Clairvoyant readings

That would explain why theiving gypsy barstewards claim they dont need contraception.....................with the chrystal balls they reckon they'll see it coming............. :lol:

I'll get my coat :roll:
 
RTFQ said:
Jaysus, you're all pisskicks. How many fingers am I holding up? Where did I bury my favourite Shoe? Is Grandad alright?
I am saddeded by your cynicism, RTFQ. So the Spirits have asked me to offer you a second, FREE, reading to reassure you of my genuine powers and personal concern for your spiritual wellbeing......

I am clairvoyant, not a cheap stage magician doing "mind reading" tricks, so I cannot answer your first question. But I can predict that, during the next 12 hours you will raise all 4 fingers and the thumb of at least one of your hands. Possibly to grasp an object or opportunity that comes within your reach, or perhaps to open a door after one closes behind you.

I sense that your favourite shoe is buried somewhere deep in your memories, where it festers like a deep abcess. Only by letting go of your fixation with it can you be truly free to chase, barefoot, the euphoric pleasures that life now offers you.

As to your last question, I am deeply saddened to have to reveal that Grandad is far from alright. It is probably the worst novelty single ever released and untill you can accept that into your heart, you will suffer continued failure and disappointment.


To take full advantage of the luck and prosperity I have forseen for you, please be sure to always carry with you the lucky copy of "There's No-one Quite Like Grandma" which I have sent you. I have charged this record with "good vibes" especially for you, and have also charged it to your Visa card at the special price of just £75 (+ p&p).
 

RTFQ

RIP
RIP
I am saddeded by your cynicism, RTFQ. So the Spirits have asked me to offer you a second, FREE, reading to reassure you of my genuine powers and personal concern for your spiritual wellbeing......
Wow! You truly are a woman of mysterious powers, I bow before your greatness. What are tomorrows lottery numbers and will I be able to knock off early before the new 18 year old civ clerk (whom I 'compromised' after the pub last night) comes for a 'chat'?

Please you rub your crystal orbs and tell me mistress...
 
I see the digits 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9 and 0 but the order and combinations are still confused. However, if you concentrate on them hard enough you will become master of your own destiny.

As for leaving early, it is entirely possible for you to go, and you should follow your own instincts here,but before you do you must be certain that you will not regret your actions as you may now be regretting last night




I regret that my Orbs are now rubbed dry so cannot offer further advice at the moment

Split the winnings? I'll put the numbers back then :D & good plan on the 18yo - you must've read my mind ;)
 

RTFQ

RIP
RIP
Thankyou mistress, I'll split the winnings if I get anything. (I'll also go twoes up on the 18 yr old if you want....)
 

RTFQ

RIP
RIP
Wo! what happened to your original post? Am I imagining things?

I regret that my Orbs are now rubbed dry so cannot offer further advice at the moment
It definitely had more than that on it. Did I drink a dodgy stella or something last night?
 
RTFQ said:
Wo! what happened to your original post? Am I imagining things?

I regret that my Orbs are now rubbed dry so cannot offer further advice at the moment
It definitely had more than that on it. Did I drink a dodgy stella or something last night?
No, was editing cos I failed to predict your geneous offer - too much orb stroking, I fear :D


Or was it the work of a malignant Spirit?????

your "No one Quite Like Grandma" WILL protect you!
 
I'd not recommend this sort of thing. Not that I (necessarily) believe there is a devil to be called up but it is possible for some to think that manipulation is satanic. Yeah - it's doubtless their fault for being a but stupid is what doubtless will be said but I know of two guys who were services no longer required when they had psychiatric problems following a pisss take at a pseudo-seance and Ooja board session.
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
Little Jack H said:
RTFQ said:
Are there any clairvoyants on Arrse?
I see you taking time out today to read words written from afar.......

Some person, or people, will answer a question you ask, and their answer will confirm your innermost beliefs.

But beware of others who may try to change the subject with humour or insults.....



There you go, RTFQ, good enough for you? that'll be 25 quid, please :D
Perhaps Lonely Jack if you'd taken time to see one yourself, you'd have known that your missus was gonna run with the kid.

"........you will be lonley for some time. Someone you are married too is having it off with your mate, the one with the nice car......You will spend lots of time wondering if it really was down to the size of your cock and your p*ss poor performance in the sack........after much searching and turmoil you will find the answers. I will save you the time. Yes to both..........cross my palm with silver......"

Fcuk off lonely.
 

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