Classic sayings

Discussion in 'Sappers' started by Ali_Gee, Jan 5, 2006.

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  1. in EOD in the early 90's we used to have a guy, we'll call him Frank, who used to come out with some classic statements and one liners which to him made complete sense. for example, he'd ask "what's in that ham sandwich Nobby" Nobby says "chicken Frank" Frank says " I'm not having one of them then"
    another, while driving a minibus in rush hour on the M25 all the lads dozing in the back Frank mumbles to himself " Wish I had a orange flashing light" one of the lads, and to be fair, he didn't know frank that well, asked "why's that frank?" " so I could paint it green and pretend I'm a doctor" this woke the rest of the guys up as they were trying to fathom the logic of it all.

    Another one which is probably an urban myth as it happened to my mate's dad's cousin, RSM inspects the JNCO cadre finds that one man's No2 dress is not up to his standard. The Razz man places the end of his stick on the young sapper's chest and says "there's a piece of sh*t on the end of my stick!" to which the young toffee wrapper looks down calmly, looks at the RSM and says "Nothing my end sir" this was swiftly followed by a red faced RSM screaming "GO TO JAIL!"

    someone out there must have some more, urban myth or not
  2. Heard that one as a JL in 88. be nice think there's some truth behind it. :D
  3. One quote that has stuck in my mind from basic training:

    Whilst being marched about bassingbourn from full screw: ''Dress over to the left, you're crowding my aura''
  4. Visit by a Senior Officer many years ago:

    "And you are?"

    "Cpl Feckwit Sir"

    "How long have you been in the army Feckwit?"

    "5 years Sir!"

    "And are you happy in the army?"

    "Oh yes Sir"

    "And what were you before you joined the army?"

    "Even Fecking happier Sir!"
  5. "If you cant fly with eagles in the day. Then stop tooting with the owls you fcuking crow."

    Oh and

    "Fill out an AGAI form for yourself and leave me space to sign it"
  6. "What would you rather be? A tiger or a Worm?"

    "Well who ever heard of a wormskin rug?"

    Arnold J Rimmer
    Red Dwarf
  7. And not forgetting the old classic:-

    "What will you do when you leave the Army?"

    "Cartwheels Sir!"
  8. Plant troop attending Padre's Hour in the attic bar (closed of course) in 44 Sqn in early 80's. Everyone bitching about everything as usual - Padre (browbeaten, looking round for some positive waves) notices Staaken quietly grinning - "You seen happy though - why is that?"
    "I'm feckin posted Padre, that's why....."
    Funny at the time, felt a bit bad for padre later though. Well, not much really.
  9. In basic training, about to go out on exercise. Full Screw is making everyone jump up and down to make sure there’s nothing rattling around loose in our webbing. One of the guys webbing makes a clanking sound.

    Full Screw – “You sound like a f*cking skeleton w*nking in a biscuit tin!”
  10. old rq in antrim had a favourite should you need a haircut it went along the lines of "haircut son & make like robinson crusoe"....... "sorry sir"......"get it done by friday" or another was to be sent for a box of "naomi campbells" (black bags) not very pc nowadays but nevertheless still amusing.
  12. Being inspected by RSM, beady eyes boring into every inch of my being looking for an excuse to go into apoplectic rage. Finally,he finds something he can find fault with. He leans towards my shell-like and hisses "You've got twisted laces!" I blink non-plussed, lost for words that won't incur the wrath. He steps back and screams "That means you've got a twisted f uckin mind!!" 8O
  13. Ok Disruptor, here's some more from Frank. In the EOD Bar, then at Lodge hill camp, Frank is pissed and has had enough but still has half a pint left, the turns to big V***S and says "chuck that out of the window mate, I've had enough" Biggun says "give it to the barman, he'll pour it down the sink" to which Frank replied "No way! that'd be a waste!!"

    Another time, doing clearance on Failaka Island off Kuwait we were waiting for a long overdue clapped out ferry to bring us back to the mainland, Frank mumbles to himself, "if this ferry doesn't come soon I'll get in that canoe over there and swim home"
  14. Walking on the grass between the blocks at Ripon, my section banana got spotted by the RazMan.

    “Stand still” screams the Razman “it takes weeks for grass to grow an inch and boots kill it in a minute”

    “for every step you take to get of my grass I will award you 2 extra’s so make like a grass hopper and get the Fak off it”

    My full Screw immediately got down and crawled back to the opposite path then stood up.

    The Razman screams “what the Fak do you call that ?”

    My full Screw says “ A grass snake Sir, I ate the grass hopper” :roll: