Cnuts Trick

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by dingerr, Oct 23, 2007.

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  1. One of the lads brought a new IPod Nano and was busy showing it off as squaddies invariably do.

    I had a look and promptly changed the language to Chinese (same as i do when someone is bragging about their new mobile).

    In essence a CNUTS TRICK.

    What Cnuts tricks have the members of ARRSE done? And have there been any memorable reactions?
  2. 1. Change the signature block of someones e-mail.

    2. Within MS word, goto Tools, Autochange, then Autocorrect. You can replace words, i.e change "and" to "cnut", so everytime "and" is typed, cnut appears!
  3. You need help. Serious help! :D Welcome to the club...
  4. I certainly do!

    I'm ferking CARAAZY!!!!
  5. Thrown my mates beret out the window 3 seconds before the OC walked in for a room inspection. Some of us saluted and some of us got a bollocking of the SSM.
    Whilst clearing snow(the great jobs squaddies have) decided to pile up snow behind and to both sides of the SSMs car.(It only cost of three room inspections.
  6. Ahh well, someone has to draw the short straw.
  7. Put a yellow stickie on someones monitor saying "Matt from the Med Centre rang on ?????

    Mat is the CO of your unit lol

    I rang an ex missus in work once, but a colleague answered instead. So I said, "It's Doctor Smith here, please could you Miss ??? that her test results for her gonhorria has come back negative!!
  8. As my mother would say.

    "You Little Shit!" :D
  9. Changed the alarm clock time of my roommate with the result that he woke up an hour late. This was during our followup training after basic training.

    Didn't know at that time that he had one of the very few clocks in the barracks and that he was supposed to wake up half the platoon for morning formation.

    Consequence was that most of the class was late and we got subjected to some of the harshest physical training that morning because the CO got involved.

    I never confessed.

    Till now.

    Forgive me, Tim.
  10. I know, she calls me it all the time!!
  11. Do you mean, like...

    Going to the bog and finding an SLR in there, propped against the back wall.

    Checking the number against the list in my notebook and finding it belongs to a relatively new Sapper.

    Removing the breech block, but replacing the slide and leaving the rest of the rifle in the bog, where it was found.

    Then two days later, on parade, asking the bods individually whether they had cleaned their weapon.

    When reaching Sapper XXXX and he confirms that he has, pulling out his breech block from my pocket and asking whether he had fully understood the question.

    Sapper XXXX is now a Colonel, but don't worry [name omitted to protect the guilty], this and our other secrets are safe with me!

  12. Hehehe!!

    Did the same thing to an old squad leader of mine.

    Took out the bolt action group from his M-16 while down at the rifle range after he proppped his weapon whilst he used the john.

    He gets on the firing line, gets down on prone, loads the magazine, cocks the thing, pulls the trigger.

    Nothing happens.

    Thirty minutes later, I am standing infront of the range safety officer trying to explain it all to the man. He had no sense of humor at all. He yelled at me till he turned blue in the face.

    I lost a months pay for that.
  13. Put some loose gravel in the hubcaps of someones car. When they drive off, it rattles like fcuk, but when they stop it stops.

    It will drive them mad!!!
  14. Buy some Blood Capsules from the local joke shop. Just before a relative gets home, lay at the bottom of the stairs or outside under a open window and bite on 'em, sending a gallon of fake blood spewing from your mush!

    Tip top to get your relative's heart racing and to gauge how much they love you by their screaming.