Classic sayings

#1
in EOD in the early 90's we used to have a guy, we'll call him Frank, who used to come out with some classic statements and one liners which to him made complete sense. for example, he'd ask "what's in that ham sandwich Nobby" Nobby says "chicken Frank" Frank says " I'm not having one of them then"
another, while driving a minibus in rush hour on the M25 all the lads dozing in the back Frank mumbles to himself " Wish I had a orange flashing light" one of the lads, and to be fair, he didn't know frank that well, asked "why's that frank?" " so I could paint it green and pretend I'm a doctor" this woke the rest of the guys up as they were trying to fathom the logic of it all.

Another one which is probably an urban myth as it happened to my mate's dad's cousin, RSM inspects the JNCO cadre finds that one man's No2 dress is not up to his standard. The Razz man places the end of his stick on the young sapper's chest and says "there's a piece of sh*t on the end of my stick!" to which the young toffee wrapper looks down calmly, looks at the RSM and says "Nothing my end sir" this was swiftly followed by a red faced RSM screaming "GO TO JAIL!"


someone out there must have some more, urban myth or not
 
#3
Ali_Gee said:
Another one which is probably an urban myth as it happened to my mate's dad's cousin, RSM inspects the JNCO cadre finds that one man's No2 dress is not up to his standard. The Razz man places the end of his stick on the young sapper's chest and says "there's a piece of sh*t on the end of my stick!" to which the young toffee wrapper looks down calmly, looks at the RSM and says "Nothing my end sir" this was swiftly followed by a red faced RSM screaming "GO TO JAIL!"
Heard that one as a JL in 88. be nice think there's some truth behind it. :D
 
#4
One quote that has stuck in my mind from basic training:

Whilst being marched about bassingbourn from full screw: ''Dress over to the left, you're crowding my aura''
 
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#5
Visit by a Senior Officer many years ago:

"And you are?"

"Cpl Feckwit Sir"

"How long have you been in the army Feckwit?"

"5 years Sir!"

"And are you happy in the army?"

"Oh yes Sir"

"And what were you before you joined the army?"

"Even Fecking happier Sir!"
 
#6
"If you cant fly with eagles in the day. Then stop tooting with the owls you fcuking crow."

Oh and

"Fill out an AGAI form for yourself and leave me space to sign it"
 
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#7
"What would you rather be? A tiger or a Worm?"

"Well who ever heard of a wormskin rug?"

Arnold J Rimmer
Red Dwarf
 
#8
Herrenbloke said:
Visit by a Senior Officer many years ago:

"And what were you before you joined the army?"

"Even Fecking happier Sir!"
And not forgetting the old classic:-

"What will you do when you leave the Army?"

"Cartwheels Sir!"
 
#9
Plant troop attending Padre's Hour in the attic bar (closed of course) in 44 Sqn in early 80's. Everyone bitching about everything as usual - Padre (browbeaten, looking round for some positive waves) notices Staaken quietly grinning - "You seen happy though - why is that?"
"I'm feckin posted Padre, that's why....."
Funny at the time, felt a bit bad for padre later though. Well, not much really.
 
#10
In basic training, about to go out on exercise. Full Screw is making everyone jump up and down to make sure there’s nothing rattling around loose in our webbing. One of the guys webbing makes a clanking sound.

Full Screw – “You sound like a f*cking skeleton w*nking in a biscuit tin!”
 
#11
old rq in antrim had a favourite should you need a haircut it went along the lines of "haircut son & make like robinson crusoe"....... "sorry sir"......"get it done by friday" or another was to be sent for a box of "naomi campbells" (black bags) not very pc nowadays but nevertheless still amusing.
 
#12
Ali_Gee said:
in EOD in the early 90's we used to have a guy, we'll call him Frank, who used to come out with some classic statements and one liners which to him made complete sense. for example, he'd ask "what's in that ham sandwich Nobby" Nobby says "chicken Frank" Frank says " I'm not having one of them then"
another, while driving a minibus in rush hour on the M25 all the lads dozing in the back Frank mumbles to himself " Wish I had a orange flashing light" one of the lads, and to be fair, he didn't know frank that well, asked "why's that frank?" " so I could paint it green and pretend I'm a doctor" this woke the rest of the guys up as they were trying to fathom the logic of it all.


Ali - you really need to set the scene and build up Frank's part more, I'll add a couple more;

Did you see that see that Lizard driving down to Al Jubial Frank?
What was it driving?

On the Gallahad steaming into Bahrain for a bit of R & R when Frank pipes up, " look, theres the American Royal Navy"

Giving us a history lesson, " Then of course there was the English Civil war between the roundheads and the Squareheads"

That said, cant thank him enough for keeping my morale up during that tour. :D
 
#13
Being inspected by RSM, beady eyes boring into every inch of my being looking for an excuse to go into apoplectic rage. Finally,he finds something he can find fault with. He leans towards my shell-like and hisses "You've got twisted laces!" I blink non-plussed, lost for words that won't incur the wrath. He steps back and screams "That means you've got a twisted f uckin mind!!" 8O
 
#14
Ok Disruptor, here's some more from Frank. In the EOD Bar, then at Lodge hill camp, Frank is pissed and has had enough but still has half a pint left, the turns to big V***S and says "chuck that out of the window mate, I've had enough" Biggun says "give it to the barman, he'll pour it down the sink" to which Frank replied "No way! that'd be a waste!!"

Another time, doing clearance on Failaka Island off Kuwait we were waiting for a long overdue clapped out ferry to bring us back to the mainland, Frank mumbles to himself, "if this ferry doesn't come soon I'll get in that canoe over there and swim home"
 
#15
Walking on the grass between the blocks at Ripon, my section banana got spotted by the RazMan.

“Stand still” screams the Razman “it takes weeks for grass to grow an inch and boots kill it in a minute”

“for every step you take to get of my grass I will award you 2 extra’s so make like a grass hopper and get the Fak off it”

My full Screw immediately got down and crawled back to the opposite path then stood up.

The Razman screams “what the Fak do you call that ?”

My full Screw says “ A grass snake Sir, I ate the grass hopper” :roll:
 
#16
Waz, a guy in 50 sqn was coming out of the cookhouse in RAF Laarbruch when the orderly officer, a flying officer stopped him, waz honestly didn't clock the fact he was an orifice due to the skinny little rank badge they have, the ord offr asks waz "don't you salute RAF officers in the Royal Engineers?" waz replied " we don't HAVE RAF officers in the Royal Engineers!" and marched smartly away leaving one gobsmacked bluejob orifice behind
 
#17
Malariadup said:
Ali_Gee said:
Another one which is probably an urban myth as it happened to my mate's dad's cousin, RSM inspects the JNCO cadre finds that one man's No2 dress is not up to his standard. The Razz man places the end of his stick on the young sapper's chest and says "there's a piece of sh*t on the end of my stick!" to which the young toffee wrapper looks down calmly, looks at the RSM and says "Nothing my end sir" this was swiftly followed by a red faced RSM screaming "GO TO JAIL!"
Heard that one as a JL in 88. be nice think there's some truth behind it. :D
Heard that one as an "old story" RMAS 1983...
 
#18
As my company was being marched onto the square to do a bit of drill, our CSM noted that one of the blokes had outgrown his trousers (we were in Barrack dress). He came out with the classic - 'W******, I dont know whether you're wearing long shorts or short longs but I suggest you put some jam on your boots and invite yer troosers doown to tea!'. Had the whole company in stitches for the whole drill session.
 
#19
Plt sect 59 Sqn years ago - on a lonely hill, left to our own devices to dig in a Bde Mexe Shelter, our particular Frank says (as we had been completely left out of the rations chain, therefore we were 'kin hungry):

"If we had some bacon, we could have bacon and eggs" (thinks for a minute)"...if we had some eggs..."
 

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