Cnuts Trick

#1
One of the lads brought a new IPod Nano and was busy showing it off as squaddies invariably do.

I had a look and promptly changed the language to Chinese (same as i do when someone is bragging about their new mobile).

In essence a CNUTS TRICK.

What Cnuts tricks have the members of ARRSE done? And have there been any memorable reactions?
 
#2
..
 
#3
1. Change the signature block of someones e-mail.

2. Within MS word, goto Tools, Autochange, then Autocorrect. You can replace words, i.e change "and" to "cnut", so everytime "and" is typed, cnut appears!
 
#4
Pyrex said:
1. Change the signature block of someones e-mail.

2. Within MS word, goto Tools, Autochange, then Autocorrect. You can replace words, i.e change "and" to "cnut", so everytime "and" is typed, cnut appears!
You need help. Serious help! :D Welcome to the club...
 
#5
I certainly do!

I'm ferking CARAAZY!!!!
 
#6
Thrown my mates beret out the window 3 seconds before the OC walked in for a room inspection. Some of us saluted and some of us got a bollocking of the SSM.
Whilst clearing snow(the great jobs squaddies have) decided to pile up snow behind and to both sides of the SSMs car.(It only cost of three room inspections.
 
#8
Put a yellow stickie on someones monitor saying "Matt from the Med Centre rang on ?????

Mat is the CO of your unit lol

I rang an ex missus in work once, but a colleague answered instead. So I said, "It's Doctor Smith here, please could you Miss ??? that her test results for her gonhorria has come back negative!!
 
#9
As my mother would say.

"You Little Shit!" :D
 
#10
Changed the alarm clock time of my roommate with the result that he woke up an hour late. This was during our followup training after basic training.

Didn't know at that time that he had one of the very few clocks in the barracks and that he was supposed to wake up half the platoon for morning formation.

Consequence was that most of the class was late and we got subjected to some of the harshest physical training that morning because the CO got involved.

I never confessed.

Till now.

Forgive me, Tim.
 
#11
RitchieRitch69 said:
As my mother would say.

"You Little s***!" :D
I know, she calls me it all the time!!
 
#12
Do you mean, like...

Going to the bog and finding an SLR in there, propped against the back wall.

Checking the number against the list in my notebook and finding it belongs to a relatively new Sapper.

Removing the breech block, but replacing the slide and leaving the rest of the rifle in the bog, where it was found.

Then two days later, on parade, asking the bods individually whether they had cleaned their weapon.

When reaching Sapper XXXX and he confirms that he has, pulling out his breech block from my pocket and asking whether he had fully understood the question.

Sapper XXXX is now a Colonel, but don't worry [name omitted to protect the guilty], this and our other secrets are safe with me!
 
#13
putteesinmyhands said:
Do you mean, like...

Going to the bog and finding an SLR in there, propped against the back wall.

Checking the number against the list in my notebook and finding it belongs to a relatively new Sapper.

Removing the breech block, but replacing the slide and leaving the rest of the rifle in the bog, where it was found.

Then two days later, on parade, asking the bods individually whether they had cleaned their weapon.

When reaching Sapper XXXX and he confirms that he has, pulling out his breech block from my pocket and asking whether he had fully understood the question.

Sapper XXXX is now a Colonel, but don't worry [name omitted to protect the guilty], this and our other secrets are safe with me!

Hehehe!!

Did the same thing to an old squad leader of mine.

Took out the bolt action group from his M-16 while down at the rifle range after he proppped his weapon whilst he used the john.

He gets on the firing line, gets down on prone, loads the magazine, cocks the thing, pulls the trigger.

Nothing happens.

Thirty minutes later, I am standing infront of the range safety officer trying to explain it all to the man. He had no sense of humor at all. He yelled at me till he turned blue in the face.

I lost a months pay for that.
 
#14
Put some loose gravel in the hubcaps of someones car. When they drive off, it rattles like fcuk, but when they stop it stops.

It will drive them mad!!!
 
#15
Buy some Blood Capsules from the local joke shop. Just before a relative gets home, lay at the bottom of the stairs or outside under a open window and bite on 'em, sending a gallon of fake blood spewing from your mush!

Tip top to get your relative's heart racing and to gauge how much they love you by their screaming.
 
#16
Of course, the most common trick, in the days of the Series II and III Rovers, was to push down the 4WD knob. Then wait for the novice driver to complain about the loose steering.

....and for the Master Driver to complain about tyre wear.


Or to move the fuel tank change lever to the central position... and wait about 5 minutes.


One of the lads used to leave bogeys at the back of the steering when when it was time to change drivers.... usually at the bottom, so you didn't find out until you'd turned a sharp corner.
 
#17
When I was a kid I had fake rubber puke. I placed it just under the meat counter in the indoor market. Well the old women were gagging themselves when they saw it. I was pissing myself laughing!!!

I also had a plastic dog turd. I ran hot water on it for a few seconds and placed it at the bottom of the stairs of my Nan's house. I called her to come have a look at the "fresh steaming turd". Well fook me, she went fcuking nuts, she was screaming her head off, shouting and kicking the poor dog!!
 
#18
RitchieRitch69 said:
Buy some Blood Capsules from the local joke shop. Just before a relative gets home, lay at the bottom of the stairs or outside under a open window and bite on 'em, sending a gallon of fake blood spewing from your mush!

Tip top to get your relative's heart racing and to gauge how much they love you by their screaming.
Brother-in-law did something similar, but put his head through a (closed!) ground floor window to wish his sister a Happy New Year.

Fortunately, his cousin, a Theatre Nurse, was passing and managed to stem the arterial bleeding. He made a full recovery after a week or so in Intensive Care.

Unfortunately, this occurred in Northumberland and he was not only based in Germany, but was also supposed to be on Guard....
 
#19
Haha! I tried it on my mother, who then was a Scrub Nurse in theatre's. Upon seeing me, she went into what I call 'Nurse Rage' mode and when I stopped pretending to be dead, she gave me a good two hour lecture on how not to pretend to be....*YAWN* Oh sorry, must have dropped off.

Plus, she forced me to go to work with her one day so she could show photo's of what happened to real patients who needed real care but didn't get any, 'cause in her words, 'Wanker's like me used up the time.'
 
#20
It's ard to draw te line between cnutis trick and mong-test sometimes. Tese are some of te mongtests I've seen. (Sorry for te spelling. Tis keyboard as no otel key).

Nab someone's cocking andle.
Nab te poor fool's firing pin.
Put is susat on backwards.
Rob te gear lever out of is landrover.
Walk up beind someone wo is scared of spiders and ask if e'd like to see your camel spider, presenting a double andfull of wat e tinks is spidery deat, but infact is noting. Later defend yourself by reminding im tat camel spiders are not really spiders anyway, and e ad noting to fear since te average person swallows seven spiders in teir sleep over te course of teir lifetime.
Steal te 'otel key off someone laptop. Fcuking cnut!
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
devexwarrior The NAAFI Bar 181
meerkatz The NAAFI Bar 36
Gaz_ED The NAAFI Bar 88

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top