Classic Course One Liners

Here's me sat in a classroom on a course bored out of my head actively willing the classroom clock to somehow go faster when my attention was drawn back to the topic at hand.

We were supposed to be learning about the Targeting Process but the conversation had veered onto how good and bad other armies conduct this type of planning.

After about a 30 secs the discussion started to get louder as several other soldiers namely Dutch, Danish, German and American tried to state that their collective systems were better than ours.

This was enough to prompt a good friend of mine sat at the back of the classroom to stand up and state to the whole class and the DS very loudly that he would in no way allow a, "Bunch of Sausage Eating Surrender Monkeys" tell him how to win wars.

Most of the Brit audience managed to calm down after about 5 minutes of pissing themselves, one even manage to put his back out after laughing so hard.

Anybody else recall any Classic Course One Liners?
Chatting to a load of Yanks in the 80's and one of em was a Vietnam vet and going on about his Purple Hearts etc etc and he said to a mate of mine in 1 Para ''so what do you guys get for being shot''? My mate replies ''sent back to basic training''! We were all in bits for ages, Yank didn't see funny side though!!
Whilst attending a namby-pamby half day course about Islam and dealing with muslims in general, we had just covered the conventions concerning the handling of the body of a dead muslim. The guy giving the lecture asks .."so imagine you're in Iraq, and you have a muslim in front of you who has just died, what things could you think about doing?"

The reply "make safe, then send a contact report"
Lecture on the estimate at UOTC MTQ2, instructor turns round and asks one of the Dorises:
"What means do we have available to prevent the enemy from seeing our assauting force Miss F@@arty?"

"I suppose I could smoke them off sir!"
Was on parade one day with the Duty Sgt rattling off a list of the days 'jobs to be done'. Went something like:

blah blah

Cleaning out ashtrays - LCpl Smith

Washing down the landrover - LCpl Brown

Moving the boxes from MT, err, who can drive a forklift truck?

Small voice from the back of the parade:

"My Dad"

Nearly wet myself......