Child Contact Order.

Discussion in 'Finance, Property, Law' started by threesend, Feb 25, 2012.

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  1. Background.

    Seperated in 2008, divorced since May 2009, 2 children. Have been paying CSA @20% net income for 2 children so no worries on the financial front. Didnt see/speak or have any contact with either of my children for approx 16months - even tho i sent letter / emails / cards xmas and birthday gifts...
    Couldnt afford to go thro the courts etc for contact with kids as ex was saying they no longer wanted "f" all to do with me.....then out of the blue my youngest called me (feb 2011) and told me that they had found my phone number etc in an email in the deleted items on there email account...i have no contact with my ex..all contact is done thro my daughters..


    since then i have been seeing them on the first weekend of the month, managed to organise a posting closer to where they now live (1 hour away instead of 6 hours!)...

    they have both been down to stay with me and i have been up to see them every wednesday evening for dinner etc...

    now the ex is realising that with the renewed contact and the great times we are having she is starting to put "obstacles" in the way.....such as we are all busy that particular weekend and on that wednesday we are off out to see friends etc - you get the picture!?...

    now as most of you know being in the army and organising time to see your children etc can be somewhat difficult - im not expecting every weekend off to spend with them..also with the operational tempo it is also difficult with various STA courses..

    i am seriously contemplating a court order, in order to see my daughters for one full weekend a month and every wednesday evening, until i am deployed again..(deploy on H17) then resumed again once i am back in UK....

    does anyone have any info on how i go about applying for this?....and will it cost me? as finances are proper tight at the moment.
  2. You could attempt to write (or get a solicitor) to your ex and make a proposal for contact. If your ex failed to stick to that you would have to go to court as it would be in no way legally binding.

    To apply to court would cost about £200 just for the application for a contact order and you could self represent however you will get destroyed if your ex has any representation.

    I would personally seek to maintain whatever contact you can until you deploy. Make notes of any arrangments you make with your ex and then include any reasons for her cancelling them. Communicate by letter or email so there is a record of whatever happens - do not under any circumstances fly off the handle as this will be used against you no matter how provoked you are. Do your deployment and use the op allowance to pay for a solicitor and do the whole thing properly.
    • Like Like x 2
  3. cheers - that is plan maintain what contact i have until i deploy, however when ever i ask my daughters when they are free,its now becoming then norm - "mum says we are busy that day or weekend"....

    it was always her intention to prevent any form of access, i have a statement from one of her female friends about this...

    i shall nip to the local courts and ask / seek any advice from them on potential costs,and what to for flying of the handle - she is a copper and i know what a devious bunch of ***** they are!..
  4. Mate if you represent your self (litigant in person) the judge will be very fair and will control any opposing legal types from hammering you too much. they have to be seen to ensure you understand everything and are not taken advantage of.

    Go for the order, it will protect you and the kids, unless you are a proper bastard you will get the order. She will then know the consequences of breaking it, and if she does a judge will hammer her because of her job. Also when you're in court, don't bother mud slinging, let her do that. Just maintain why you are there, to have a healthy and continued relationship with your kids. And all will be well, well in a while. these things take ages.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Both wrong, and both right. The reality is less clear.

    Where the family court is concerned, the Courts are expected to adopt a meditative approach, as opposed to the usual adversarial approach, between parties. And yes, when an individual self-represents, then a Judge will often - but not always - provide a degree of latitude. Oh, and family court cases are supposed to be done and dusted within six months - for the good of the children. However. The reality is often somewhat different.

    Family law is a minefield, and what appears to be black and white statute law has had precedent set by court decisions and appeals. Courts are very loathe to remove children from mothers - under any circumstances including when the other ignores a court decision and access order.

    Find a local solicitor's practice who specialise in Family Law, and arrange a free initial consultation. Family law qualifies for legal aid. Use this calculator to see if you qualify

    Eligibility Calculator

    Notice that CSA payments and housing costs are deducted. You might be surprised.

    Dont expect a quick outcome. The worse case scenario is that the court decide to involve CAFCASS, a process which can take six months in itself.

    Did you know that your children can apply for an order though... little known right granted a few years back. Let the eldest one know this, because the courts DO listen when children make such applications.

    Good luck. It is a horribly destructive emotional process. And speaking from experience - dont be afraid to find a quiet room and have a damn good cry. Its better to let it out, than bottle it up and explode at the worst possible moment.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Should have added that was my experience of it all. I still don't see my son because she ignores the order and I guess we're not yet at the place where the judge is willing to take action. Sucks, but I'm playing the long game and doing it by the numbers.
  7. Its a bastard, basically, isn't it.
  8. Yup. I put a two year timeframe on this. If the judge has done nothing and she has still not let me see him in by December, then I'm filing residency application. Then see where that takes me! I haven't seen him since he was 4 weeks old, he's now two.
  9. Be careful. By not fighting it sooner the court will be extremely reluctant (more so than usual) to grant residency as you will not have been a part of your son's life for a long period of time. If your ex isn't sticking to the court order then push as hard as you can to go back to court.
  10. I do, I'm supposed to have contact once a month. Because of the hostilities a contact centre was suggested. she never turns up, so I have to apply to go back to court, she may or may not turn up, the judge has a word, she gives assurances. Problem now is I'm out here (Afghan) and it will all start again when I get back. I'm basically waiting for the judge to get fed up and do something to make her let me see him.
  11. RE, good luck. I have been on both sides of the equation and the courts were anti-man when I was the NRP trying to see my kids and then as the PWC they were anti-man when I was (and still am) trying to get permission to take my own kids on an overseas posting with me.
  12. lads, it is a ****** and i have been throught the meat grinder on my divorce....both emotionally and financially..

    my girls are 11 and 14 now,both have independant lives and interests, i try and fill in the weekends when they are not busy....but now i am closer to where they live, try and get to see them more than before. The ex is a very controlling bitch, very bitter and twisted and is prepared to do anything to prevent me from seeing them...the kids are seeing this now with there own eyes...

    as for the long game, im playing that and the reality of it is that both girls have seen there mother for who she truely is - one thing i have never done is openly slate her infront of the a firm believer in letting them make there own decision.

    being a bloke in a divorce which involves kids is a real shitter, we always seem to lose out..we all have different stories but a common theme. Trust no female!
    • Like Like x 5
  13. I won't even start on my child's father, who is a **** of the highest order, however when I was at uni I had a boyfriend who was having similar issues with seeing his child. She had met someone else and had taken to frequent house moves to prevent contact with the real father. It was a total mess and there was very little that he could do.
    I told him to write to his son as often as possible and make copies of everything, which he kept in a file. That way if the mother refused access and didn't pass on any of the letters, cards etc, then at least he would have something to show his son if he tipped up in years to come and accused him of abandonment.
    Push hard and don't give up.
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  14. I'll never give up on my boy, ever.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. My boy's father doesn't want to see him until he "is old enough to realise what a bitch his mother is" - which considering he took to knocking me about when I was preggers and threatened our 3 week old baby, is a little rich... Sadly some people don't deserve the joy of being a parent.
    • Like Like x 1