Christmas Jokes

A human fart can be louder than a trombone.

I discovered that at my daughter's Christmas concert.


@Hoverpot: why you giving me a "braincell" rating? I thought your original post was the joke, hence my comment to Sonar.

Anyway I'm itching for a punch-up and it's all kicking off in the pointless and inane thread if you want a fat lip. :)

Gout Man

Book Reviewer
Sorry but its got to be done.

I've got a couple of crackers.
It's the way you tell em. Bloody awful.
Here's my go.
Chap enters a pet shop.
Hello sir says the pet shop owner.
Hello to you sir says the chap, I'm looking for something different for the wife this christmas.
Excellent sir, says the pet shop owner, I've just the ticket, and off he pops out back and comes back two minutes later with a parrot(no it's not ducking dead)!
Hmm, says the chap a parrot.
Yes a very special parrot says the pet shop owner, watch this and he lights a candle and slides it under the parrots left claw.
The parrot looks at him rather angrily and lifts his claw and starts singing in a lovely voice, I'm dreaming of a white christmas, just like the ones........etc.
Bloody hell sys the chap that brilliant.
That's not all says the pet shop owner and slides the candle under the right claw.
The parrot starts off again this time, Jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way...oh what fun......etc.
Amazing says the chap but what happens if you put a candle under both claws?
Don't know, never done it and the shop keeper goes and gets another candle.
Both candles are lit and one placed under the left and the other the right claw.
The parrot looks at them very angrily and then bursts into song

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire........

Merry Christmas