the Summer and Xmas Balls? done us proud.

Excuse the length, but I have to tell these, and then I promise to shut up.

okay here goes with funnies , in Germany on exercise, in the 70's and 80's when there wasn't much going on elsewhere and rations were truly sh'te in general..

QRIH Paderborn in '78, cooks and HQ Coy SQMS trying to sort out the gas cookers in the german schuetzenhalle while on hard standing under cover on "fresh" for once. SQMS is fiddling with electrics, cooks trying to light the pilots on the gas stoves. "Bang" as the escaping gas ignites, blowin all the tapsmoff the cooker, cooks with black faces and singed eyebrows. SQMS comes running in with his screwdriver..."fcuk, sorry, did I do that?".

No.1 Petrol Cooksets, hessian in cooks tents going up on fire, putties on fire, SSMs warming their nuts over the flames, things like that.

SQMS in cooks tent: "this fcuking block of cheese...."

Cook: "eh?"

"SQ: "this block of cheese sposed to have a size nine boot print on top, is it, why u fcuking give me this today?"

cook " well its been on the back of the wagon Q so someone probably stood on it, unless its the company hallmark....." not a lie BTW.

Cooks on Crusader in 70's which some of u may remember.
Two cooks (just out of training)with QRIH on Ex, flapping about breakfast. I kid u not....

"Quick, light that other No.1 burner, just pump it up to max and chuck a match at it" .... "OK but its a bit windy" "Don't worry just get it on mate"....."ok" As I watched, burner fully pumped and bulging, wind blowing a fierce good un, and big big flames everywhere, blowing onto the petrol tank..... :roll: As I watched....petrol tank on burner gets red....cooks shout "run!!!" so we did run,...away.

BIG bang, burner explodes and sends the safety nipple into orbit, along with the breakfast beans....I kid u not.

"Q, er Q?, the burner's blown up" ... Q: fcuking hell, fcuk fcuk...."

Anyone remember coming back to location after recce, and smelling the sweet smell of burnt stew from the cooks tent? That smell travelled for miles and stays with us dont it? . those were the days.

Now, I'll shut up. Sorry. :oops:
I could never understand why the Army calls a cook a chef? mind you some of that contract catering crap I've had is unbelievably shite.
The greatest chef the ACC ever had!

Percy is a local lad who trained as a commis chef at the Grand Hotel, and then served in WWII as an NCO in the Army Catering Corps, driving a mobile canteen across the Western Desert, he made gravy under gunfire. Seen by many as a pompous and interfering, Percy is simply one of those people who takes pride in any job he is given, and someone who isn't afraid to let anyone know what his opinion is.
I served as an SPSI with a TA unit down south

We had a weekend in "barracks"..the sloppies had all the mod cons available, in the warm, the full monty

I was doing the "everything all rights lads" routine and noticed 8 cans of Grolsch lined up along the top of the prep table, the sloppy had a white piece of paper stuck to his mouth like a bit of tissue after you cut yourself shaving, only this piece of white paper was burning and had ash on the end of it as he was rolling out pastry the grotty cnut

It was after that weekend that I named the pair of them SAM AND ELLA
Its the early 80s we are out on exerise and its a very cold january, so the cooks decide to give us pork pie and coleslaw. Somebody happens to mention that there's a good chance they will end up dead if we don't get something hot.

The some discussing thing I have ever tasted is heated coleslaw (warmslaw) :? we were all to shocked to do anything but laugh. :D
I watched with incredible anticipation as the fat minging ugly cow at 1 Div Ech on TELIC as the sweat rolled down her nose into the beans.


Pass the MREs.


When are they knocking the tower down Jack, and why?
RSM in mess "Right who called the chef a C**T?" reply from the whole mess "who called the C**T a chef"
brettarider said:
We had a shite S/SGT master chef at Duss who would stand back and let the German mongs from camp pile their plates sky high and tell yo no more left.....thanks for that you skiny weasel like cunt
The Germans would be first in the queue and would scoff for NATO. I think they lived on camp if memort serves me right...scoff was good mind.
Yep the could scoff for NATO and did live on camp part of 626 MCTG IIRC few brits with the unit who also lived on camp their rooms were done out to the 9's with all the mod con's the German mongs would just have a room/bed space like something straight out of WW2. A fair few were total spakka's and just had jobs like sweeping up grotty cunts were always in the bins going through your rubbish seen one take out a used female roll on deodorant and stick it in his pocket :x then you had the fruit loops like rambo who had the RMP chase him round camp just wearing a tin lid and 58 pattern belt :roll:
Chefs, eh.

I was in the kitchens as a duty bod once. The chef was talking to me and putting a load of frozen chips in the fryer. In an act of culinary genius, he did not slit the pillow sized bag of chips..... he merely dipped the bag in the oil, melting the plastic, causing the chips to fall in.


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