Discussion in 'Cookery' started by Cuddles, Mar 6, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Now I am not normally stupid...who said "No, abnormally stupid?" Come on, I've got all day - my wife's in Devon and my tea is a frozen pizza?

    Sorry, I digress. where was I...yes. I have just drunk a cafetiere of coffee. A big fecker. Which is not a huge volume but I made a classic schoolboy error and used the espresso grounds not the cafetiere sort. so I am now floating four inches of the deckhead, feeling clammy of skin and fevered of brain. There is a rushing in my ears, a pounding in my temples and I have a priapic erection.

    "Which is all par for the course on a Saturday morning" I hear you say but not for yours cuddly. does anyone know of an antidote to incipient caffeine poisoning? I am really feeling very very odd. blood sugar level is normal to low so it isn't that. It isn't alcohol poisoning because I refrained from grape and grain last night.

    Any suggestions - obviously I could put the usual caveat of "sensible" only but as that is a red-rag to a bull in most cases, I won't bother. However bear in mind that burying a toad at midnight at a crossroads is not as good a folk remedy as people make it out to be!
  2. What have you got in the way of depressants? and I don't mean a tubful of valium and a DVD of Bambi :D
  3. In a crisis, do what the British do best.

    Sit down and have a cuppa
  4. try drinking lots of water to dilute the caffeine effects?
  5. You'll just have to wait for it to wear off. Diluting with water will help (a bit), and have something to eat. Veg out in front of telly, and deal with the priapic symptoms by your preferred solo method.
  6. Have another one and head out for a marathon round the park, and take the dog with you, if it can keep up that is :)
  7. Begs the question if you are safe with a frozen pizza.
  8. Alcohol the cure to everything, yes everything,
  9. I would say that once it's in the bloodstream lots of water etc won't have any effect.

    Take the opportunity therefore to do something that will burn up energy. I would suggest that you enter yourself for the Grimthorpe Handicap 3m 2f Chase at 15.25hrs Doncaster. You can win £36k and I'll stick £50 each way on you. :D
  10. Smoke some D.M.T. and fcuk right up. :oops:
  11. Alcohol, the cause of and the solution to all of life's ills.
  12. aye but alcohol is a depressant so would probably work and as hops are purported to be soporific I'd prescribe a stroll down to the pub and a few pints of real ale :D
  13. See, Gift Zwerg I was right but should have used longer words, real ale is a good antidote to cafine
  14. As the saying goes, Guinness is good for you.
  15. Based on experience visiting inlaws in Avellino, Italy:

    All the old great aunts/uncles seemed to be engaged in a contest to see who could get more espresso into us. One cup of the espresso would have all all your hair standing on end. They also added copious quantities of anisette.

    All the alcohol does is make you a very wide awake drunk.