Cheryl: ‘I want more children - but you don't need a man to have a baby’

#41
Didn't sgt Harper in Sharpe say something along the the lines of 'there's no shame in being born in the gutter but it's a hell of a thing to want to stay there'.

She may well be able to have children in her own, maybe even start buying them in from around the world, but it's not a good example for her fans not a great situation for her.

she's obviously either picking d*ckheads or she's a bunny boiler.
She's not got in touch with me, yet!
 
#47
Cheryl: ‘I want more children - but you don't need a man to have a baby’

View attachment 387927

Cheryl is crying. She is sitting in the middle of a London restaurant pushing a napkin into the corners of her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears falling.

The singer (who now goes by her first name only, following her second divorce), has been telling me how completely she has changed since giving birth to her son, Bear, who is now two. We’ve been talking about everything from her relationship with Bear’s dad, One Direction singer Liam Payne, to her weekly therapy sessions.

Any takers?
I would, and twice on a Sunday
 
#48
As for her relationship with Ashley Cole, rumours have abounded about him being a bit light on his loafers for some time.

One needed a PR boost as 'not a racist', and the other needed his red-bloodedness confirming. Hey presto, a marriage to a black fellow followed by an infidelity on his part confirms his reputation as a het swordsman of some renown while confirming her PCness and endearing her to the nation as a Wronged Woman.

Back on Geordieland, she was known as the Graveyard Gobbler due to the location of choice where she'd negotiated vigorously for a pack of B&H and a bottle of Smirnoff.
 
#49
Unfortunately I know her uncle.

He is without doubt the laziest, weakest and most untruthful bellend I've ever had the misfortune to meet.

I'd gladly turn down a go on Cheryl's fragrant ringpiece to hammer nails into her uncle's femurs.

The Geordie chav prick.
Blow your wad a lot quicker that way too.
 
#50
As for her relationship with Ashley Cole, rumours have abounded about him being a bit light on his loafers for some time.
When it comes to shoe wear, wor Shezza is said to favour those of a more stout, yet comfortable, variety; Kimberley Walsh designer brogues.

It may be that the Coles' marriage was one made when their respective PR agents fell in love.
 
#51
As for her relationship with Ashley Cole, rumours have abounded about him being a bit light on his loafers for some time.

One needed a PR boost as 'not a racist', and the other needed his red-bloodedness confirming. Hey presto, a marriage to a black fellow followed by an infidelity on his part confirms his reputation as a het swordsman of some renown while confirming her PCness and endearing her to the nation as a Wronged Woman.

Back on Geordieland, she was known as the Graveyard Gobbler due to the location of choice where she'd negotiated vigorously for a pack of B&H and a bottle of Smirnoff.
Hang on I thought they were both alleged to be fudge packers
 
#53
I recall one of the rag newspapers referred to her as a ‘National Treasure’ at the height of her fame. Cue the old jokes about burying her in a casket under ground.
What an incomprehensible, chav munter she is.
 
#58
#59
Cheryl: ‘I want more children - but you don't need a man to have a baby’

OK: let's hope that she doesn't follow this example:

'One of the world's rarest turtles, a Yangtze giant softshell, has died in China, leaving just three known survivors of the species.

The female turtle (Rafetus swinhoei) died in Suzhou zoo in southern China.

Experts had tried to artificially inseminate the creature, which was over 90 years old, for a fifth time shortly before she died. . . '

. . . after all, there's only Wor Shezza, so remember her in your prayers tonight, children.
 
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