Civvy novelist needs know-how

#1
Greetings literary people,

I came across your site while searching for information on military structure for a novel I am writing. It is not a military novel, it is a political thriller based on predictive behaviour - think a more literary current-day take on Minority Report without the science-fiction elements, or Tom Cruise.

Two of the (lesser) characters in the novel are working as direct agents of the Prime Minister (whose father is ex-military and has employed loyal acquaintances from his army days). So while the military per-se is not directly relevant to the novel, that’s three of the characters who come from a military background. It would be incredibly helpful to find somebody with military knowledge who is happy to be consulted about the background, language, relationship protocol etc for these characters.

Like I say, it is a small aspect of the book but I’d like to get it right. Especially after reading ‘The worst book I’ve ever read’ thread on this site!

Would anyone be interested?

It’s my first novel and I am halfway through, with a couple of sniffs of interest from agents based on opening chapters but no firm takers yet. It’s still early days.
Following PB's advice:
Welcome to Arrse. If you've got specific questions, try starting a thread all of your own. Be prepared, however, for many of the responses to be more humourous than truthful.

Good luck on your book.

PB
here is a new thread.
 
#2
You could make one of the character a Scottish Defence Secretary who shafts his Army regularly, oh wait, thats already happening, sorry!
 
#3
You could make one of the characters a Chief Petty Officer in the Royal Navy. He had a civil partnership ceremony on a Warship in Devonport with Roger the cabin boy. They used to go on gay pride marches in London in uniform. They used to go dogging with MoD civilians from Abbeywood in Bristol. One night they were rumbled by some firefighters who were majorly annoyed at this illegal business. To get their own back one of doggers had been a confidante of a junior Home Office minister. He threatened to put a video of this minister on You Tube unless action was taken against the firefighters.........

The other character is a retired Lt Col from the Sherwood Forresters who now heads up a lobbying firm that tries to ensure the defence vote is increased and better equipment is procured to enable HM Forces to operate to the very best of their capability. He is bankrolled by some big players in the arms industry and some ageing Tories. There is a big referendum on increasing defence spend and armed forces pay by 25%. This money will come from reducing grants and streamlining some top heavy councils and social services. A young NuLabour researcher in Barnett realises this and gets Zebo a 15yr old illegal immigrant from Nigeria to kill the Lt Col for a Xbox 360 and a £20 KFC bargain bucket. J Division in GCHQ have an intercept on Zebo's phone as he is part of a CHIP & PIN fraud that is about to give Tesco's a £100 Million Pound Fraud. J Division pass the information to SF Ops in London who dispatch Bermondsey Dave an ex 22SAS Sgt who is now 'off the books' and does black ops. Dave follows Zebo and goes deep undercover and ends up going covert and finds Zebo dogging in Bristol.
 
#4
58_Pattern said:
You could make one of the characters a Chief Petty Officer in the Royal Navy. He had a civil partnership ceremony on a Warship in Devonport with Roger the cabin boy. They used to go on gay pride marches in London in uniform. They used to go dogging with MoD civilians from Abbeywood in Bristol. One night they were rumbled by some firefighters who were majorly annoyed at this illegal business. To get their own back one of doggers had been a confidante of a junior Home Office minister. He threatened to put a video of this minister on You Tube unless action was taken against the firefighters.........

The other character is a retired Lt Col from the Sherwood Forresters who now heads up a lobbying firm that tries to ensure the defence vote is increased and better equipment is procured to enable HM Forces to operate to the very best of their capability. He is bankrolled by some big players in the arms industry and some ageing Tories. There is a big referendum on increasing defence spend and armed forces pay by 25%. This money will come from reducing grants and streamlining some top heavy councils and social services. A young NuLabour researcher in Barnett realises this and gets Zebo a 15yr old illegal immigrant from Nigeria to kill the Lt Col for a Xbox 360 and a £20 KFC bargain bucket. J Division in GCHQ have an intercept on Zebo's phone as he is part of a CHIP & PIN fraud that is about to give Tesco's a £100 Million Pound Fraud. J Division pass the information to SF Ops in London who dispatch Bermondsey Dave an ex 22SAS Sgt who is now 'off the books' and does black ops. Dave follows Zebo and goes deep undercover and ends up going covert and finds Zebo dogging in Bristol.
but is dave ex 22 gay ?
 
#5
Bermondsey Dave had to resign from 22 as once got caught............(somebody else carry on and lets see where this goes..............)
 

Nehustan

On ROPS
On ROPs
#6
58_Pattern said:
Bermondsey Dave had to resign from 22 as once got caught............(somebody else carry on and lets see where this goes..............)
...but joined 21.5, the drag artists rifles....
 
#8
Wow, I took time out to frame a question or two and you guys have plotted out an entire novel! My questions seem simple and boring by comparison I’m afraid, but as a civvy with no connections in the forces I am woefully ignorant of the military life and structure but do need to create a military background for some of my characters. Any help would be fantastic.

Background to character one: The main 'hunter' in the book is a character called Drummond. Drummond served in the army under the Prime Minister's father, Rory, and as a result of their relationship is fiercely loyal to his 'superior'. He is proficient at surveillance, tracking etc and is able to kill civilians when necessary (and with some degree of satisfaction at a job well done, though I don't want to draw him in a psychotic way). He is currently covertly employed directly by the PM (Rory's son) as a 'fixer'(although really he sees himself as employed by Rory).

Question one: The book is set ten years in the future and, when younger, Drummond served in Afghanistan. Is this the most appropriate history or would it be more realistic to refer to a 'fictional future war' during this ten year period. If so any suggestions as to where that could be? Somewhere obscure but believable as a future hotspot would be good. Drummond is in his mid forties and would have left the forces five years ago after would have served a good 20 to 25 years.

Question two: Does anyone have any suggestion as to the possible former ranks of Rory and Drummond? In civvy life Rory is a very successful multi-millionaire business man who has groomed his son for political life. He left the army fifteen years ago and would have been quite high-ranking (though not from a family with high royal or political connections - more second generation self-made than that). He would have been Drummond's superior when Drummond was age ranging from 18 to 28 and have made enough of an impression for that loyalty to last all these years.

Over to you guys. let your imaginations run riot!
 
#9
Songkran said:
Wow, I took time out to frame a question or two and you guys have plotted out an entire novel! My questions seem simple and boring by comparison I’m afraid, but as a civvy with no connections in the forces I am woefully ignorant of the military life and structure but do need to create a military background for some of my characters. Any help would be fantastic.

Background to character one: The main 'hunter' in the book is a character called Drummond. Drummond served in the army under the Prime Minister's father, Rory, and as a result of their relationship is fiercely loyal to his 'superior'. He is proficient at surveillance, tracking etc and is able to kill civilians when necessary (and with some degree of satisfaction at a job well done, though I don't want to draw him in a psychotic way). He is currently covertly employed directly by the PM (Rory's son) as a 'fixer'(although really he sees himself as employed by Rory).

Question one: The book is set ten years in the future and, when younger, Drummond served in Afghanistan. Is this the most appropriate history or would it be more realistic to refer to a 'fictional future war' during this ten year period. If so any suggestions as to where that could be? Somewhere obscure but believable as a future hotspot would be good. Drummond is in his mid forties and would have left the forces five years ago after would have served a good 20 to 25 years.

Question two: Does anyone have any suggestion as to the possible former ranks of Rory and Drummond? In civvy life Rory is a very successful multi-millionaire business man who has groomed his son for political life. He left the army fifteen years ago and would have been quite high-ranking (though not from a family with high royal or political connections - more second generation self-made than that). He would have been Drummond's superior when Drummond was age ranging from 18 to 28 and have made enough of an impression for that loyalty to last all these years.

Over to you guys. let your imaginations run riot!
The streets of Britain would be a fair bet.
 

Mr Happy

LE
Moderator
#13
I'd say AFG is a safe bet, you don't want to finger another conflict (Iran) in case nothjing happens.

In addition he's likely to have served in several hotspots , not just one so figure iraq, afg, bos, kos into the bargain.

former rank is an interesting one, if he's a dooer (kills people etc) then the form would normally be to make his a Sgt, Colour Sgt or Warrant Officer. He would probably have served 22 years. Generally is a 22 year served Sgt is not the most promoted guy so there needs to be some excuse as to why he wasn't. A WO2 would be my suggestion.

If he';s a manager, then he's a n officer, Major would be a good rank. Fcking hundres of those leave..

Mr H
 
#16
thanks for that input Mr Happy. That's great.

Generally is a 22 year served Sgt is not the most promoted guy so there needs to be some excuse as to why he wasn't. A WO2 would be my suggestion.
What is a WO2?
 
#17
Songkran said:
Greetings literary people,

I came across your site while searching for information on military structure for a novel I am writing. It is not a military novel, it is a political thriller based on predictive behaviour - think a more literary current-day take on Minority Report without the science-fiction elements, or Tom Cruise.

Two of the (lesser) characters in the novel are working as direct agents of the Prime Minister (whose father is ex-military and has employed loyal acquaintances from his army days). So while the military per-se is not directly relevant to the novel, that’s three of the characters who come from a military background. It would be incredibly helpful to find somebody with military knowledge who is happy to be consulted about the background, language, relationship protocol etc for these characters.

Like I say, it is a small aspect of the book but I’d like to get it right. Especially after reading ‘The worst book I’ve ever read’ thread on this site!

Would anyone be interested?

It’s my first novel and I am halfway through, with a couple of sniffs of interest from agents based on opening chapters but no firm takers yet. It’s still early days.
Following PB's advice:
Welcome to Arrse. If you've got specific questions, try starting a thread all of your own. Be prepared, however, for many of the responses to be more humourous than truthful.

Good luck on your book.

PB
here is a new thread.
Fecker stole my idea. You sir ought to be ashamed of yourself.
 
#19
58_Pattern said:
You could make one of the characters a Chief Petty Officer in the Royal Navy. He had a civil partnership ceremony on a Warship in Devonport with Roger the cabin boy. They used to go on gay pride marches in London in uniform. They used to go dogging with MoD civilians from Abbeywood in Bristol. One night they were rumbled by some firefighters who were majorly annoyed at this illegal business. To get their own back one of doggers had been a confidante of a junior Home Office minister. He threatened to put a video of this minister on You Tube unless action was taken against the firefighters.........

The other character is a retired Lt Col from the Sherwood Forresters who now heads up a lobbying firm that tries to ensure the defence vote is increased and better equipment is procured to enable HM Forces to operate to the very best of their capability. He is bankrolled by some big players in the arms industry and some ageing Tories. There is a big referendum on increasing defence spend and armed forces pay by 25%. This money will come from reducing grants and streamlining some top heavy councils and social services. A young NuLabour researcher in Barnett realises this and gets Zebo a 15yr old illegal immigrant from Nigeria to kill the Lt Col for a Xbox 360 and a £20 KFC bargain bucket. J Division in GCHQ have an intercept on Zebo's phone as he is part of a CHIP & PIN fraud that is about to give Tesco's a £100 Million Pound Fraud. J Division pass the information to SF Ops in London who dispatch Bermondsey Dave an ex 22SAS Sgt who is now 'off the books' and does black ops. Dave follows Zebo and goes deep undercover and ends up going covert and finds Zebo dogging in Bristol.
Get your facts right - a KFC Bargin Bucket costs £9.99! My God, that's just the kind of sloppy writing that he is trying to avoid! 8O

(btw, who nicked my Bugs Bunny? It's copyright!!!! :D )
 
#20
Songkran said:
Wow, I took time out to frame a question or two and you guys have plotted out an entire novel! My questions seem simple and boring by comparison I’m afraid, but as a civvy with no connections in the forces I am woefully ignorant of the military life and structure but do need to create a military background for some of my characters. Any help would be fantastic.

Background to character one: The main 'hunter' in the book is a character called Drummond. Drummond served in the army under the Prime Minister's father, Rory, and as a result of their relationship is fiercely loyal to his 'superior'. He is proficient at surveillance, tracking etc and is able to kill civilians when necessary (and with some degree of satisfaction at a job well done, though I don't want to draw him in a psychotic way). He is currently covertly employed directly by the PM (Rory's son) as a 'fixer'(although really he sees himself as employed by Rory).

Question one: The book is set ten years in the future and, when younger, Drummond served in Afghanistan. Is this the most appropriate history or would it be more realistic to refer to a 'fictional future war' during this ten year period. If so any suggestions as to where that could be? Somewhere obscure but believable as a future hotspot would be good. Drummond is in his mid forties and would have left the forces five years ago after would have served a good 20 to 25 years.

Question two: Does anyone have any suggestion as to the possible former ranks of Rory and Drummond? In civvy life Rory is a very successful multi-millionaire business man who has groomed his son for political life. He left the army fifteen years ago and would have been quite high-ranking (though not from a family with high royal or political connections - more second generation self-made than that). He would have been Drummond's superior when Drummond was age ranging from 18 to 28 and have made enough of an impression for that loyalty to last all these years.

Over to you guys. let your imaginations run riot!
My bold, does he work for an American PMC called Blackwater?
 
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