Christmas is coming

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by bullet_catcher, Oct 5, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. As we head rapidly downhill towards the festive season, there seem to be two bumps on the British route - the Chancellor's Dreaded Announcement on 20 October and more Quantitative Easing. If I want to save money, should I buy my outsized tin of ham now, or wait until December?
     
  2. There will be no ham on the shelves by then.Best stock up now.My safe room is fully stocked and prepared.
     
  3. I may have to lay in stocks of THAT POEM as they don't appear to be coming out so early...
     
  4. Some like the classics for the holiday:


    [​IMG]

    Others are open to new ideas.:

    [​IMG]
     
  5. 100% White!!

    I am sure that must break at least half a dozen (or should that be in metric now?) laws/guidelines/best practices etc etc
     
  6. With Tesco announcing a 12% increase in profits this morning, we will all be paying for Christmas this year - and a huge chunk of that money will go to Tesco!!

    Quantitive Easing? I wish some of it would come my way... bloody fuel is up tuppence this morning.

    Can I be the first to wish all Arrsers a Bah Humbug? :)

    Lits
     
  7. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    The government is about to announce that as part of the universal cuts, Christmas has been cancelleed and is being replaced by a multi faith festival. However, it will be based on Dicken's 'The Christmas Carol' and while Christmas will not be part of the celebration, people will be expected to work until noon on Christmas Day (yes I know it is a Saturday - so what!) and only get away once the boss has finished his third cup of tea. Boxing Day has been cancelled as the Government will have taken all tips as a form of tax to help cut the deficit left by the previous government.

    The government are keen to point out that these measures are as a result of the mess left by the previous government and are nothing at all to do with idealogical policy.
     
  8. And they are stopping the merciful beheadings...
     
  9. what, this one?

    mwah hah ha ha!
     
  10. jim24

    jim24 Book Reviewer

    I tend to go for the original and more exotic
     

    Attached Files:

  11. My family are in for a real treat this year

    [​IMG]
     
  12. You know I promised you a hamper, dear...

    (Thinking about it a 4-man pack would do the trick as long as Wolfgang pitched up with the beers & the wagon was loaded up with korn & whiskey).
     
  13. This one, coutesy of Ravers is better and more in tone with the current economic climate:-

    TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
    HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
    IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
    PLASTER AND STONE.

    I HAD COME THROUGH THE WINDOW
    TO ROB THE **** BLIND,
    AND TO STEAL SOME JEWELLERY,
    OR VALUABLES OF ANY KIND.

    I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
    A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
    NO TELLY, NO RADIO,
    NOT EVEN A PS3.

    NO HEIRLOOMS BY MANTLE,
    JUST BOOTS THAT ******* STANK,
    ON THE WALL HUNG CHAD PHOTS
    AND A POSTER OF SOME PAGE 3 SKANK.

    WITH A JUBILEE MEDAL,
    AND A CAP BADGE OF SOME KIND,
    A SOBERING THOUGHT,
    CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

    FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
    IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
    I'D FOUND THE HOME OF LOGGIE,
    ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

    THE GROTTY **** LAY SLEEPING,
    SILENT, ALONE,
    CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
    IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

    A BOTTLE OF VODKA,
    LAY SMASHED ON THE FLOOR,
    AND I NOTICED A PICTURE,
    OF THE LAD WITH A THAI WHORE.

    WHAT A GROTTY MINGER,
    HE WAS REALLY WAS JACK,
    HE WAS CRASHED OUT ON A PONCHO,
    THE FLOOR FOR A RACK.

    I REALIZED THE HOUSES.
    THAT I'D BURGLED THAT NIGHT,
    WHERE ALL PRETTY CRAPPY,
    BUT THIS REALLY WAS SHITE.

    SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
    THE CHILDREN WOULD SING,
    AND THIS **** WOULD WAKE UP,
    TO FIND I'D ROBBED ALL HIS THINGS.
     
  14. MMM! Buffalo testicles!

    HomerSimpson.jpg