Child Support Agency forms

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by jaybee2786, Dec 6, 2007.

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  1. The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support
    Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine

    excerpts from the forms.

    1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered
    by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but

    I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

    2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being
    sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you

    with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

    3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
    conceived at a party at 36, Grand Avenuewhere I had unprotected sex with a
    man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I
    fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his
    phone number? Thanks.


    4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW
    that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps
    you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it
    replaced.

    5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
    confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ
    rose again. .

    6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do
    so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for
    the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the
    country. Please advice.

    7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the
    same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

    8. Peter Jones is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can
    you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

    9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney;
    maybe it really is the MagicKingdom.

    10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for
    sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd

    have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146,
    Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

    11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when

    you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart
     
  2. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    That's been around for at least ten years.

    Still funny though.
     
  3. Absolutely brilliant.

    As I type, I am rolling about on the floor laughing my arrse off, having recently spat yet another full mouthful of coffee on my monitor.

    If only I could find the relevant smiley face to really illustrate my feelings.
     
  4. Still as funny as feck
     
  5. Im sure I have heard excuse 7 mentioned on this site by certain members of ARRSE before :wink:
     
  6. It wasn't me! I was sober and knows who the Daddy is mores the pity! :oops:
     
  7. A CROSS SECTION OF 1000 PEOPLE IN THE UK, MADE UP OF AFGHANS, PAKISTANIS, INDIANS, POLES, IRAQIS, SOMALIS, ALBANIANS, BOSNIANS, TURKS, GEORDIES, BRUMMIES, ABERDONIANS AND LIVERPUDLIANS WERE ASKED IF THEY THOUGHT BRITAIN SHOULD CHANGE ITS CURRENCY TO THE EURO.

    99% SAID THEY WERE HAPPY WITH THE GIRO.
     
  8. Whats that got to do with anything?
     
  9. My ex used to work for the CSA and shown me a response once that said something llike "i dont know who the father of my child is as he was wearing a motorbike crash helmet at the time!"