Cherie e-mails

The Guardian has done a good job collecting these but I am sure we here can do better than these:
Cherie's secret emails ...

Tim Dowling hacks in to Mrs Blair's laptop

Monday December 9, 2002
The Guardian

26 November
Dear Dr Bob: how can I ever thank you? Since I started wearing the magnetic insoles, I have so much more energy. I also pick up a lot of paperclips & staples that the vacuum cleaner misses - an added bonus. Euan loves the wheat detector, btw. Cheers, xC.

30 November
Thank you for your email of 29 Nov. I am surprised to hear that hundreds of sexy Russian girls are waiting to meet me, but I am happy to do a quick thing if it helps relations between our two countries. When do they get here? Get in touch with my PA, Mystica, about dates and times: mystica68@etherworld.god. You're beautiful. xC.

1 December
Hi Madame Halla. Thanx for the quick reply. Tell Granny I'll talk to her on Saturday as usual, and tell her it's fine if she wants to bring Houdini. I didn't mean to say he was weird, but I just think she could do better. Tony wants to ask Clement Attlee a couple of questions, if that's OK. Give me a quote. Mystica sends her love & says thanx for the dead finger. I trust you with my life. xC

2 December
Dear Jeff: Thankyou- thankyouthankyou! These shares look great, and they're a real bargain at that price, especially if next week's interim report is as rosy as you seem to think it will be. I'm happy to buy some shares for you if you don't want the wife to find out. Are you in prison over Xmas? Be sure to let us know. xxC

4 December
Dear, dear Kwambe: sorry for the delay. The money should be in your account at the Central Bank of Nigeria by this aft. I hope it's enough to free up those frozen govt assets. I'll let you know if the $23m doesn't arrive here by Friday, but I certainly don't foresee any problems. It's been a pleasure working with you. xxxC

5 December
Oh my word! I don't even remember entering the Taiwanese lottery! At last, some real good news. I'm not sure I understand the whole currency issue, but I'm having my PA, Mystica, forward the credit card details. You make me smile. xC

6 December
Mystica - good question. I think on balance it's safe to assume that tomatoes can feel pain, but I'll check with Dr Bob. Just have it with cheese and lettuce in the meantime. Where's my Nigerian money? xxC

8 December
Dr Bob: if you EVER mention Euan & your frigging wheat detector to the News of the World again I will MURDER you. The privacy of my children is of paramount importance to me. When can I take the needles out, btw? I can't take my jumper off or anything. Mystica says
How about:

To Home Sec,

If any cnut ever gets one over on me and Tone by intercepting emails, Tone says that he is to be tagged, put under home arrest and is to have all his human rights repealed (despite my bleeding hearted liberal perspective). You will be aware that we, as a family, are above the law and very, very, very important.

If not you're out with that cnut Blind Pugh.

Love C

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