Cheryl needs protecting any volunteers?

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Raven2008, Mar 23, 2010.

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  1. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    I will bring a whole new meaning to the phrase close protection

    I left a message on Dermot O Leary's phone offering to do the job in my own individual style hope he passes it on to her
  2. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Shit. The rozzers are on to me.

    Anyone got anywhere I can hide?
  3. She lives a few miles away from me. A friend of a friend fitted her bathroom.

    I'll share her address for a pint ;)

    She's lovely, I certainly would!
  4. I am afraid acting as close protection to cheryl cole would present me with an insurmountable conflict of interests. Because I would kick her back doors in, swastika her breast bone and then proceed to "spermboard" her - like waterboarding but with spaff and hence slightly slower but at least as, if not moreso, offensive.

    Which means I just would not be able to get on top of the accompanying paperwork - risk appreciations, work method statements etc. It would be unprofessional in the extreme of me to take the gig, especially as I would have to lie at the interview about qualifications, injunctions, what I was doing in my pocket, exactly what I was mumbling under my breath. Not on.
  5. Oh the dilemma! I'd probably give her the best 10 secs of my life then, in the post act guilt, do the public a favour.

    Annoying Geordie slapper.

    Does plod read these forums?
  6. I suspect plod starts these threads actually...which is why my default defence is now "entrapment". It makes a pleasant change from insanity...
  7. No good to me, I am white :(