Cold Cure?

#1
Evenign Chaps & Chapesses,

I'm usually a bastion of strength against any illness, but this cold has been getting me down since the New Year & I can't seem to overcome it as yet. Walking to work in the rain & drinking copious amounts of alcohol at the weekend probably doesn't help too much either.

I've been drinking Lemsip & lots of orange juice to try & get the ol defences up. My dear mother mentioned something about snorting sodium chloride, though I haven't tried that yet. I imagine walking into my local Mackee dees at lunchtime & snorting lines of table salt in front of the kiddies may not go down too well, the local plod will prolly think I'm doing charlie. 8O

I have, however, been gargling with salt water & that didn't really help much either, I've heard that gargling with TCP is quite good if you have a sore throat.

Does anyone know of any cures? I'm willing to give anything a shot, as long as it's not too perverted & doesn't involve sheep & candle wax, my mates tried that one before.

Most obliged, &tc.

~D.C.
 
#2
Sorry DC, I've no idea how to cure a cold.....now if you'd said AIDS!!...I've a cure for that, but I'm saving it for a special occasion.
 
#4
You cannot cure a cold, as its a virus. You can relieve the symptoms, but too much means that you feel ok, continue with normal routine and then catch another cold straight after the first one.

Best thing to do - stay home and sweat it out
 
#5
echinacea can help shorten it, and boost you against the next one!
 
#8
D_C,

No matter how difficult it gets, no matter how rocky the road, no matter what the weather, remember:

You're never too ill to w@nk.
 
#9
Dashing_Chap said:
Evenign Chaps & Chapesses,

I'm usually a bastion of strength against any illness, but this cold has been getting me down since the New Year & I can't seem to overcome it as yet. Walking to work in the rain & drinking copious amounts of alcohol at the weekend probably doesn't help too much either.

I've been drinking Lemsip & lots of orange juice to try & get the ol defences up. My dear mother mentioned something about snorting sodium chloride, though I haven't tried that yet. I imagine walking into my local Mackee dees at lunchtime & snorting lines of table salt in front of the kiddies may not go down too well, the local plod will prolly think I'm doing charlie. 8O

I have, however, been gargling with salt water & that didn't really help much either, I've heard that gargling with TCP is quite good if you have a sore throat.

Does anyone know of any cures? I'm willing to give anything a shot, as long as it's not too perverted & doesn't involve sheep & candle wax, my mates tried that one before.

Most obliged, &tc.

~D.C.
There is no 'cure' as such and since you cannot treat the cold itself, you are just treating the symptoms.
I can't be arrsed to deal with a cold so I just go for the full monty...
'Benylin Day and Night' works for me, it treats the symptoms agressively and you'll wonder if you need to take the next pill as after a day it feels as if it has gone away. Don't be fooled though, the course is for 5 days and you just take the whole package as stated on the pack. After 5 days the cold has been defeated by your own immune system and you're done.
I couldn't get 'Benylin Day and Night' for the missue so I got a 'Day Nurse/Night Nurse' equivalent as recommended by the Pharmacist and the missus said it worked perfectly. Apparently it's exactly the same ingredients as 'Benylin Day and Night' but with something for a tickly cough.
I am not a doctor of course, just someone who found something that works for me (and the missus too).
 
#10
Contrary to popular opinion there are many cures for the miseries of the common cold. I have a couple at home: A Webley Mk IV Cal .455 British, and a Glock 23 Cal .40 S&W. Either will do the trick!
 
#12
Bat_Crab said:
D_C,

No matter how difficult it gets, no matter how rocky the road, no matter what the weather, remember:

You're never too ill to w@nk.
I certainly agree old boy, in fact I've been taking good advantage of the inactive moments during my perilous, near-death, position to indulge myself in such activities. A good thrashing may even prove to be a cure! :lol: It certainly helps to brighten up my day, the long winter nights just seem to fly by! If I were a Dr I'd recommend it to all my patients.

Thank you for your kind advice everyone. Mr Andy sir, yours seems quite sound, I shall endeavour to find some of this marvellous Benylin stuff during my lunch break.

BTW can any scablifters confirm the whole snorting salt business?

&tc.

~D.C.
 
#13
Dashing_Chap said:
BTW can any scablifters confirm the whole snorting salt business?

OK, I'll admit I'm bored so I googled it and it's better than dull and dreary work, anyway came up with this:

As for nasal irrigation it seems that you can do the old sailors trick of sniffing salt water but modern packs supply a little pot in which you can make your salt solution and then pour it through your nostrils whilst over a sink...benefits are claimed to be, cleaning out any allergens, cleaning any encrustations, refreshing the cillia and making the pH on the soft tissue/mucus less enticing to bugs and such like....
Sounds disgusting. Wish I hadn't bothered!
 
#14
Fabulous, I was thinking about making lunch for some young girlie I met at the weekend, now I won't have to worry about the fish sauce.

~D.C.
 
#15
Being an old-fashioned type of chap, I prefer to refer to follow the teachings of the great Pliny the Elder (apologies for the cut-and-paste job):

I find that a heavy cold clears up if the sufferer kisses a mule's muzzle.
Pain in the uvula and in the throat is relieved by the dung, dried in shade, of lambs that have not yet eaten grass, uvula pain by applying the juice of a snail transfixed by a needle, so that the snail itself may be hung up in the smoke, and by the ash of swallows with honey. This also gives relief to affections of the tonsils.
Gargling with ewe's milk is a help to tonsils and throat, as is a multipede beaten up, gargling with pigeon's dung and raisin wine, and also an external application of it with dried fig and soda.
Sore throat and a running cold are relieved by snails-they should be boiled unwashed, and with only the earth taken off crushed and given to drink in raisin wine; some hold that the snails of Astypalaea are the most efficacious-by their ash, and also by rubbing with a cricket or if anybody touches the tonsils with hands that have crushed a cricket
8O

Erm, on second thoughts, I'll stick with Lemsip, Sudafed and 1000mg Vitamin C
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#16
I can earnestly recommend a mix of honey and warm water.
Mix it together, possibly with a little glycerine, then when it has a good stickky constituency, apply it liberally all over bigbird.
It won't relieve your cold, but you will be so disgusted and mortified that you will forget your symptoms on the spot.


Alternatively, as the cold is a virus, using an emetic to make you pass fecal matter, ( give you a good crap) about twice a day will help expel the bacteria that affect the system.
 
#17
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I can earnestly recommend a mix of honey and warm water.
Mix it together, possibly with a little glycerine, then when it has a good stickky constituency, apply it liberally all over bigbird.
It won't relieve your cold, but you will be so disgusted and mortified that you will forget your symptoms on the spot.


Alternatively, as the cold is a virus, using an emetic to make you pass fecal matter, ( give you a good crap) about twice a day will help expel the bacteria that affect the system.
Just make sure you do it on work time, therefore you are getting paid at the same time. What a bonus!
 
#19
As has been said, no cure for colds. Each cold is a different strain of a virus and once you've fought that strain off you have immunity. This is the reason why a bunch of people at work may have a cold and you don't catch it as you've had that strain before and are immune.

A decent nasal spay from the chemist for your snout and I find day/night nurse works for me. That and a few brandies in the evening :D Other than that I just let my domestic sunray know I'm near deaths door and she has a duty to wait on me hand and foot of course.
 
#20
Wishful_Thinking said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I can earnestly recommend a mix of honey and warm water.
Mix it together, possibly with a little glycerine, then when it has a good stickky constituency, apply it liberally all over bigbird.
It won't relieve your cold, but you will be so disgusted and mortified that you will forget your symptoms on the spot.


Alternatively, as the cold is a virus, using an emetic to make you pass fecal matter, ( give you a good crap) about twice a day will help expel the bacteria that affect the system.
Just make sure you do it on work time, therefore you are getting paid at the same time. What a bonus!
For the offices that I work at, the lav is located near the lovely girls in accounts. I fear any overzealous activity there may frighten them & possibly prove too destructive for my ambitions on a certain blonde.

I suppose I could leave a whopper & then attempt to escape through the back window. That way I could become the phantom logger, a rather romantic trait if I ever heard one & it would also cause mass hysteria in the office.

Good show!

~D.C.
 
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