Claude the Centipede

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Monty417, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Albert was very lonely and so he decided life would be better if he had a pet. So he went to the pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.

    He took the box back home, found a good spot for it, called the centipede Claude and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub to have a drink.

    He asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to come down to the pub with me and have a beer?'

    But there was no answer from his new pet.

    This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again,

    'Claude! How about us going to the pub for a drink?'

    Again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

    So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, 'Oi, Claude mate! Would you like to go to The Red Lion and have a drink with me?'

    A little voice came out of the box:...........




    'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my Fucking shoes on!!!!'