childish thoughts

#1
The things you believed or thought that happened when you were a kid.
Now I lived in a village in the arse of wales and every year without fail Onion Johnny would show up on a black bike strewn with ornately tied bunches of onions, I was genuinely amazed at this man pedalling all the way from France just to sell a string of onions, It was years later before I twigged he had a warehouse full of the cunts in Cardiff.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#6
I thought it unfair I'd to get in the bath every Sunday as my Dad never got in at all. Nobody told me miners got showered at work.
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#7
I thought the Black Market was this really awesome market in London which the legal system had no powers over. All I ever remember grown ups saying at the time was things like "the only place you can get hold of those is on the Black Market". I think I decided it was in London as there appeared to be only the one, and it'd make sense having it in the capital. Like Buckingham Palace...
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#8
Miss Street told me Blu-tac was alive and grew each day. She left some on a window sill in assembly to prove it. I was amazed how it grew so I treated it very kindly as I didn't want to kill it.
 
#9
I was 34 when I discovered that the electrician who rewired the house in 1979 hadn't actually threaded the wires through the walls with a trained ferret. 25 years I'd been telling people about it... /:


Ah well, that's my father for you! My mother wouldn't make up such stories God bless her soul. She was saintly. That's why she was so concerned about witches. I've always followed her advice in that regard and to this day I make sure I smash the bottom out of the shell when I have a boiled egg so a witch can't sail away in it and drown sailors.
 

CanteenCowboy

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
My mother wouldn't make up such stories God bless her soul. She was saintly. That's why she was so concerned about witches. I've always followed her advice in that regard and to this day I make sure I smash the bottom out of the shell when I have a boiled egg so a witch can't sail away in it and drown sailors.
She wasn't 'Oirish' was she? My mother told me that as well as all my Aunts, every time I had a boiled egg I had to smash a hole in any part of the shell in which a Witch could use as a sailing vessel.

Eventually by the time I was in my teenage years I did question the wisdom of this, after all how would a fully grown woman get into an egg shell. I no longer believed the explanation that Witches can shrink themselves. School lessons continued this, early lessons in Physics bore this out and I eventually started thinking "Mad Oirish harpies" whenever the matter was raised again.

However I'm now in my mid-forties and when ever I have a boiled egg, I still find myself ensuring that no part of the shell could ever be used as a sailing vessel by any Witch.

And now all this discussion has given me the notion for a boiled egg for breakfast, just away to check the fridge. One left, so guess what I'm having for breakfast?

Yes, you're right, healthy cereal the cholesterol in the egg might kill me.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#13
She wasn't 'Oirish' was she? My mother told me that as well as all my Aunts, every time I had a boiled egg I had to smash a hole in any part of the shell in which a Witch could use as a sailing vessel.

Eventually by the time I was in my teenage years I did question the wisdom of this, after all how would a fully grown woman get into an egg shell. I no longer believed the explanation that Witches can shrink themselves. School lessons continued this, early lessons in Physics bore this out and I eventually started thinking "Mad Oirish harpies" whenever the matter was raised again.

However I'm now in my mid-forties and when ever I have a boiled egg, I still find myself ensuring that no part of the shell could ever be used as a sailing vessel by any Witch.

And now all this discussion has given me the notion for a boiled egg for breakfast, just away to check the fridge. One left, so guess what I'm having for breakfast?

Yes, you're right, healthy cereal the cholesterol in the egg might kill me.
Eggs are actually full of good cholesterol it's the witch that contains bad cholesterol.
 
#14
She wasn't 'Oirish' was she? My mother told me that as well as all my Aunts, every time I had a boiled egg I had to smash a hole in any part of the shell in which a Witch could use as a sailing vessel.

Eventually by the time I was in my teenage years I did question the wisdom of this, after all how would a fully grown woman get into an egg shell. I no longer believed the explanation that Witches can shrink themselves. School lessons continued this, early lessons in Physics bore this out and I eventually started thinking "Mad Oirish harpies" whenever the matter was raised again.

However I'm now in my mid-forties and when ever I have a boiled egg, I still find myself ensuring that no part of the shell could ever be used as a sailing vessel by any Witch.

And now all this discussion has given me the notion for a boiled egg for breakfast, just away to check the fridge. One left, so guess what I'm having for breakfast?

Yes, you're right, healthy cereal the cholesterol in the egg might kill me.
Thank God I'm vegan now. Crack on matelots.
 
#16
Even as a teenager at school, I was convinced that the Doc brought the baby in his black bag. You see, I had a very sheltered upbringing, and my Paw always told me to go and ask my Maw where babies came from......, and it was a total culture shock after I took the Queen's Shilling, went to Catterick for basic, and put straight about the 'birds and the bees', legovers, dipped your wick, knocked one out, and those descriptions of fornications. Oh how shocked I was, oh how badly were my flabbers ghasted, it was so bad I had to go down to the NAAFI Bar and have a drink or three or ten...... then the grey light of dawn broke in........... and it's been down hill all the way since then.. and many a fun time was had by all...
 
#17
When I was about 4 my mum told me that our sweet shop had been taken over by Indians.

I cried my eyes out because I was frightened they would scalp me.

We watched too many cowboy films in those days.
 
#18
When I was a kid, I was convinced that athletes ran so fast because a bloke on the starting line was shooting at them.

My Dad told me that the local ice-cream man was The Pope, and I told everyone else.
 
#20
Like uncle_vanya, I too was curious about where babies came from. And at an early age. My mum said they came from her tummy in hospital, so, naturally, I assumed she and dad had to go to hospital to get them put in. Seemed natural enough at the time.


And, also like uncle_vanya, the reality was so much more fun.
 

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