Christmas charity parcels

Now as the silly season rapidly approaches our work normally has a collection for a hostel for battered women and their rug rats nearby. Now thinking this year maybe I should be a bit naughty and thinking of putting something inaproprate in. I cant shit in a re-sealable bag and wrap it up due to DNA and i'd be the first to get blamed. So any suggestions?

So far I've thought about,

Boxing gloves.
A packet of Bonio's
A used dildo

Over to you sick fuckers
A packet of condoms and a "guide to the completion of the UB40"
A copy of the singles "I'll Be Watching you" by the Police and "This One Goes Out To The One I Love" by REM.
Used and tied off condom. If fresh enough then could self impregnate and thus claim more benefits off the state, so quite thoughtful really.

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