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Colonial Cousins ok?

#1
I woke up on Sunday in a relationship... it happens to the best of us sometimes.

There are two problems; the first the red hair. This is, however, acceptable, as she's natural blonde, for some reason she went red. No hint of pi$$ or twiglets (I've been with a redhead, took me weeks to get rid of smell).

The other, more pressing issue, is that she's Canadian; is it ok to throw one up our colonial cousins? I do believe I'm just doing my bit for international relations... ARRSE advice?
 
#2
Good luck, you'll need it.....

Gwa wannabe AND Canadian? Good Lord. 8O
 
#3
Crabby the problem as I see it is not that she is gwa (admittedly by her own hand). Neither is that she is Canadian. The problem, Sir, is you're in a relationship.

Tis only a matter of time before she tears your heart out and throws it callously against a wall before stamping on it, piercing it with some high heeled shoes - saying "You won't be needing that anymore". Its a good job i'm not bitter eh?

In principle, however, a flame haired Canadian temptress (with all the right bits) is perfectly acceptable to throw your muck inside.
 
#4
PotYos said:
Crabby the problem as I see it is not that she is gwa (admittedly by her own hand). Neither is that she is Canadian. The problem, Sir, is you're in a relationship.

Tis only a matter of time before she tears your heart out and throws it callously against a wall before stamping on it, piercing it with some high heeled shoes - saying "You won't be needing that anymore". Its a good job i'm not bitter eh?

In principle, however, a flame haired Canadian temptress (with all the right bits) is perfectly acceptable to throw your muck inside.
The last one did that (a gwar), meaning I have no heart left for her to rip out... hopefully.

The relationship bit is worrying me; I managed to avoid that one for quite a while.

One other thing... she's got a few squishier bits than previous exes... she's not particularly fat, and she's still gorgeous, but other than playing hide the sausage whenever possible any other ways to encourage mild weight loss?
 
#5
PotYos said:
Tis only a matter of time before she tears your heart out and throws it callously against a wall before stamping on it, piercing it with some high heeled shoes - saying "You won't be needing that anymore". Its a good job i'm not bitter eh?
What you're experiencing is perfectly normal. The majority (note, how I said not all) of women are snakes with t1ts who will do everything in their power to crush your resolve.

Crabby, do yourself a favour-pop smoke and fcuking leg it.
 
#6
[quote="crabby"

One other thing... she's got a few squishier bits than previous exes... she's not particularly fat, and she's still gorgeous, but other than playing hide the sausage whenever possible any other ways to encourage mild weight loss?[/quote]

Crabby, does it really matter if she's a little comfortable to ride on? As a woman, I can tell you that the surest way to ensuring total stoppage of hide the sausage is to hint at or mention weight. :roll: Enjoy the fact that she's gorgeous and enjoys her food, that's a rare combination!

Stick to sex as the main form of cardiovascular exercise and lots of romantic walks. Have fun! :wink:
 
#7
gentlesoul said:
[quote="crabby"

One other thing... she's got a few squishier bits than previous exes... she's not particularly fat, and she's still gorgeous, but other than playing hide the sausage whenever possible any other ways to encourage mild weight loss?
Crabby, does it really matter if she's a little comfortable to ride on? As a woman, I can tell you that the surest way to ensuring total stoppage of hide the sausage is to hint at or mention weight. :roll: Enjoy the fact that she's gorgeous and enjoys her food, that's a rare combination!

Stick to sex as the main form of cardiovascular exercise and lots of romantic walks. Have fun! :wink:[/quote]

I'm not fecking stupid; no mention of weight!!!! Hide the sausage is too important to stop.

Define "Romantic"? Is that taking your lass out for chips? Putting in a couple of minutes foreplay?
 
#8
crabby said:
One other thing... she's got a few squishier bits than previous exes... she's not particularly fat, and she's still gorgeous, but other than playing hide the sausage whenever possible any other ways to encourage mild weight loss?
Short of dropping weight loss pills into her food bowl, I'd suggest picking an event on the horizon that she will have to look nice for such as a friend's wedding or somesuch and encourage her to get a nice new dress for it. Mention that an ex of yours might well be there and that you hope she doesn't mind too much.

The combination of a new bin bag to wear and an old rival for your length will cause her to become intimately familiar with the porcelain altar after every meal and the pounds will just drop off.

You'll thank me when the stretch marks show.
 
#9
crabby said:
gentlesoul said:
[quote="crabby"

One other thing... she's got a few squishier bits than previous exes... she's not particularly fat, and she's still gorgeous, but other than playing hide the sausage whenever possible any other ways to encourage mild weight loss?
Crabby, does it really matter if she's a little comfortable to ride on? As a woman, I can tell you that the surest way to ensuring total stoppage of hide the sausage is to hint at or mention weight. :roll: Enjoy the fact that she's gorgeous and enjoys her food, that's a rare combination!

Stick to sex as the main form of cardiovascular exercise and lots of romantic walks. Have fun! :wink:
I'm not fecking stupid; no mention of weight!!!! Hide the sausage is too important to stop.

Define "Romantic"? Is that taking your lass out for chips? Putting in a couple of minutes foreplay?[/quote]


I fear our definitions of romantic may differ! Mine is long walks either sunset or at dawn anywhere except the city, no matter the weather or if geographically appropriate, on a beach. Chips don't feature on the walk and unless I feel like putting on a display for the locals, neither does foreplay!
 
#10
Slip tape worm eggs into her scran.

Once she's down to the "I can do her doggy without having to hold her arse cheeks open with an Acro" size, pop down to Pet City, grab a handful of Dr Martins wormers and crush them into her tea.

Just avoid any botty sex for a while as you may get the end of your Old Man chewed off :)
 
#11
Crabby mate it's the increments you have to watch, they are the things that get you.

I too started waking up next to a lovely girl about 15 years ago. Soon I was waking up to her every weekend. After a few weeks of this it was only a tiny step to having her move in, after all what difference did it make? We were together all the time anyway.

Then we decided to stop renting and buy a house together, after all it made sense and what difference would it make? We were living together all the time anyway.

Then after a couple of years we decided to get engaged, no definite date or anything, just engaged, after all what difference would it make? None really.

Then one day we decided to put a date on it and decided to get married, after all what difference would it make? None at all in practice.

Then after a couple of years we decided to have a baby, after all what difference would it make? Quite a lot actually, but it was, and is fun.

Then after three years we had another, after all what difference would it make? We already had one, and we knew what to do now. The second one is fun too.

Now I'm married with two kids.

How the hell did that happen? :)
 
#12
Awol said:
Crabby mate it's the increments you have to watch, they are the things that get you.

I too started waking up next to a lovely girl about 15 years ago. Soon I was waking up to her every weekend. After a few weeks of this it was only a tiny step to having her move in, after all what difference did it make? We were together all the time anyway.

Then we decided to stop renting and buy a house together, after all it made sense and what difference would it make? We were living together all the time anyway.

Then after a couple of years we decided to get engaged, no definite date or anything, just engaged, after all what difference would it make? None really.

Then one day we decided to put a date on it and decided to get married, after all what difference would it make? None at all in practice.

Then after a couple of years we decided to have a baby, after all what difference would it make? Quite a lot actually, but it was, and is fun.

Then after three years we had another, after all what difference would it make? We already had one, and we knew what to do now. The second one is fun too.

Now I'm married with two kids.

How the hell did that happen? :)
Fcuk me... she's dumped... My little swimmers don't need to strike lucky!!
 
#13
Awol said:
Crabby mate it's the increments you have to watch, they are the things that get you.

I too started waking up next to a lovely girl about 15 years ago. Soon I was waking up to her every weekend. After a few weeks of this it was only a tiny step to having her move in, after all what difference did it make? We were together all the time anyway.

Then we decided to stop renting and buy a house together, after all it made sense and what difference would it make? We were living together all the time anyway.

Then after a couple of years we decided to get engaged, no definite date or anything, just engaged, after all what difference would it make? None really.

Then one day we decided to put a date on it and decided to get married, after all what difference would it make? None at all in practice.

Then after a couple of years we decided to have a baby, after all what difference would it make? Quite a lot actually, but it was, and is fun.

Then after three years we had another, after all what difference would it make? We already had one, and we knew what to do now. The second one is fun too.

Now I'm married with two kids.

How the hell did that happen? :)
Fcuk knows, but if you run now, you should make it to the airport before she realises! :D
 
#14
the_matelot said:
Fcuk knows, but if you run now, you should make it to the airport before she realises! :D
Wouldn't count on getting a flight though. Here's a thought; maybe the fogs all her fault - some kind of commitment trap, perhaps?

I'd try the ports first.
 
#15
crabby said:
I woke up on Sunday in a relationship... it happens to the best of us sometimes.

There are two problems; the first the red hair. This is, however, acceptable, as she's natural blonde, for some reason she went red. No hint of pi$$ or twiglets (I've been with a redhead, took me weeks to get rid of smell).

The other, more pressing issue, is that she's Canadian; is it ok to throw one up our colonial cousins? I do believe I'm just doing my bit for international relations... ARRSE advice?
if the poor misguided girl has read this she is probably at Heathrow as we speak........... :wink:
 
#16
Poppy said:
crabby said:
I woke up on Sunday in a relationship... it happens to the best of us sometimes.

There are two problems; the first the red hair. This is, however, acceptable, as she's natural blonde, for some reason she went red. No hint of pi$$ or twiglets (I've been with a redhead, took me weeks to get rid of smell).

The other, more pressing issue, is that she's Canadian; is it ok to throw one up our colonial cousins? I do believe I'm just doing my bit for international relations... ARRSE advice?
if the poor misguided girl has read this she is probably at Heathrow as we speak........... :wink:
Actually she was at Heathrow yesterday... Not my fault, honest :oops:

She's still fecking gorgeous though, and coming back for more Crabby, and hopefully little crabby will get a look in :D
 
#17
crabby said:
Poppy said:
crabby said:
I woke up on Sunday in a relationship... it happens to the best of us sometimes.

There are two problems; the first the red hair. This is, however, acceptable, as she's natural blonde, for some reason she went red. No hint of pi$$ or twiglets (I've been with a redhead, took me weeks to get rid of smell).

The other, more pressing issue, is that she's Canadian; is it ok to throw one up our colonial cousins? I do believe I'm just doing my bit for international relations... ARRSE advice?
if the poor misguided girl has read this she is probably at Heathrow as we speak........... :wink:
Actually she was at Heathrow yesterday... Not my fault, honest :oops:

She's still fecking gorgeous though, and coming back for more Crabby, and hopefully little crabby will get a look in :D
is that what she told you? :D
 
#18
Poppy said:
crabby said:
I woke up on Sunday in a relationship... it happens to the best of us sometimes.

There are two problems; the first the red hair. This is, however, acceptable, as she's natural blonde, for some reason she went red. No hint of pi$$ or twiglets (I've been with a redhead, took me weeks to get rid of smell).

The other, more pressing issue, is that she's Canadian; is it ok to throw one up our colonial cousins? I do believe I'm just doing my bit for international relations... ARRSE advice?
if the poor misguided girl has read this she is probably at Heathrow as we speak........... :wink:
Well, he'll still be able to catcvh up with her. She won't be going far today.
 
#20
milsum said:
Don't worry Crabby, it won't last :lol:
Wow - so much confidence!! Have heard from her today - she told me to behave myself at Christmas Dinner this evening... so best behaviour for me :oops:

Do any other arrsers have experience of Canadians? What do I need to watch out for?
 

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