Claim against the MOD? ~ My Big Toe

Discussion in 'Finance, Property, Law' started by TheBigUn, Oct 22, 2008.

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  1. Maybe JudgeDredd or one of our other Arrse legal eagles could provide me with some “free” no obligation, legal advice? I’m considering making a claim against the MOD for damage to my big toe but in order for you to try and understand my current situation I will try and provide as much background information as possible.

    It all started many years ago when I joined Junior Leaders. Being of a taller than average stature (Mum always said I was special) I found that a bog standard wrought iron army issue bed would be insufficient for my needs. I was told by my Troop Sgt to report to the QM’s were a John Inman-esque clothing storeman proceeded to spend 10 minutes measuring my inside leg, (?) he then sent me away wheeling a barrow containing a 7’6” iron monster of a bed. Now this is where I believe my troubles began, on returning to the block I had to undergo the merciless ribbing of my six room mates who accused me of wanting to join the navy because I had an aircraft carrier in the barrack room.
    Claim No1. Psychological bullying?

    My new bed was incredibly comfortable but it hid a terrible guilty secret. It had 6 legs, two extra ones in the middle. For almost every day of my training thereafter I constantly stubbed my right toe on the middle leg. I could often be heard yelping like a big jessie and shouting “b@stard” at the top of my voice while hopping around. My poor toe suffered innumerably during this period and I spent most nights laid in my bed with it hard, red and throbbing. Surely my bed should have had some kind of warning sticker attached to it? Possibly along the lines of: “WARNING! HIDDEN DANGER TO BIG TOE!”
    Claim No 2. Contravention of the Health and Safety at work act 1974?

    As I marched from the square on my passing out parade, complete with often stubbed toe in my size 13 ammo boot. I thought I had seen the last of that iron monster. How wrong I was. After a well deserved leave and spending my nights at home in a normal 4 legged bed I joined my Regiment in Germany and found that my extra long bed had followed me, courtesy of John Inman in the QM’s. I was told to report to the SQMS and was greeted with “get that f*cking bed out of my store you long streak of p1ss” I carried my bed to my new accommodation where the other three members of my room then vented their displeasure at the extra room space my bed was taking up.
    Claim No 3. More psychological bullying?

    After a further three years of toe stubbing I started to notice my right big toe was becoming slightly misshapen. (Although on occasions my left big toe did cop it but this was usually when I was disorientated after a night on cheap German beer) I often lay in my bed with it red and throbbing wondering when the pain in my toe would cease. I eventually went to the MO and he gave me a script for some Brufen which worked great for hangovers but didn’t do anything for my poor old toe.
    Claim No 4. Medical negligence?

    On returning to England, my 7’ 6” iron monster had failed to follow me this time, I had a bog standard issue bed, but growing dissatisfied with its performance I was faced with one final drastic course of action to prevent me having to sleep uncomfortably with my feet hanging a foot out of the end of my bed. (or should it be 2 feet?) I was forced to get married. The numbing assault on my toe was measurably reduced with married life and I didn’t have to lie in bed with it throbbing for many times after that. We moved once again to Germany.
    Claim No 5. Failure to provide adequate accommodation furniture?

    The merciless toll of operations and exercises made my wife realise that married life in Germany wasn’t for her and she returned to England and I moved into the WO’s and Sergeants Mess, luckily I was once again issued with an extended bed which was the Mk 2 version, it only had 4 legs but was extra strong to enable it to cope with my substantially increased girth in the 10 years since leaving my last extra long bed behind.

    The onslaught on my slightly disfigured big toe was still to continue however, but via other more favourable means. The vast quantities of port I was “forced” to consume in the mess contributed to me (in my opinion) getting gout, this debilitating illness provoked an occasional inflammatory reaction in my toe which again found me often laid on my bed with it sore and throbbing.
    Claim No 6. Forced alcohol consumption leading to medical injury.

    This in turn lead to my inflamed and bunion-ised right toe becoming larger than my left, to the degree that I must wear a size 14 on my right foot and a size 13 on my left if I want to be comfortable. Surely I must be entitled to some recompense for this? Trying to sell odd sized unused pairs of size13 and 14 shoes is hardly going to get me a decent offer on Dragons Den now is it?
    Claim No 7. Refund for having to buy 2 pairs of different sized footwear at the same time?

    Anyway to cut a long story short, what do you think? Do I have any basis for a claim against the MOD? What are my rights?

    Can you possibly represent me on a no win no fee basis?

    Finally and most importantly how much will I get? £££££££££

    Yours expectantly

    TheBigUn :wink:
  2. Clearly a case for BGR Bloomer.
  3. Now, there is no need to worry.... LMAO!

    P.S. Can I get compo for arse deprivation after being forced to LMAO?
  5. :wink:
  6. Contact the Veterans Agency on 0800 1692277, they can advise.
  7. Did you report any of the injuries at the time?
    It appears that you have failed in your duty of care to others who also may be lanky freaks of nature and may also be receiving injuries due to the extra legs on 'bed, stupidly long, freak for the use of'

    I expect that anyone else of a lurch like stature to sue you for failing to prevent them becoming injured.
  8. Damn your eyes man!

    I shall be adding a claim for lower lip wobble after that inflammatory tirade.....
  9. Lower lip wobble is acceptable (barely) however if your top lip were to lose any of its stiffness then I would be required to remind you when signing out the webley* you should nominate someone else to sign it back in on your behalf. Thank you.

    Ammunition is to be paid for in advance please.
  10. elovabloke

    elovabloke LE Moderator

    Great spot :? This man needs clear advice and you turn it into some dubious thread.
  11. I'll do no such thing you blackguard, put it on my Mess Bill now there's a good chap.
  12. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Probably a bit to much info!