Colonel Blink; The Legion of Frontiersmen

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by londonirish, Apr 28, 2006.

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  1. The bruhaha on the Legion of Frontiersmen thread got me posting, after I heard that some of them believe that they have a role to play in the intelligence and security field insofar as guarding our counrty is concerned.

    Purely for fun, here is the tale of Colonel Blink. He is married to Audrey, his long suffering wife, and retired in Surrey after 32 years in a not-so-famous infantry outfit, the Rutland Light Infantry. After service, declining the Masons because of his families ancient Catholocism, he joined The Legion of Frontiersmen. His last working years before retirement were as managing director of a biscuit factory in Surbiton.

    He has a gammy leg and a fondness of sloe gin, which has led him to a number of hapless adventures in the past. He used to attend the local shoot, but these days, they always manage to divert him away, because he is so extremily dangerous.

    ...to the present day. The Colonel, for it is he, has returned from a liquid lunch at his St James Sq club, the In and Out. He eventually arrives at home, having fallen asleep on the train and woken up in Portsmouth, only to have to travel back to Surrey by a curcuitous route...

    Remembering that he saw somthing odd in London, he dials 999;

    "Col Blink heeyah!", for it is he, Legionnaire de la Fontiere, they know him already and always put him through to Kevin "Fatty" Arbuckle, the busiest desk sergeant in the Surrey Constabulary


    ......."hello? yes I'd like to report something suspicious....yes..yes..I'll hold...oh yes hello, its Colonel Blimk here again, yes, its me again, yes.... Yes I am fine thanks. Audrey? Yes she's at the spelling bee at the WI tonight. Well what it is ...this afternoon, after lunch at my club up in town, I saw this strange foreign looking chap, with a map, and he was looking up at the buildings, you know, Big Ben, the Palace of Westminster, the Abbey and also I followed him on the tube and he went to St Pauls, he did the same thing there, had his map out, looking around, oh yes sorry I forgot, he took some photo's too..."

    *CLICK...HUMMM*

    "....he was obviously doing a recce for some sort of attrocity...hello? hello? are you there? ...hello? hello?".......

    The front(ier) door opens>

    COL B>"Oh hello, Audrey old girl, you're back early, I've just been on the phone dontcha know"

    A>"Hello dear, yes, Marjory had a turn, so we called it a night, who were you speaking with dear?"

    Col B>"The emergency services old girl, I saw a funny foreign type after lunch today, but they didn't pay any attention to me the blighters, they can't say I haven't warned 'em by gad!"

    A>"Yes yes dear, it will be allright, I am sure they are investigating it directly, as we speak"

    Col B>"Do you think so? I should jolly well hope they do, maybe that's why he got off the phone so quicly! Yes tha'ts it Audrey! Spot on!"

    A>"Yes dear, that will be it, now you go and sit down and I will bring you some nice cocoa and put the washing on"

    Audrey leaves for the kitchen, puts kettle on and straddles the washing machine in spin mode...."it's been far far too long", she thinks as her eyes flutter and the familiar stirrings begin..........


    please feel free to comment, or tell us what you know of Col. Blink, especially his mishaps and misadventures since leaving the army. As more comes back to me, I may repost :lol:
     
  2. What's Audrey's mobile number?
     
  3. I am afraid she doesn't have one, but you can get her on East Molesley 6969, try to call in the afternoons when the Colonel is out to lunch, as he always is, whether at home or up at his club :p
     
  4. You sure he is at a biscuit factory, and not infact an RO at Div?
     
  5. he was an RO, but was asked to find other employment after getting muddled up with some foreign dignitaries who were coming over to see the then new Challenger tank, sending them to Chobham in Surrey, which made sense to him as he thought he had read that was where the tanks were,and it was near home, as opposed to Salisbury Plain, where they were putting on a display.

    By the time the foreigners got there, the tanks had run out of diesel. They got a good look at the Chobham armour though.