Clairvoyant readings

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Little Jack H, Jan 6, 2005.

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  1. Extracts of Grand Clairvoyant Reading on Your Luck
    Prepared for Mrs H
    By Marie Callas

    This report was produced, for a "contribution" of £25.00 in response to a mail order offer which included a "Special Confirmation Voucher for 6 Months of Happiness, Luck and Money"...............

    Sounds promising, so on to the forcasts.....

    *note: numbers removed by me to prevent you lot benefitting from this valuable information. Unfortunately,seven numbers are provided for each date, in the range 1 to 99, and all the dates are Mondays. Not our lottery, then.......

    Good start - not because you're a sad sap who just bought this report and will actually believe it'll help for the next few days then?

    Yes, check the dates..... it's Christmas, FFS!

    Not sure which is sadder - my ex actually paying for this, or me marrying someone so gullible in the first place?
  2. Sadder than a puppy sitting next to a pile of poo!

    My Doris goes in for all this bollox too, they never say anything and last year they discovered a new planet which all the astrologers pretended to know about and how it influenced us. The sooner the all p*ss off and die the happier we'll all be.

    I do read my horoscope in the paper though...just for fun you understand :oops:
  3. thats horoscopes though -not clairvoyancy.

    I went to a clairvoyant as sceptical as anything but she didnt ask me any questions. She described my partner, knew he was in the army, knew both our current phiscal ailments. Knew my grandmothers name and that my sis was a nurse and pregnant.

    Theres gotta be something in it, no? 8O
  4. My ex wife is bang into all this bollocks, too and came home once with a tape from a 'clairvoyant' to prove to me that it wasn't rubbish.

    I let her play the tape first, whilst she told me the things that 'fitted' perfectly that only someone dead could know about her.

    She got the hump when I laughed, but then I played the tape back to her and made the c*nt's vague ramblings fit things that had happened in my life.

    She was mortified, but still was not (and isn't to this day) prepared to believe she was being had over for forty f*cking notes a session... :roll:
  5. Nope all a load of absolute tosh. Why are women so convinced by this tripe - you are supposed to be the brains of the outfit :evil:
  6. Actually, you may have a point...just been thinkin back and remember her saying "you think you're partner doesn't listen to you, but he listens to every word you say" - Now that is deffo bollox :lol:
  7. I will believe it when Doris Stokes contacts me with next weeks lottery winning numbers
  8. My Mum went to one a few years ago, we listened to the tape and i have to say some of the stuff she said was actually scary.

    she had never met the woman before and at first i was laughing at it as she sait stupid things like, you used to live by the shit we live in southampton!!!!,

    but then she went on to say that my great nan who had only died about 3 years before at the ripe old age on 98 was there, and she was telling my mum to "tell Rosie every thing will be alright and that HE will get through it in the end,"

    now that was strange as she did always call my Brother Andy Rosie as when he was younger he had, you guessed it Rosies red cheaks!! the fact she said HE sealed it for us.

    she also said (the Clairvoyant not my Little nan) that your youngest son of three (me) will meet someone with the initials JC, my now wife was Jill Cole before we married, thats spooky as at the time i had just started seeing her!! now been together a while.

    there was some other more personnal stuff that got to her but i wont go in to details lets just say there is no way she would have known it!!!

    i have to say lot of it is/ or seems to be complete tosh, but some of it, just throw's you!
  9. RTFQ


    Are there any clairvoyants on Arrse? Come on, what am I thinking right now?
  10. It's all hokam pokem, why would the dead want to contact us? They can't be that bloody clever - they're dead! Some drugged up Doris gazing into her crystal ball and predicting the future - give me a break. Why do you never hear of them winning the lottery if they are that clever. :evil: :x

    i'm right aren't i ?
  12. Moody is, cross her snatch with Sliver and she'll reveal all :D

    MDN thought he was until he realised his balls were pink & hairy (or fountain pen blue :wink: ) not crystal.
  13. I see you taking time out today to read words written from afar.......

    Some person, or people, will answer a question you ask, and their answer will confirm your innermost beliefs.

    But beware of others who may try to change the subject with humour or insults.....

    There you go, RTFQ, good enough for you? that'll be 25 quid, please :D
  14. I will too.

    RTFQ - You will soon be meeting a woman...or a man and I am getting the initial D, it is Debbie, Doris...or could be Dave

    You may be coming in to money this year...or you couldbe loosing some.

    I also see travel...perhaps a trip around the world...or down to the shops

    Oh no, my crystal ball is filling up with bull sh it and the messages are no longer clear.

    That'll be £100 please retard :lol:
  15. bugger beat me to it