childish thoughts

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ordinaryforces, Jun 26, 2013.

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  1. The things you believed or thought that happened when you were a kid.
    Now I lived in a village in the arse of wales and every year without fail Onion Johnny would show up on a black bike strewn with ornately tied bunches of onions, I was genuinely amazed at this man pedalling all the way from France just to sell a string of onions, It was years later before I twigged he had a warehouse full of the cunts in Cardiff.
     
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  2. I thought my Uncle Vic was responsible for inventing that nasty chest rub
     
  3. I saw the onion man and thought " That'll fool the Taffs, bet they think he pedals all the way back to Calais."
     
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  4. I thought it was very kind of the bank to look after my money for me.
     
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  5. I thought humans had black & white vision up until the 1970's just because everything on tv made before then was in black & white, the thick cunt I was.
     
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  6. I thought it unfair I'd to get in the bath every Sunday as my Dad never got in at all. Nobody told me miners got showered at work.
     
  7. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    I thought the Black Market was this really awesome market in London which the legal system had no powers over. All I ever remember grown ups saying at the time was things like "the only place you can get hold of those is on the Black Market". I think I decided it was in London as there appeared to be only the one, and it'd make sense having it in the capital. Like Buckingham Palace...
     
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  8. Miss Street told me Blu-tac was alive and grew each day. She left some on a window sill in assembly to prove it. I was amazed how it grew so I treated it very kindly as I didn't want to kill it.
     
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  9. I was 34 when I discovered that the electrician who rewired the house in 1979 hadn't actually threaded the wires through the walls with a trained ferret. 25 years I'd been telling people about it... /:


    Ah well, that's my father for you! My mother wouldn't make up such stories God bless her soul. She was saintly. That's why she was so concerned about witches. I've always followed her advice in that regard and to this day I make sure I smash the bottom out of the shell when I have a boiled egg so a witch can't sail away in it and drown sailors.
     
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  10. As an 8 year old I figured that as my 16 year old neighbour was twice as old as me, when I was 20 he would be 40.

    I was, and remain, a maths mong.
     
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  11. Alas, shattered dreams.
     
  12. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

    She wasn't 'Oirish' was she? My mother told me that as well as all my Aunts, every time I had a boiled egg I had to smash a hole in any part of the shell in which a Witch could use as a sailing vessel.

    Eventually by the time I was in my teenage years I did question the wisdom of this, after all how would a fully grown woman get into an egg shell. I no longer believed the explanation that Witches can shrink themselves. School lessons continued this, early lessons in Physics bore this out and I eventually started thinking "Mad Oirish harpies" whenever the matter was raised again.

    However I'm now in my mid-forties and when ever I have a boiled egg, I still find myself ensuring that no part of the shell could ever be used as a sailing vessel by any Witch.

    And now all this discussion has given me the notion for a boiled egg for breakfast, just away to check the fridge. One left, so guess what I'm having for breakfast?

    Yes, you're right, healthy cereal the cholesterol in the egg might kill me.
     
  13. Eggs are actually full of good cholesterol it's the witch that contains bad cholesterol.
     
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  14. Thank God I'm vegan now. Crack on matelots.
     
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  15. I used to think that the smell of Old holborn, whiskey and a pain in my anus was what all kids loved by thier uncles experienced
     
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