Chuck Norris' Letter to Santa

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Bigfrankie, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Dear Santa,

    As usual I have not just been good, I have been extremely awesome this year. My radicalness has been rather excessive and I'm almost afraid that I am too good for my own good. But whatever, I can handle it. As you know, I am not sending you a Christmas wish list. This is a Christmas list of demands. Meet my demands, or I will meet you in an icy back alley in the North Pole and then I'll make every little kid's fear come true. Got it?

    My Christmas List of Demands:
    1. An Osama Bin Laden Punch bag.
    2. A Texas Ranger Star Badge Shining Kit. I used my star to slit a man's throat.
    3. A rocket ship so I can fly to the moon. I'm sure there's some bad guys up there.
    4. A baby. I've always wanted a boy of my own so I can name him Crawler, Texas Ranger.
    5. My own theme park like Dolly Pardon has. I'll call it Chuck Island.
    6. A musical written about my life. And it will have the greatest kick line ever.
    7. A new Christmas tie. I used my last one to strangle a man.
    8. Help my new book "Kicking Bad Guys for Dummies: An Idiot's Guide to Stopping Evil Doers with Your Foot," get to the top seller list.
    9. A new pair of boots. I shoved my last pair up a bad guy's ass.
    10. World Peace...oh wait, I'll handle that one.