Cocaine and cookers

ArtfulDodjar

War Hero
This is not a winge, I am normally the one in a crisis with the answer prepped and ready to go, but rather sit back and listen to the dumb escalating answers from other peers before I release my nugget of common sense. I think I get pleasure from the silence after I have spoken as I listen to the realisation sink in.

This is merely an observation, in my mind.

The other Month (Time given for persec), I arrived back at camp around dinner time from a course. The scene I was greeted by was something out of Schindlers lists, the bit when they clear out the Lodz ghetto, but with less murder. The blocks were alive with chaos as men ran around, actual MFO boxes were thrown from windows, cars were parked as they were loaded with stuff, the drivers looking more like getaway from a bank job than soldiers. It seemed clear that something was up, seeing as no one was in work and more concentrated in hiding what ever contraband they had hoarded.

I however was not that bothered, I lived in the LAD block. Miles away from the bullshit and bollocks of this buckshee regiment that's one ND away form being chopped in the next SDSR. How wrong was I. The scene mimicked the rest of the regiment. Only an SV instead of the car was different, also for a short time there was a human chain formed for easier loading.

I grabbed the first man I could who wasn't flapping enough to talk "CO, Prov and everyone are coming around, 1400, They're checking rooms/lockers/bags/electrical cupboards, hide everything!", "Hide what?!" I replied. "Everything!" The man replied before falling back upstairs.

My first thought was that someone has drugs in their room. Or a weapon. Or maybe stolen the flag from the regiment next door. Whatever has set this off, its going to be big or bone.

1400 came around and I was now in uniform as the official "Block NCO" seeing as my "mate" jacked on me. TQMS was also present as they wanted to check the empty rooms also. Finally someone from the regiment meeted us outside, an SSM.

SSM: "Lads, the other lot are busy tearing the other blocks apart so you have me for your inspection."
Me: "Inspection, I was told you was searching for stuff."
SSM: "I am, Electric cookers, or hobs. Electric hobs I mean."
Me: "What?"
SSM: "Yeah..CO had a surprise check around the block and found a lad cooking on a gas cooker, which is against unit orders!"
TQMS: "Shouldn't he be looking for Gas cookers then?"
SSM: "Clever ****. You have them as well do you?"
Me: "Of course not sir,"

He then proceeded on the most **** search of the block. every room, bag, box. It was like being in training again, when the training staff were looking for pyro you sneaked back off exercise.

My point is this, months before X amount of soldiers were caught for drugs, cocaine. X was a large number. Large enough to start OP KEEPITQUIETSOWEDONTLOOKLIKECUNTS. Not one block inspection. Not a single mattress flipped. Not even a sniffer dog, or a monkey to be seen anywhere. Yet Jonny Fucknuts gets caught cooking his beans on a jet boil and for the whole day we get treated like prisoners being searched. They might as well brought a JPA terminal with them for the weak stomached to sign off.

All they had to offer for this shower of shite is a shit story about a crowbag who once upon a time burned down a block whilst cooking. Natural selection is wonderful. If you cant cook beans with out ruining the place you shouldn't be allowed to live.

At what point did the method in which I cook my pasta become more important than drug misuse.

They didn't find anything in the LAD block. It was all in the LAD. Rumour was one of the regiments guys had a sword in his room. Nothing was done about it. As long as he wasn't using an electric cooker.

Turns out this was a winge.

Meh.
 

ACAB

LE
Well I enjoyed it!

You do realise that Jetboils are highly addictive don't you? Some geezer in my local tried to sell me one last week. I threatened to inform the rozzers and he was off like a long dog.

Edit: You don't 'cook' pasta, you simply add boiling water to your noodle container
 
Stag on and suck it up, you will laugh at it when you are an old and wrinkly Chelsea Pensioner like me.
 
Always thought that the whole no cookers in the block scenario is something that's come down due to the fact that if we could cook in the block, then not many would use a PAYD cookhouse.

Almost as if an ex 1* that mysteriously got a job with sodexho when he left (probably after instigating the idea of PAYD), has told his mate not to let cooking in the block happen as it might affect his annual bonus if sodexho aren't raping lads through PAYD.

Bit like paradigm phones on tour, such a security risk to use a mobile etc, but the yanks have got there's with no dramas. Nothing to do with an mod contract that ends up making lads lives more costly.


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D

Djelli Beybii

Guest
With the title of the thread, I thought that you had been caught cooking up Crack Cocaine in the Block.
 
My initial thought was Nigella Lawson and those chebs she has.


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I like your thinking... Good drills that man.

Nigella's chebs, Mmmmmmmmm
 

JoeCivvie

ADC
RIP
My initial thought was Nigella Lawson and those chebs she has.

nigellaXPOSURE_468x428.jpg
 
Getting pointlessly fucked around with bullshit by a fish and chip shop mob..say it isn't so

get yourself over to the slovenly Para thread you spanner wanking drip monkey, that how you should be doing it
 
Always thought that the whole no cookers in the block scenario is something that's come down due to the fact that if we could cook in the block, then not many would use a PAYD cookhouse.
Its because soldiers have a habit of being buffoons with fire.

Bit like paradigm phones on tour, such a security risk to use a mobile etc, but the yanks have got there's with no dramas. Nothing to do with an mod contract that ends up making lads lives more costly.

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Paradigm phones are far cheaper than a mobile phone. Its really to try to prevent people phoning back during Op Minimise (when someone has died and the family havent been informed) although some gullible mugs on here will waffle on about the Taliban being able to map out the camp due to a mobile signal or the Taliban hacking into your phone and calling your parents. (they do tend to go a bit quiet when you point out other nations have phones, the press have phones, the civvie contractors have phones and there is a ******* mobile phone shop on Kandahar camp)
 
Do they ban Hexy stoves as well?
 
It wasn't the Taliban I was worried about.
 

verticalgyro

MIA
DirtyBAT
Grips my shit.

It was an excuse used in an RAF camp I used to live on why they would not upgrade the communal kitchens after PAYD came in. "Health & Safety" - absolute bollocks. If a bunch of students in Halls Of Residence manage to survive without them all being burned to the ground every two minutes, then why can't a bunch of soldiers (or airmen etc).

I enquired as to if "Health & Safety" was their primary driver, would they fancy sorting out the abysmal ******* heating system that left us without hot water and heating 78% of the year to prevent the lads going down with CWI.

Naturally, the forty thousand stewards that worked in the Officers Mess were in no danger of being made redundant, all to a backdrop of not being able to afford Nimrods.
 
Grips my shit.

It was an excuse used in an RAF camp I used to live on why they would not upgrade the communal kitchens after PAYD came in. "Health & Safety" - absolute bollocks. If a bunch of students in Halls Of Residence manage to survive without them all being burned to the ground every two minutes, then why can't a bunch of soldiers (or airmen etc).

I enquired as to if "Health & Safety" was their primary driver, would they fancy sorting out the abysmal ******* heating system that left us without hot water and heating 78% of the year to prevent the lads going down with CWI.

Naturally, the forty thousand stewards that worked in the Officers Mess were in no danger of being made redundant, all to a backdrop of not being able to afford Nimrods.

Oh, no.

There were only 35,679 officers' "servants" and who would want a 30 year old jet design?
 
Grips my shit.

It was an excuse used in an RAF camp I used to live on why they would not upgrade the communal kitchens after PAYD came in. "Health & Safety" - absolute bollocks. If a bunch of students in Halls Of Residence manage to survive without them all being burned to the ground every two minutes, then why can't a bunch of soldiers (or airmen etc).

I enquired as to if "Health & Safety" was their primary driver, would they fancy sorting out the abysmal ******* heating system that left us without hot water and heating 78% of the year to prevent the lads going down with CWI.

Naturally, the forty thousand stewards that worked in the Officers Mess were in no danger of being made redundant, all to a backdrop of not being able to afford Nimrods.

I can see the obvious mistake.

You applied common sense.
 
Do they ban Hexy stoves as well?
Yes, the Taliban can spot a patrol base from miles away if someone is using hexy.

Actually, on a quite day or night with no wind around. you can smell hexamine burning while you are turning your mess tin into a crusty corned beef container. If the Russians hordes had steamed across the border into the west, hexamine may well have been our undoing. I mean, what's the point of all those elaborate hides etc if the ******* can just smell you!

Interesting to know that it can still be as petty as it used to be when I was in although that was mostly in training, not actually in the battalion.
 
This may indicate more about my present state of mind than anything else but I read the thread title as Cocaine and Hookers and was quite disappointed by the actual content.
 

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