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Clangers dropped by foreigners

Ladies & Gents

I've had a couple of humorous 'clangers' dropped by our colonial or non-native English speaking friends, and wondered if anyone else had the same.

Nigh-on 20 years ago, I was at dinner at a US exchange officer's house. As you do, vino & beer started flowing, and within no time at all our colonial cousins were feeling the effects of much Caffrey's, IPA etc. There must've been 12 or 14 people sat around the table, wives & girlfriends included, conversation is flowing when Grizz (we called him that, short for "Grizzly", as his surname was Behr), in his deep Texas drawl, says "Hey Chas, I heard an English phrase to day, that you might be able to explain for me?". "Of course", says I, "what is it Grizz?".
"Weeeell", drones Grizz, "I was in the Mess the other day and a few of the lads were discussing Catherine" (the rather attractive newly posted in Dentist). "One of them happened to mention that she had a minge like a wounded badger. What exactly is a minge?". 13 sets of eyes looking in my direction, and the table falls silent, red faces all round, as Chas explains in his best attempt at diplomacy, that a lady's minge is a rather intimate part of her anatomy that Americans would probably call "beaver". I didn't get invited back.

An oppo of mine was on a NATO Course (Oberammergau I think but I'm not sure), taught by DS of multiple nationalities. Last lecture of the day is delivered by two French AF girlies, one of whom was somewhat attractive and the other looked like Geoff Capes in a skirt (oppo's words, not mine). Anyways, as part of the intro, the fitter of the two mademoiselles stands up and says words to the effect of "Gentlemen, we know you have had a long day and it is nearly over. But, for the next hour, we would like you to f**k us!!"
According to my oppo, he looked around, somewhat amazed, and the classroom had gone from a number of disinterested blokes looking out the window to Meerkat Manor in a matter of seconds. Right up until they realised, with suitable explanation from the Geoff Capes lookalikey, that madamoiselle meant that they were to sharpen up, concentrate. You know, FOCUS.

Any other linguistic-related clangers that you'd care to share with the masses?
 
Geordie WO2, 3PWRR. Top bloke, instructing a sniper cadre for stabs.

Said "Burd over theya looks like Fear Rear"."

Who?" says I.

"Fear rear".

"Nope, not a clue..."

"Fookin' Fear Rear, yenaaa, burd on t'tower wi King Kong"

"Do you mean Fay Ray"?

"Thas what ah fookin' said..."
 
Or Mrs de Gaulle who, when asked what she missed most following her husband’s death, replied ‘a penis’.

Perfectly understandable in a French accent...
 
Geordie WO2, 3PWRR. Top bloke, instructing a sniper cadre for stabs.

Said "Burd over theya looks like Fear Rear"."

Who?" says I.

"Fear rear".

"Nope, not a clue..."

"Fookin' Fear Rear, yenaaa, burd on t'tower wi King Kong"

"Do you mean Fay Ray"?

"Thas what ah fookin' said..."

Bored, hanging about the back of a pig on an Orange parade I asked a little lad "Have you any big sisters?"

He replied in his Belfast accent "Yes, Carling, she's over there!" pointing at her.

I said "Carling? Like Carling Black Label, the lager?"

And he said "No, Carling, CARLING, CARLING!"

"You mean Karen, don't you?"

So I shouted over to his sister "Carling, come here!"

And she shouts "**** off crap hat!"

True story.
 
Last time I went to Japan with my Japanese mother, she'd confuse the locals when they asked her a question by answering them back in a mix of Geordie Japanese.

I'd have to say, "Mum, you've just spoke in English!" and she'd be like "Eeeee, did ah?"
 
In the 1990s l worked for a company which had a French director - a new secretary had started working for him and at the first monthly meeting after her appointment he was asked how she was getting on.....his response of ”she gives me great satisfaction” was met with snorts and giggles.
 
Ladies & Gents

I've had a couple of humorous 'clangers' dropped by our colonial or non-native English speaking friends, and wondered if anyone else had the same.

Nigh-on 20 years ago, I was at dinner at a US exchange officer's house. As you do, vino & beer started flowing, and within no time at all our colonial cousins were feeling the effects of much Caffrey's, IPA etc. There must've been 12 or 14 people sat around the table, wives & girlfriends included, conversation is flowing when Grizz (we called him that, short for "Grizzly", as his surname was Behr), in his deep Texas drawl, says "Hey Chas, I heard an English phrase to day, that you might be able to explain for me?". "Of course", says I, "what is it Grizz?".
"Weeeell", drones Grizz, "I was in the Mess the other day and a few of the lads were discussing Catherine" (the rather attractive newly posted in Dentist). "One of them happened to mention that she had a minge like a wounded badger. What exactly is a minge?". 13 sets of eyes looking in my direction, and the table falls silent, red faces all round, as Chas explains in his best attempt at diplomacy, that a lady's minge is a rather intimate part of her anatomy that Americans would probably call "beaver". I didn't get invited back.



Any other linguistic-related clangers that you'd care to share with the masses?


Well that is one mystery that has been solved on my end.
 
Wine tasting for the Sgt Mess in Brunnsum, The girl doing the presentation is asked why she is carrying a bucket.

"I don't swallow I spit"

It lightened up the evening a bit.
 
Daughter Navy Nurse is out in Bastion with the yank medics. One of them loves the brits and is doing brit words of the day around the hospital, toodle pip, whato etc.

I suggested on FB he should try the old English greeting, "How's it going slapper".

Daughter hit me when she got back.
 
Once upon a time the company I worked for in the early nineties was taken over by an American firm. All was well until the American management who had come over to the the UK to oversee the transition wanted some advice about what to do when they were looking to buy houses.

They were looking to buy some nice, "quaint" properties in the local countryside so they could bring their families over.

The wanted to know what to tell the estate agents, so they would be given a list of suitable properties to view.

They all nodded and said they would get right on it when we told them to tell the estate agents they were interested in local cottaging opportunities and could they provide a list of suitable places of interest so they could start investigating them over the weekend!

The conversation on Monday morning was direct and one way!
 
Once upon a time the company I worked for in the early nineties was taken over by an American firm. All was well until the American management who had come over to the the UK to oversee the transition wanted some advice about what to do when they were looking to buy houses.

They were looking to buy some nice, "quaint" properties in the local countryside so they could bring their families over.

The wanted to know what to tell the estate agents, so they would be given a list of suitable properties to view.

They all nodded and said they would get right on it when we told them to tell the estate agents they were interested in local cottaging opportunities and could they provide a list of suitable places of interest so they could start investigating them over the weekend!

The conversation on Monday morning was direct and one way!

In the same vein...

Background: In light of questions about his decision to spend a fair chunk of the RAF's budget on RAF Cranwell, the Staff College at Andover, RAF Halton and plans for the reserve, MRAF Lord Trenchard said:

“I have laid the foundation for a castle: if nobody builds anything bigger than a cottage on them, it will at least be a very good cottage.”

Fast forward about 85 years, and I find myself informed by an international student (at the successor institution to RAF Andover), anxious to discuss his essay plan:

"Lord Trenchard, influenced by Horny Chancellor Churchill, sought to win support for the new air force from the Army's Generals by offering them many of the chances for cottaging" [sic]

Horny Chancellor Churchill was, I assumed an amalgamation of Sir Robert Horne, the occupant of 11 Downing St at the time and, obviously, Winston - but d'you know: I never dared ask....
 
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