Christmas Cake Receipe

*Warning. To the sober, the language will not make sense!*

Vodka & Red Bull Christmas Cake

1 cup water
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup butter
1 tsp salt
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Selection of your favourite nuts
1 bottle of Vodka
1 bottle of Red Bull
2 cups of dried fruit


1. Sample the Vodka to check the quality.
2. Take a large bowl to mix in. Check the Vodka again.
3. To be sure your Vodka is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and mix with a little Red Bull and drink.
4. Repeat.
5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter til it is
in your bowl light and fluffy.
6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
7. At this point it is a good idea to test your Vodka again.
8. Flavour with some more Red Bull.
9. Try another cup – its tasty isn’t it – just in case better
make sure you turn off the mixerer device.
10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in the cup of
dried fruit.
11. Pick up the dried fruit that didn’t quite make the bowl from
the floor and pop it in the bowl.
12. Mix on the turner.
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterer, pry it loose
with a drewscriver.
14. Shample the Vodka to check for tonsisticitity. Flavour it
with a little Bed Rull.
15. Next sssiffft two cups of salt. Or sugar. Or whatever you
can find...Who giveshz a shit! Have sommmme mmmore Vodka!
16. Throw in a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder.
17. Now pick up the can and contemplate moping the floor.
18. Where did you put that Vodka bottle? Oh, already in your
hand, good, test it again. Yes, straight from the bottle is
19. Now, locate your bixing mowl and shift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts into it.
20. Add one table.
21. Add a schpoooon of shugar, or somefing. Whatever you can
22. Haff some morrre VVVodka.
23. Turn the cake 369 degrees and try not to fall over…
24. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
25. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Vodka
and kick the dog.
26. Stumble to the living room and collapse in a heap on the


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