Club 18 - act a cnut

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Apr 20, 2006.

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  1. I'm too old to attend a club 18-30 holiday now but Shortfuse just reminded me of one I went on in Salou many moons ago.

    It was a fortnight, but after a week two of us were sent home and banned from the resort for, in thier words being 'The vilest peopel ever to visit the resort' Jesus, they couldn't have bigged us up anymore, we were handslapping and hi fiving all the way to the airport (after they undid the handcuffs)

    We'd been there a few days and the holiday before us was checking out, we'd met up with a couple of trouts and they had to check out of thier rooms. They asked if they could leave thier suitcases in out rooms until thier transport took them to the airport, reluctantly we agreed.

    I stumbled back to the room mid morning as I was touching cloth, sat on the pot I saw thier suitcases...... the devil on my shoulder gave me some jip and before I knew it I was hiding my fisrt, second and third wipe half way through her suitcase.

    Giggling I returned to the pool to tell my pal what I'd done.... he said which one? I replied, the chavvy chequed case, coolly he looked at me and said 'Good Drills, there is a curry sh1t in the other'

    We said our farewells, and exchanged false numbers.

    I still giggle today at the mental image of them opening thier cases on return to blighty.....

    Any other arrsers got any gopping holiday tales to share?
  2. I remember been in Spain, Benidorm i think, Some slapper was giving a mate some jip about some crap or other. As she nipped of for a slash he had great pleasure in rubbing his sweaty dick on the tips of her 20 Lambert and Bulter!
  3. Imagine them getting stopped at customs... Pack this bag yourself did you madam? left it unattended at all?
  4. I strive to one day grace these virtual pages with a story as glorious as yours!

    Until that day I'll just spend the rest of my time telling everyone about my brother getting deported from Portugal on a family holiday (I still glow with pride every time I think about it!)

    Basically, he went to Portugal with the family - to spend a couple of weeks bonding with the folks, a nice relaxed holiday away from the influences of his mates... Well, that was until they decided to let him invite his best mate! THey even managed to do pretty well - going 9 days without incident and it all started to look rather promising until day 10.

    My brother and his friend went to a local outdoor club - consumed a rather large amount of cheap beer, got chatting to some girls, took them round the back and gave them one. Problem is - they were portugese, had portugese boyfriends at the club and they were probably the only 2 British guys there. The boyfriends found out that these two pissed up English fcukers had deflowered their precious sweethearts so gathered a mob and chased my brother and his mate halfway across town.

    After about 10minutes of running and hiding - there were only a few left so they decided to turn and face them, grabbed some bricks and found 3 of the mob who got separated - and they proceeed to pan their faces in. My brother got bottled, his mate got knocked out cold and then the 3 men legged it - leaving them to bleed and basically die in a back alley. They managed to stagger to their feet and went to a local police station only to discover that the local police can't speak a word of english and that they didn't take too kindly to my brother spitting blood and teeth all over their nice new carpet.

    Not only did my brother's mate have about 15 stitches in his head but they were both on the next plane home - after being treated medically and then frog marched through a family resort to greet my parents.

    We're all waiting with glee for his company to send him on a business trip to Portugal.... "errr... I can't go boss!" Fantastico!
  5. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    You know the way the Krauts put their towels on the sunbeds? A mate took some itching powder with him & liberally sprinkled it on the towels before they got to the pool! Itching & scratching all around!!
  6. Fcuk me that was naughty!

    Did he pre plan it and have 'itching powder' on his shopping list prior to flying to Magaluf
  7. A very interesting tale
  8. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Did Llorett del Mar back in the 18th century and my mate ended up having relations with a German bird from Osnabrucke, pity we paid £200 to get away from them!
  9. On holiday in paris, Complaint of cockcroaches in our room (the room was heaving with them) went on deaf ears, they refused to move us, so we spent several days collecting them with well placed homemade collecting boxes baited with food.

    On the day we were leaving we took the cockroaches down to the buffet breakfast bar (cerals, girly french bready breakfast rolls etc) and let them lose amongst the food, sat back at 'our' table and watched the fun start :)

  10. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    I gather he took it just in case.Was'nt there but it was a tale he told in the NAAFI when he got back.
  11. Why were you kicked out MDN? Was it because of the curry and wipes or is there another story? :D
  12. Not telling :oops:
  13. Go on...


    You can't leave us dangling like that.
  14. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    He followed through while attempting his jacuzzi impression at the pool bar.
  15. I shagged a gingwa