Coffee

#1
Now I am not normally stupid...who said "No, abnormally stupid?" Come on, I've got all day - my wife's in Devon and my tea is a frozen pizza?

Sorry, I digress. where was I...yes. I have just drunk a cafetiere of coffee. A big fecker. Which is not a huge volume but I made a classic schoolboy error and used the espresso grounds not the cafetiere sort. so I am now floating four inches of the deckhead, feeling clammy of skin and fevered of brain. There is a rushing in my ears, a pounding in my temples and I have a priapic erection.

"Which is all par for the course on a Saturday morning" I hear you say but not for yours cuddly. does anyone know of an antidote to incipient caffeine poisoning? I am really feeling very very odd. blood sugar level is normal to low so it isn't that. It isn't alcohol poisoning because I refrained from grape and grain last night.

Any suggestions - obviously I could put the usual caveat of "sensible" only but as that is a red-rag to a bull in most cases, I won't bother. However bear in mind that burying a toad at midnight at a crossroads is not as good a folk remedy as people make it out to be!
 
#2
Cuddles said:
Now I am not normally stupid...who said "No, abnormally stupid?" Come on, I've got all day - my wife's in Devon and my tea is a frozen pizza?

Sorry, I digress. where was I...yes. I have just drunk a cafetiere of coffee. A big fecker. Which is not a huge volume but I made a classic schoolboy error and used the espresso grounds not the cafetiere sort. so I am now floating four inches of the deckhead, feeling clammy of skin and fevered of brain. There is a rushing in my ears, a pounding in my temples and I have a priapic erection.

"Which is all par for the course on a Saturday morning" I hear you say but not for yours cuddly. does anyone know of an antidote to incipient caffeine poisoning? I am really feeling very very odd. blood sugar level is normal to low so it isn't that. It isn't alcohol poisoning because I refrained from grape and grain last night.

Any suggestions - obviously I could put the usual caveat of "sensible" only but as that is a red-rag to a bull in most cases, I won't bother. However bear in mind that burying a toad at midnight at a crossroads is not as good a folk remedy as people make it out to be!
What have you got in the way of depressants? and I don't mean a tubful of valium and a DVD of Bambi :D
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#3
In a crisis, do what the British do best.


Sit down and have a cuppa
 
#4
try drinking lots of water to dilute the caffeine effects?
 
#5
You'll just have to wait for it to wear off. Diluting with water will help (a bit), and have something to eat. Veg out in front of telly, and deal with the priapic symptoms by your preferred solo method.
 
K

Kirkz

Guest
#6
Have another one and head out for a marathon round the park, and take the dog with you, if it can keep up that is :)
 
#8
Alcohol the cure to everything, yes everything,
 
#9
I would say that once it's in the bloodstream lots of water etc won't have any effect.

Take the opportunity therefore to do something that will burn up energy. I would suggest that you enter yourself for the Grimthorpe Handicap 3m 2f Chase at 15.25hrs Doncaster. You can win £36k and I'll stick £50 each way on you. :D
 
#10
Cuddles said:
Now I am not normally stupid...who said "No, abnormally stupid?" Come on, I've got all day - my wife's in Devon and my tea is a frozen pizza?

Sorry, I digress. where was I...yes. I have just drunk a cafetiere of coffee. A big fecker. Which is not a huge volume but I made a classic schoolboy error and used the espresso grounds not the cafetiere sort. so I am now floating four inches of the deckhead, feeling clammy of skin and fevered of brain. There is a rushing in my ears, a pounding in my temples and I have a priapic erection.

"Which is all par for the course on a Saturday morning" I hear you say but not for yours cuddly. does anyone know of an antidote to incipient caffeine poisoning? I am really feeling very very odd. blood sugar level is normal to low so it isn't that. It isn't alcohol poisoning because I refrained from grape and grain last night.

Any suggestions - obviously I could put the usual caveat of "sensible" only but as that is a red-rag to a bull in most cases, I won't bother. However bear in mind that burying a toad at midnight at a crossroads is not as good a folk remedy as people make it out to be!
Smoke some D.M.T. and fcuk right up. http://www.thesite.org/drinkanddrugs/drugsafety/drugsatoz/dmt :oops:
 
#11
tropper66 said:
Alcohol the cure to everything, yes everything,
Alcohol, the cause of and the solution to all of life's ills.
 
#12
PoisonDwarf said:
tropper66 said:
Alcohol the cure to everything, yes everything,
Alcohol, the cause of and the solution to all of life's ills.
aye but alcohol is a depressant so would probably work and as hops are purported to be soporific I'd prescribe a stroll down to the pub and a few pints of real ale :D
 
#13
bigbird67 said:
PoisonDwarf said:
tropper66 said:
Alcohol the cure to everything, yes everything,
Alcohol, the cause of and the solution to all of life's ills.
aye but alcohol is a depressant so would probably work and as hops are purported to be soporific I'd prescribe a stroll down to the pub and a few pints of real ale :D
See, Gift Zwerg I was right but should have used longer words, real ale is a good antidote to cafine
 
#15
Based on experience visiting inlaws in Avellino, Italy:

All the old great aunts/uncles seemed to be engaged in a contest to see who could get more espresso into us. One cup of the espresso would have all all your hair standing on end. They also added copious quantities of anisette.

All the alcohol does is make you a very wide awake drunk.
 
#16
Didn't you realise it was espresso grind when you had difficulty pressing the plunger down! I imagine that was quite a struggle?

Hope you're feeling better, anyway!
 
#19
Dear, kind fellow arrsers...when I looked at this thread this morning I chuckled then giggled and finally guffawed.

Sadly I came a cropper in the Grimshaw handicap, three fences from home i dropped my thermos, ran low on caffeine and came a disappointing fourth by a length.

The real ale cure was the most successful - gloucester Glory is now officially registered with the WHO as an officially recognised antidote to coffee. What made it even more pleasant was a not unsuccessful afternoon at the Beaufort point to point and some alcohol induced frank sexual gossip from the attractive divrocee on the next bar stool. She apparently needed coffee to counter her alcohol induced truth streaming babble! Alas none of us were gentleman enough to suggest that, though we did buy her a couple of white wines to find out what happened on her third date. Does the word "straddle" strike all of you here with erotic sensations? Ity did us!

So today I have restriced myself to two cups of filter! No java lava either. I shall have a couple of glasses of red with my pub roast dinner and so will be in appearance clean, bright and lightly oiled when TFB arrives, shabby, hungover and no doubt butrsting with girly gossip!

By the way, I would like to apologise to my son, daughter and son's girlfriend for giving them a lecture on Scottish medieval politics, inconsitencies of armaments and armour, Norman feudal land holding and archaic Scots variations and the derivation of my son's mother's maiden name via Flemish immigrants of the 13th century. I could I suppose have just let them watch Braveheart without the commentary...
 
#20
Cuddles said:
Dear, kind fellow arrsers...when I looked at this thread this morning I chuckled then giggled and finally guffawed.

Sadly I came a cropper in the Grimshaw handicap, three fences from home i dropped my thermos, ran low on caffeine and came a disappointing fourth by a length.

The real ale cure was the most successful - gloucester Glory is now officially registered with the WHO as an officially recognised antidote to coffee. What made it even more pleasant was a not unsuccessful afternoon at the Beaufort point to point and some alcohol induced frank sexual gossip from the attractive divrocee on the next bar stool. She apparently needed coffee to counter her alcohol induced truth streaming babble! Alas none of us were gentleman enough to suggest that, though we did buy her a couple of white wines to find out what happened on her third date. Does the word "straddle" strike all of you here with erotic sensations? Ity did us!

So today I have restriced myself to two cups of filter! No java lava either. I shall have a couple of glasses of red with my pub roast dinner and so will be in appearance clean, bright and lightly oiled when TFB arrives, shabby, hungover and no doubt butrsting with girly gossip!

By the way, I would like to apologise to my son, daughter and son's girlfriend for giving them a lecture on Scottish medieval politics, inconsitencies of armaments and armour, Norman feudal land holding and archaic Scots variations and the derivation of my son's mother's maiden name via Flemish immigrants of the 13th century. I could I suppose have just let them watch Braveheart without the commentary...[/quote]

So a normal Sunday then? I hope you took the time and trouble to explain that Culross is actually spoken as Cooress and that Milngavie is Mulguy. :D
 

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