Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by stameen_s, Jun 22, 2005.

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  1. Dublin. This lunchtime. Blue skies and a warm day. stameen decides, after a relatively quick perusal of todays Irish Times, to head out of the office for some grub. Now, a sunny summers lunchtime in Dublin is a sight to behold. Noisy street entertainers, musicians, mime artists. The smell of decaying rubbish from the bins wafts through the Grafton St crowd. Sauntering through down the street can be seen several fine examples of Skangerus Hibernicus, a close cousin of Chavus Britannicus. Be still my beating heart! For there is hope! If you look carefully (but not too carefully, as unfortunately Id left my letching shades safely at home), fit lay-dees appear at all arcs of fire. A madman shouted. Happy days indeed.

    Or so I thought. (cue dramatic music)

    Out of nowhere popped this charidee type, looking for me to buy scratchcards for disabled kids or something. Now, as you do I calmy ignored her (though she looked ok enough) and continued towards the all-you-can-eat special awaiting me in a well-known hutted pizza chain. But something wasn't quite right anymore. After I finished, I headed back down Grafton St, and once again she made an effort in ensnaring me. Good feelings gone again. The plague of chuggers... :evil:

    What can be done to rid our streets of this pestilence?
  2. Flame thrower?
  3. mysteron

    mysteron LE Book Reviewer

    Potato Famine?
  4. Try being in London then!

    I got snared by 'Friends of the Earth' last week, tw@ts.

    Usually, the face like thunder and 'I'm late for a meeting' works, but back in my home town, there used to be a mong in a wheelchair who couldnt move from the neck down and dribbled for England.

    Usually I would look the other way and walk past trying to stop my change from rattling, but they cottoned on to the blantant avoidance of this chap by Joe Public - and so he promptly got wheeled and placed smack bang in the middle of a small alleyway leading to other shops.

    You practically had to leapfrog over the fecker to get past him. The dirty looks you got if you didnt bung him some cash was incredible......every bleedin lunchtime I had to walk the long way round to the shop just to avoid him, thus making the 2 min walk to get my lunch take 20 mins!

  5. Try Cyprus then! You drive along and stop at the traffic lights or a junction. Within milliseconds you're surrounded by tossers with buckets collecting for mlaars or somesuch - or so they say! Where does the cash go to? Who accounts for it and does it goe to where they say it does? Bandits and bloody dangerous it is too!
  6. I tend to find a throaty 'FÜCK OFF' works wonders.
  7. I would have thought that finding a helpless, disabled man up a dark lonely alley, would be a dream come true for you moody. :wink:
  8. there's a beggar sits outside our local shopping centre selling "bigyshoo" as i speak he'll be there wrapped in a doss bag like its siberian winter, a pathetic collection of coins to his front and a scrawny mutt on a bit of string sitting apathetically next to him..... come 5 the cheeky c*nt packs up jumps in his motor and goes home, i pulled him up on it a few weeks ago and you'd think i'd tried to f*ck his dog

    "just because i drive doesn't mean i'm not homeless"

    no, but you've got the dough to feed that f*cking hund and tax, insure and put petrol in your f*cking motor mate, and perhaps if you took a bit less crack (i know he's a crackhead, through a "mutual friend") you could get off that f*cking maggot and work for a living you scrounging smelly twat

    and f*cking greenpeace .... dont get me started on those open toed sandal wearing tree hugging dolphin friendly c*nts...

    cancer research.... perhaps if they used some of the money on scientists and stuff instead of just employing old biddys to collect jumble they might find a cure :wink:

    barnardos ..... f*cking bastards the lot of em...

    save the children .....what for ? so they can mug me in 5 years time... f*ck em.

    amnesty international ... f*ck off and stop repressing me

    WWF.... if pandas are too thick to f*ck why should i give one

  9. Ah the joy of living in a semi-totalitarian state :)

    In Germany "active" begging is a crime and the cops take a very dim view of it so it very rarely happens.

    And those guys selling the German version of the Big issue are easily confused with a hearty "Sorry but I don't read German" :twisted:

    The noble art of chugging seems non-existent over here probably against the law, which is a very good idea.

    So the answer seems to be to make it illegal and give the cops some power to arrest/thrash the offenders..
  10. Get 'em to give you all the spiel, nod enthusiastically a few times.. reel them in - then say, "Nah" and walk off - best in Covent Garden, they're likes flies buzzing round a raghead's gash!
  11. I did used to be nice to the multitudes that seem to create a human barrier the width of London Wall stretching up as far as Finsbury Pavement around the corner from my flat but then thought 'B*ll*x!'

    Now when they try to stop me I ask them if they have embraced Jesus the Christ as their personal saviour and have they made amends for the times they have been lacking in their lives? Not giving them an instant to mutter anything other than a rather weak 'Wha...?' I go on to tell them for only £15 a year I could have a friend send them a monthly copy of the Watch Tower publication if they'll just give me their name and address...

    I find by this time they're backing away from me telling me they have work to do...

    Oh it's fun, fun, fun... :twisted:

    Beebs x
  12. Sometimes I put my hand in my pocket, sometimes I just breeze past with a smile and a cheery "sorry, I dont speak English!" it usually throws them.
  13. Theyre getting smart here. Before, most of them wore coloured bib things. Now, however, theyre completly in civvies so its hard to notice them before they jump at you...
  14. While letching from behind the safety of my book yesterday on the train home, I came up with a brilliant solution to this RTFQ-esque dance off!

    Picture the of these chugging mongs, big smile on their face, clipboard in hand and hair in ponytail (its a guy), comes up and starts their spiel. It's a sunny day, crowds throng the street , musicians playing (conveniently enough) 1980s cheesey-pop. You take off your letching glasses (a la Tom Cruise in Top Gun- gay, I know, but Flashdance is playing in the background), throw them (in your fury) onto the ground, where they smash, and shout out, in your best parade ground voice...

    "DANCE OFF!! Winner takes this street! "

    The crowds all around form a circle around the combatants, and the street is hushed.The music morphs into, well, whatever, and the duel begins...

    Now, I see a few pros and cons in my plans:

    Normal people would support you, fed up to the back teeth as they are of the chuggers.

    Chuggers normally deploy in groups of 12-16, which means a hell of a lot of duels before I can continue on to lunch
    Music is weather dependent, good weather= musicians, which is rare enough here.
    Street surface not up to everyones liking, usually sticky carpets in dark nightclubs are the venue.

    The question on everyones lips is, of course, will it work?
  15. Has anybody seen that Refugee looking bird in Hanover, Her Pelvis is the wrong way round, she looks like some weird F*cked up spider, dragging her self along the streets Begging, Scares the sh1t out of me. Weirdo, she needs putting in a side show!!!