Chess piece instertion

#1
I was on a call this afternoon at a typical family home. Two chocolate stained kids whining about being bored, banished to their bedrooms while I went about my business. Amid the bickering I managed to get them signed up and needed a little more info from them.

The Dad had to go back to work leaving me at home with the fat housewife, in jogging suit bottoms and fat ankles.

I needed their passports and a utility bill..... she seemed to take ages looking for them, from the bread bin to the laundry basket she managed to turn the hovel upside down.

Whilst she was out I noticed a fake marble chess set on the table next to me....... 'classy' I thought as I put a pawn in my pocket and sat grinning holding the bishop in my mit. A grubby looking mongrel dog was asleep near my feet and the dirty fcuker kept farting.

The fat cow from upstairs shouted 'Won't be a minute, put the tele on if you wan't, Maury is on'

I bent over to grab the TV remote, and thought I'm having that, but the devil got a grip so I tried to slide the bishop into the dogs winking as5hole....... Fcuk me it jumped! I nearly erupted laughing as it shot off with a chess peice lodged in its crimper, quietly praying that it would't go to its mum to show its new trophy.... It came back to me... so I did the decent thing and belted its snout with the remote making it yelp and drop relax its bum grip.

Result!

I nicked the TV remote too.... but am sat here giggling at the thought of those grubby kids playing chess with a missing peice and sucking the bishop like a pen top with dogs butt musk on it.

Am I bad man? anyone need a remote for a Phillips tele?
 
#3
truly inspiring oh, MDN, spawn of the Devil..

with one small effort you have ruined a man's life and destroyed a home.. The poor bugger's going to come home, take one look at his fat frau in joggers and slump into the couch depressed and wondering how things came to this..his only relief some sports or mindless drivel with nubile hotties on the telly..he'll search for the remote, yell and scream, be abused by the munter in the kitchen, beat the kids about the ears demanding they give it back, kick the dog[ probably Her's anyway and it came with the ' marriage '] and pretty soon, beer bottles will fly, supper will burn, kids will cry, dog will be microwaved and all hell will break loose

result.. one divorce, murder and carnage possibly...shambles of a life all round..

damn, wish I'd thought of it.
 
#6
Rocketeer said:
result.. one divorce,
Better not be, there will be a clawback and I haven't mingled with the poor for no benefit other than jamming a peice of plastic up a dogs dirtbox.

B_S the dog had better personal hygeine than the kids, Too grubby to tamper with them
 
#7
minister_doh_nut said:
B_S the dog had better personal hygeine than the kids, Too grubby to tamper with them
I can understand that perspective ... so why go there in the first place?
Were you in lust over munter-frau?
Was it a handsome dog?
Do you like playing with pawns?

Your revolted public should be told ...
 
#8
To sell them something they don't need

Life cover, because in the event of death the claims underwriter would deem their lives worthless and not pay the pikeys out :D
 
#9
minister_doh_nut said:
To sell them something they don't need

Life cover, because in the event of death the claims underwriter would deem their lives worthless and not pay the pikeys out :D
Ahhhh ... Life Insurance. 8O

My life is not assured, as I will certainly die.
But you, Slime-personified, visit Maison Chav to persuade the track-suits that by giving you money it will be OK, as little Charlene-Waynetta and Beckham-Morinho will be looked after for evermore. "Just sign here and give me your house, just in case."

Was it a pretty dog?
 
#10
Class-we can't find our VCR remote-you weren't round my house last week were you?-I shall not be putting anything in my mouth for the moment!!
 
#11
minister_doh_nut said:
To sell them something they don't need

Life cover, because in the event of death the claims underwriter would deem their lives worthless and not pay the pikeys out :D
Is that bit in the manual?

I ask only because I might need some life insurance in the future.... and I might want a second career... LOL!

Litotes
 
#14



MDN at work?
 
#15
Fair play with the chess piece. Shame you couldn't get the queen up the curs old mud eye. By the sound of it, you should have chatted up the mum. I think she would have let you insert one of those pepper mills you find at Italian restaurants up her marmite motorway. As for the remote, fling it in someones face.
 
#17
jarrod248 said:
It's the telly thing I remember a guy who used to pull a bird and nick either her telly or all her knickers and leg it.
The said chap placed something in my Bergan which made me collapse rolling around floor laughing when I got home. A navigator on the course had his car fitted with blue lights behind the grille and had a police officers uniform and used to pull birds over and you can guess the rest.
It's the sort of thing MDN would do, especially if the car concerned contained children or attractive dogs.
But ... a navigator? No, i don't think he's quite thick enough for that. :lol:
Anyway, the idea of MDN putting something in someone's Bergen without requiring them to pay for it is a little unlikely :D
 
#18
jarrod248 said:
No the navigator did the raping of maidens while pretending to be a police officer.
I don't think MDN does maidens, so it probably wasn't him.

He tends to prefer fat mothers, their children and occasionally virgin Border Collies, I believe :D
 
#19
The dog got off easy. But for the intellectual pretensions of its' owner, said land shark could have been waiting in the queue at the vets with a game of kerplunk jammed in its' ricker. Just try explaining that to the RSPCA.
 
#20
MDN,

You are the badge and God of the Fast to Go to Hell Brigade. I am sitting in front of the VDU in a state of laughter and shock......having said that I will base my life's work on your teachings!

Top man.........good game chess as well, though not for mutts :p


fastmedic
 

Similar threads


Latest Threads

Top