Classic Porn as filmed in BAOR MQs

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Wonk_Mog, Mar 21, 2009.

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  1. Now I enjoy classic smut as much as the next bloke here does.

    But I've recently been watching some old CC loops from the late '70s / early '80s. Some are truly excellent, but many others could have been done so much better, and I can only conclude that some of the directors and cameraman responsible for their creation must have been rank amateurs. So here are a few things that I think sometimes mar what would otherwise be great vintage loops:

    1) Choppy editing: Just for example, one second a couple are having their first kiss, then CUT and suddenly they're both stripped off with the girl riding the man's dick.

    2) Interminable close-up shots (found a lot in the SE loops from the States, to a lesser degree in CC loops). Now you have these gorgeous, sexy, natural girls with Farrah Fawcett hairdos and hairy pussies, and more to the point they're usually clad in the sexiest suspender belts and sheer nylon stockings. So what do you get - in a sizeable minority of loops at least (though fortunately not all)? Zoom-up-close footage of a dick pumping a pussy filling the entire screen and lasting for up to 30 seconds - then a quick 2 second shot showing the woman in all her sexy glory - then straight back to another 30 seconds of up-close genital zooming which, quite frankly, could be of practically anyone. Surely it should be the other way round?

    3) Clutter. It really pisses me off when a couple are filmed having sex with a coffee table in between them and the camera, with bottles, cups, glasses, potted plants and half-eaten plates of food (yuk!) obscuring part or even all the action.

    4) Long, lingering close-ups of the male performers' faces. Does your average smut connoisseur really want to study the facial grimaces of some Burt Reynolds lookalike, a Richard O'Sullivan clone with huge sideburns or some ugly German bloke with a ferret moustache and a mullet haircut? Let's face facts and leave aside any politically correct pretensions here: Porn is first and foremost about the women involved - they are the real stars. It's a celebration of female pulchritude. The men are merely "essential movie props".

    Garish wallpaper, upholstery in various shades of brown and orange with large circular patterns on it, lava lamps, awful Seventies fashions and posters of Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin on walls in the background are, however, pluses in my book, adding as they do to the essential period charm.

    Anyone else got any other similar thoughts or gripes?
    __________________ :lol:
     
  2. There was a bloke in the 17/21 Lancers got caught making films in 1969 and was court martialed
     
  3. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    WO2 Gym queen at MillHill circa 1992 was found posing in 1 for the ladies in Fiesta mag pic was taken in the gym got a £600 fine for bringing the army into disrepute
     
  4. An ex-A&SH bloke I knew told me some interesting tales of what they found while evacuating MQs in Cyprus during the Turkish invasion. Vaulting horses with 'interesting' leather embellishments and roll after roll of 8mm scut flicks.

    Personally, I always had a fondness for those old 'gonzo' porn movies where the bloke would just walk up to birds on the streets of 1970s New York and talk them into going up a side street to flash their knockers and more. Either the girls were genuinely complete strangers or they were better actresses then you'd normally expect to find in porn.
     
  5. The sewdish ones where there as a meeting in a public park, the next thing they were in some flat givining it their all for the camera.
     
  6. 80's to mid 90's smut anyday. Can't be doing with this Europorn with gorgeous women, they're two a penny and physically perfect in every way..... boring.
     
  7. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    Gotta be readers wives/amateur any day
     
  8. Absofcukinglutely. Give me a bird with a spotty arrse and a hairy clunge and I'm as happy as larry.
     
  9. you dont per chance still have this fine collection of smut

    purely just to see what your MQ looked like
     
  10. What about the Danish ones where the badly dubbed dialog went:

    "I've come to clean de pool"

    "But we don't have a pool"

    "Ok then, let's fcuk"

    :D
     
  11. There are some classic porn professions aren't there: Pool cleaner, fitness instructor, tennis teacher, pizza delivery boy. I've seen a German one where the middle aged actor was wearing a standard gery/brown exhibitionists' coat and pretended to be a social services inspector, but that was a one off.
    What other job would a healthy young man want to have in Pornland? (other than tankdriver in the 17/21st?)
     
  12. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    White goods repair man
     
  13. Aunt Peg - yum yum.
     
  14. The Exhibitions in the rubber plantations in Singapore. a corragated iron shed half a dozen malays and chinks writhing around on a dirty old mattress
     
  15. Anyone remember the dutch guy who did the "excuse me miss" films?

    Walks up to innocent buuurd in the park, market,shopping centre, beach etc etc, hello, would you like to earn XXXX Dollars I just want to film you, sort of thing, then ends up bustin the ass off it?


    Cant remember the titles for love nor money, but it kept me going for a time :)