Chimpys Guide to Women.

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Chimpy, Apr 18, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. OK, in this thread I will attempt to help you guys out with your pulling techniques I will also help you understand WHAT WOMEN WANT!

    Basically women want exactly what they say they don't want. However, it's not quite this simple. Obviously if a woman says she doesn't want a guy who is addicted to smack then she's probably right. However, what women say their ideal man is like is a lie designed to throw us off.

    First, lets look what blokes say they want. A girl with big tits who will have sex all the time, who doesn't mind being dirty and does it on the first date, not kissing and cuddling just pure shagg1ng and filth. Yep, we all want that, but do we respect that? No, you don't respect a woman like that and as soon as you get bored of her you treat her like sh1t, do what YOU want and probably sh'ag about once the novelty has worn off.

    Now, what do girls say they want? A knight in shining armour, a man who is sensitive, caring, a good listener, goes shopping with her, gets the door for her, gets her chair for her etc etc. Well this is B0LL0CKS. Women may like these things for a bit, but she wont respect you and when she becomes bored with you she will be off sha.gging Dave the violent drug dealer from next door while you are at work.

    Look at the facts, when you were at school who were all the fittest, most popular, birds going out with? Was it Rupert sitting at the front who has a career ahead of him and will probably be rich and pass all his exams? No, it was a drug dealer about 5 years older than them who has already been inside and who proabably already has had a kid.

    Women love The D1CK. The Nice Guy gets used as what they term "A Friend". This Nice Guy will fancy the pants off her but she will pretend not to realise. She will say things like "we are so close" and "I think I can talk to you about anything" to The Nice Guy. This lad will think he's in with a chance, but in reality he is being used to fulfill her attention needs and her vanity needs ... the needs that the more interesting boyfriend she has, The D1CK, doesn't give her. As soon as The Nice Guy suddenly plucks up the courage to ask her out (this usually happens after about two months of forced chivalry and "listening") she act all shocked and says she "doesn't want to lose you as a friend". Thus breaking the heart of The Nice Guy.

    The success of a woman is judged by the type of man she is with. A girl whose boyfriend was in prison for killing someone, who is a violent drunk with no job who beats her, this girl has an INTERESTING boyfriend and is more successful than a woman who has a bloke who works in a bank who is loyal and passive.

    Therfore, lads, become THE D1CK and DO NOT become THE NICE GUY. You will get no pootang from being the nice guy. Make her think you are dangerous, or into drugs, or that you've killed someone. This way you will get to be the guy who fulfills her sexual desires whilst some other poor b'astard becomes "the friend" and has to listen to her sh1t.

    That's all for now

  2. What a crock of sheeeite
  3. And your guide to divorce is comong soon I hope?
  4. too obviously a wah. desperate for attention?

  5. How so?
  6. My My,havent we matured in the last 48hrs.

    Come on,own up, you`ve got the O2 thief tag, do the Scooby Doo type reveal to your true Arrse identity.


    Gotta say though,there is a bit of truth in what you say.
  7. How many bloody times????? I AM NOT A SOCK!!!
  8. what are you on??

  9. If you have any similarity to a foot garment,it is as one of those special ones that after a heavy day keeping toes warm ,has been the recipient of a dollop of range glue as part of a bedtime relaxation session.
  10. What ever it is,it is not good. :roll:
  11. A link to what?

    EDIT - oh I get it now.
  12. Chimpy does this pull classy women too? Or only chav's from the local estate?
  13. What do you mean by classy m8?

    It's in a woman's nature to go for the alpha male. The hard man. The guy who says "Fuk da world" and is a bad boy rogue. This guy oozes strength and character. All birds want this guy.

    Classy birds have the same drives aswell u know. Like I said, the reason they have The Nice Guy hanging on for them is so they can get all the none sexual parts off teh relationship off him. However, women are like cats. Sneaky f'ucking cats. They toy with their prey.

    Obviously, when a woman matures and starts thinking about becoming a mother. She will then go through a change where she looks for a man who is rich as opposed to an heathen.

    So, if you are filthy rich or a bad boy then you are guaranteed a lot of poonani. But if you are a pussy and try and be romantic you will become "The Friend".

    BTW - note friend in inverted commas. It is impossible for a woman and a man to be real friends.
  14. C'mon... this has a little more lucidity than your Common (or) Garden Troll - so own up you funny f*cker.