I was on a call this afternoon at a typical family home. Two chocolate stained kids whining about being bored, banished to their bedrooms while I went about my business. Amid the bickering I managed to get them signed up and needed a little more info from them. The Dad had to go back to work leaving me at home with the fat housewife, in jogging suit bottoms and fat ankles. I needed their passports and a utility bill..... she seemed to take ages looking for them, from the bread bin to the laundry basket she managed to turn the hovel upside down. Whilst she was out I noticed a fake marble chess set on the table next to me....... 'classy' I thought as I put a pawn in my pocket and sat grinning holding the bishop in my mit. A grubby looking mongrel dog was asleep near my feet and the dirty fcuker kept farting. The fat cow from upstairs shouted 'Won't be a minute, put the tele on if you wan't, Maury is on' I bent over to grab the TV remote, and thought I'm having that, but the devil got a grip so I tried to slide the bishop into the dogs winking as5hole....... Fcuk me it jumped! I nearly erupted laughing as it shot off with a chess peice lodged in its crimper, quietly praying that it would't go to its mum to show its new trophy.... It came back to me... so I did the decent thing and belted its snout with the remote making it yelp and drop relax its bum grip. Result! I nicked the TV remote too.... but am sat here giggling at the thought of those grubby kids playing chess with a missing peice and sucking the bishop like a pen top with dogs butt musk on it. Am I bad man? anyone need a remote for a Phillips tele?