I am afraid acting as close protection to cheryl cole would present me with an insurmountable conflict of interests. Because I would kick her back doors in, swastika her breast bone and then proceed to "spermboard" her - like waterboarding but with spaff and hence slightly slower but at least as, if not moreso, offensive.
Which means I just would not be able to get on top of the accompanying paperwork - risk appreciations, work method statements etc. It would be unprofessional in the extreme of me to take the gig, especially as I would have to lie at the interview about qualifications, injunctions, what I was doing in my pocket, exactly what I was mumbling under my breath. Not on.