Church Parade

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Apr 16, 2006.

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  1. Now look here, I am not a real pervert...not by a long shot judging by the variety of posts on this here site.

    However, this morning the Fenian bride pinned me to the mattress and after two falls and a submission we got up and headed off to mass. I had been thoroughly drained of man fat and was quite calm - unusually so but when herself is inthe driving saddle, well "so it goes".

    I was tasked to take the fenianette into Sunday School and with a gritting of teeth, audible in the Vatican, I set off holding the choclatey and sticky paw of my apple-eye daughter. Bizarrely I found myself sat next to the guy who used to play fly half for my club side but even more bizarrely I found myself surrounded by "yummy mummies". Try thinking holy thoughts in that scenario - I was oscillating from images of Brendan half naked in West Leeds RFC and dark thoughts about half a dozen very sexy women.

    It was even worse when I went back into the body of the kirk. Fenian bride had found us a space by the altar and every woman in the congregation passed me en route to the sacraments. As a result of which I was totally horned up by the time we got to missa est and homeward bound.

    The question is, how on earth does this happen and more importantly what makes a good woman flirt the bejasus out of a church-going man, accompanied by his child? It was very ego boosting but boy it makes a nonsense of the whole purpose doesn't it?

    Amusingly enough, as it was standing room only in church, the priest remarked that we needed a BIGGER CHURCH. He then added the thought that actually that was unecessary, as "you lot only ever come on Easter!"
  2. Used to claim to be a member of the bead jiggler church for church parade as it was the only one not on base. A bunch of us got driven into town whereupon we would proceed to the caff down the road where we supplemented our military diet with turdburgers and greasy chips until the Bedford came back to fetch us a few hours later.

    Only went into the church once and still wake up screaming on occasion...
  3. Shouldn't you be having visions like this when God-bothering of an Easter morning?

  4. Probably...but when faced with half a dozen attractive thirty somethings of either Italian, Polish or Irish extraction it is impossible not to get horned up. Tis the devil's work I'm sure but it sems as though the "big man" is testing me severely. He provides all of this manna from heaven but refuses me permission to eat it. Seems a bit cruel but then again no worse than some of his other excesses.
  5. Us Red Sea Pedestrians don't have that particular problem - in most Orthodox shuls the female members of the congregation are seated in a gallery behind the males (so that they can see us but we can't see them). Apparently it was worked out that way for precisely the reasons stated above. Bastards.