Christmas is coming (Surprise!). I've been trying to put up a arrse panto but aged brain refuses to spark. Maybe someone else? What I can suggest is a Show. Situation is that all over the world, all conflict involving UK troops has come to and end. End â full stop, not a Christmas Truce. To celebrate this, a sort of Forces Command Performance. So â venue. One big central location with full SKY and BBC coverage or number of places similarly covered. Give reasons. Presenter â Obviously Saint Bob in view of his charm and microphone presence. Bono is barred. Who to assist Bob? Personality or prominent arrse-er? Justify choice. Performers - Each proposition to have no more than three. It Girls getting out of a car sans knickers is not a performer. Serious moment â a wish. Wish it had happened or wish what had not happened Buffet â f.o.c. Of course. Food choices. Dream moment â which politician offed in full view of the crowd, and why and in what manner. Star proposal â anything not covered above but which absolutely MUST be included. Proceeds â to a starving, Biafran-style, kid with 6 or more life-destroying diseases anyway or to the service wing at Selly Oak.