Climax of the Jubilee: the vinegar stroke of midnight

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Stonker, Jun 7, 2012.

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  1. I've been mulling this over all day - I need advice.

    Here's how it is.

    At about 00:05 hrs yesterday morning, I stepped out my palatial abode here in Candleford, to check the security of the garages before turning in.

    It was warm, clear and the air was still. Candleford was bathed in moonlight, and silent . . .

    Save for the noise emanating from the open, lighted windows of the semi-detached dwelling 30m from mine, on the other side of the fence.

    From which came the sound of a ladies voice, clearly in the home stretch of receiving a monstrously generous portion from her beau.

    At first I thought I was listening to the cafe scene from When Harry Met Sally played at a volume Led Zep would have struggled to match: but the performer was clearly ad-libbing and loving every minute of it.

    When the pair finally and suddenly fell silent (collapsing, sweat-sodden, no doubt, and her looking like a well-travelled plaster's radio) I paused, for suitable dramatic effect, and delivered a round of very loud applause, in hopes it would reach her ears through the open casement of the abode.

    NOW - here's where the advice comes in:

    Should I now drop through the letter box an anonymous card registering a connoiseur's appreciation of a fine performance, or is there a more fitting gesture to be made here?

    Over to you
  2. One of your old crusty wank socks would say more than any letter could.
  3. With wank sock, NVGs and an ear trumpet to hand?
  4. Instead, make the card a certificate giving marks out of 10, and incite them to try harder.
  5. Volume she was operating at, my friend, there'd be serious H&S issues associated with the use of an ear trumpet, even for an ex-WOMBAT man like me . .
  6. Video footage and pics next time please.